Promise of Spring

We're back in Osaka after an incredibly relaxing and restful vacation in Hawaii. The circumstances under which we left were not ideal, but I'm very glad that we went. Having some physical and psychological distance from all the trauma and disaster here has been beneficial. While Gboy continued to read all the news from Japan religiously while we were on vacation, I read almost no news about Japan's many disasters. It's nice not to feel an almost strangling sense of fear and anxiety. It was truly the break that I needed to gain some perspective. I confess I felt guilty about being there and enjoying life immensely, but it was also one of the best birthdays I can remember celebrating.

Now that we're back, and the cherry blossoms as always, are blossoming at this time of year, it feels like spring is truly on its way. And it's almost harder, in light of the promise of spring and all the rebirth that comes with it, to imagine that part of this country continues to languish without sufficient supplies, housing and even electricity. That feels like such a different experience from what we have here in Osaka. Here there are no shortages. Here the weather is lovely. Here, there is no sign of radiation. It's almost incomprehensible.

And as I watch Sweet Pea starting to really cruise and use a push toy to walk all over the house, I see that life goes on and moments of innocence still abound.

Hazy Days

The jet lag seems to have worn off, but there are days when I'm not sure if I'm coming or going. Between moving from Japan to our friends' place, then after 2 weeks with them back to our own home (after our renters left), we've been all over the place. Having entered the 3rd trimester, this all seems much much harder. I feel as though I'm walking through molasses on most days. I spend most of my time trying my hardest to keep up with an incredibly active toddler who has become very clingy (lots of travel + impending new baby arrival makes this not too surprising). This means that we still have boxes that we pulled out of storage that remain unopened. Any preparations for baby are likely not to happen until just a week before the due date. In the meantime we're also fighting the fires that come with home ownership - a pest invasion (cleared up), a leaky fridge (fixed), damaged floors underneath fridge (pending), busted fireplace (pending), windows in dire need of cleaning (mold growing in window tracks), etc.

Having said all this, I'm ecstatic to have my own gloriously comfortable bed to sleep in at night. I'm over the moon(!) to be making homemade macaroni and cheese for dinner tonight (and to have access to the ingredients to do so)! I've fallen in love with my local library all over again. Well, I never fell out of love with them, I just happy to be reunited! Our cat has returned home after an extended stay with friends while we were out of the country and we're all thrilled to be together again.

All in all, life is good right now.

Big Ones are Good for the Soul

I've added a new button on my sidebar. I want to be sure that everyone knows where and how to get some of their very own delicious and truly HUGE Big Ones. We're talking cookies that are as big as a toddler's head. In flavors like you wouldn't believe. Trust me, you won't regret ordering them.

And the fun continues....

Yes, our stay in upstate NY is ongoing. The snow that we had has now mostly melted away. No more building snowmen or sledding outside. Peanut is disappointed. She loved her Frosty the Snowman creation. She would regularly stand on a kitchen chair and look out the window and say, "Look Frosty!" while holding up her latest discovery be it a toy, a cookie, or even a new dance she created. Her best friend has just melted away!

I've been busy doing not much of anything useful. I haven't been studying my Japanese or even practicing my calligraphy, the things that I had planned to brush up on before my return to Japan (which is in less that two weeks). Instead, when Peanut naps, I've been napping. Or else I've been baking Christmas cookies or addressing Christmas cards.

Last year I sent out nengajo (although terribly late - I'm such a procrastinator!). This year, I sent out Christmas cards. I like the idea of alternating Christmas and New Year's card to recognize the traditions of both my culture and Gboy's culture as I think both sentiments are lovely. However, the cost of all those cards, and the postage and the time it takes to hand write a note in each one (yes I do that) makes even 35 cards a significant project. And yet, I feel so very accomplished once I'm done. What are your thoughts/strategies with regard to holiday cards?

Here's the recipe I baked yesterday. I thought I posted it previously on my blog, but I can't find it. It's originally from American Airlines inflight magazine; I'm very happy that my friend read it during her travels a few years ago and shared the recipe with me!

Chocolate Mint Marvels

¾ cup butter

1½ cups brown sugar

2 cups chocolate chips

2 eggs

2½ cups flour

1¼ teaspoon baking soda

3-4 packages of Andes mints

• Melt butter and brown sugar in saucepan over low heat. Add chocolate chips and stir to melt; put mixture into a bowl and let cool. Add eggs, and then mix in flour and baking soda. Chill dough for 1 hour.

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

• Roll into balls and place on baking sheet. (The dough might be crumbly, just work it with your hands into a ball). Bake for 9 minutes. Remove cookies from oven and place an Andes mint on each one. As the candy melts, spread it across the top of the cookie with a butter knife.

Updated to add: I've closed the comments to avoid more spam. You can always reach me at my email address in the righthand menu.

Perfect Moment Monday

I Capture
Perfect Moments.

I'm a first-time participant in Perfect Moment Monday, but since I had a few this past week, I had to record them. First, my mom got out some gingerbread dough and asked Peanut if she'd like to help make cookies. Cookies?! Of course. Peanut is fascinated by Christmas and winter themed shapes these days. Gingerbread men, snowmen, Santa, sleighs, nutcrackers, Christmas trees, reindeer - there's a world of shapes and objects that she has just learned the words to describe. Additionally, she was tempted by the word cookie.

They rolled up their sleeves and I mostly supervised to make sure that (a) Peanut didn't fall off the extra tall chair that she was standing on (caught her once as she headed towards the floor noggin-first!) (b) Peanut didn't eat all the dough before it was baked! She had the best time dragging the cookie cutters through flour and then pressing the shapes into the dough. She loved that my mom had small, medium and large sized cookie cutters. She even tried rolling the dough with the rolling pin. We had a great time watching her fall in love with making cookies. At the very end there was just enough dough for one last small cookie. My mom handed the ball of dough (the size of a walnut maybe) to Peanut and said, "Go to town". Instead of picking up the rolling pin, she popped the whole thing in her mouth! My mom and I couldn't stop laughing.

Then yesterday was another sweet and perfect little baking moment. I waited until Peanut was down for her nap because I wanted to make some Skor bars and knew that they wouldn't interest her. It had snowed the night before, so I had a lovely view of a dusting of snow outside on the trees in the backyard as I worked in the kitchen. The kitchen was warm and I had the radio on, playing Christmas tunes of course. My mom sat with me and helped out a little, but the recipe is pretty simple and really it was just a way for the two of us to spend some time together, to relax and make some chocolate-toffee confections to satisfy my cravings.* I was perfectly happy and content and fulfilled at that moment.

Oh, and one last perfect moment to share. My mom and I went to Barnes and Noble to do some shopping the other day. Peanut was at home napping (thanks to my husband!) while she and I snuck out. We're both readers, my mom and I. It's no surprise then, that we found ourselves wandering around that store for over an hour. At some point early in our visit, I caved and bought a peppermint mocha. It was heavenly and made for the perfect moment! Books! Coffee!

Hope you're all having some memorable moments lately!

*Speaking of cravings, while some cookies were the order of the day yesterday, I find that I am ravenous a great deal of the time now. The nausea seems to be dissipating just in the last couple of days. Even for the last couple of weeks, I've been feeling good for 75% of the day, and then not so much for the last bit, but that hasn't kept me from having an appetite either. I was nowhere near this hungry for any part of my first pregnancy. I'm starting to think that I may be growing a boy - simply based on how different this feels, but I don't *really* have any sense about the baby's gender.

The end of summer blues

If one more newspaper article or sales advertisement reminds me that summer is almost over I may scream. I love summer. I get excited about spring because it reminds me that the misery of long, dark, wet, cold (pick whichever adjectives apply) days may be over soon. I adore the start of autumn with all of the new school supplies and the start of a clean slate as well as the promise of cool days filled with warm soups and all of the fun of hibernating.

But to me, summer has is about just plain fun. Fun every day. Going to parks, pools, the beach, fairs, festivals and all that wonderful stuff which is so often free (minus the cost of an ice cream cone maybe). This is kind of ironic when I think back to how I spent my middle and high school summer days - lazing around with a book trying desperately to avoid going outside. But things change. With a new city and a new climate and much less humidity, I've discovered the joys of the outdoors in summer!

This is why I am always saddened when the media seems to gleefully herald the end of summer. And then a day like today dawns. It's cool here and the fog has rolled in. We don't expect to see temperatures much about 70F. That's cool for a summer day even by Seattle standards.

Please excuse me while I stick my head in the sand and ignore all the signs of summer's end. My parents will be here in just about one week and I'm hoping that a bit more of the summer weather will linger. Just enough so that we can enjoy a few walks in the park with Peanut. Just enough to take advantage of the fair. Just a little longer please...

Coming out of the fog....

I'll be back with a more thoughtful post in the next few days. For now, I'm wondering, should I tell you about:

• The fat lip Peanut got when she was running around the airport in Itami and fell down
• Our fleeting but lovely meeting with Kim and her daughter in the Narita airport (Why oh why did we have to have such a short layover this time around when we usually get stuck there for 8 hours!)
• "New in Town" - the movie I watched on the plane and loved if for no reason other than that it was in English and joked about cold winters and lots of snow - struck me as incredibly funny
• Salami, lamb, feta cheese and the lovely foods I've been rediscovering here in the U.S.
• Connecting with old friends in Seattle
  
• Missing new Osaka friends
• Visits to half a dozen parks to see which might be Peanut's favorites
• Recovering from jet lag in what feels like record time
• Having to clean the house much more than I anticipated (wishful thinking had me convinced our bachelor friend would have hired a housekeeper before he left)
• Talking to my family on the telephone and reveling in our proximity
• Today's visit to the zoo - who knew goats would inspire my daughter to cry when separated from them?
  
• How much I hate packing and unpacking and moving in general (okay we didn't exactly move but it sort of feels like it)
• American television - I don't even care what I watch - I'm loving it!!
• My library is amazing and I have about 25 books checked out that I'm trying to read as fast as I can - just finished this escapist bit
• My cake baking project for the summer - I've got The Cake Bible and plan to use it!
  
• Amazing blue skies and perfect temperatures with no humidity

The view and weather two days after our return.

Muffins are a wonderful thing

That's right. Honest to goodness blueberry muffins were awaiting me in our friend's car when he came to pick us up at the airport at 11am on Monday morning. I was stunned by the generosity that he and his wife showed us. Not only did he pick us up at the airport (with all of our international baggage in tow) but he brought us muffins and juice (kindly provided by his wife) and when we got back to our house we found that they'd even stocked our fridge with a few basics. We were blown away by how much these little things all added up to make our re-entry that much smoother.

Our return flight was amazing. Peanut did great. Lots of sleeping. Very little complaining or crying (maybe the last 15 minutes of our domestic flight). It was pretty heavenly actually.

We've been buried under stacks of mail, layers of dust (our friend/renter wasn't as thorough about cleaning as one might hope) and bags still to be unpacked for a couple of days now. But we seem to be winning the war on dust bunnies and junk mail and I hope to be back to posting soon.

For now let me say, cupcakes have been eaten, late night junk tv has been watched (what else to do during jet lag?) and my own bed has been slept in. Life is good!

Pack up your hot dogs

The post is from a song off one of my daughter's CDs. The song is about packing up your hot dogs in a backpack and going for a hike. I find the idea of packing hot dogs to be pretty funny. Maybe it's just late and I'm tired, or maybe it's completely nonsensical after all. Anyway, a few last things to go in the bags and hopefully we'll be done. We leave tomorrow but with the long flight(s) etc. and time difference, (technically we leave on Monday afternoon but we get home on Monday morning!) I have no idea when I'll be posting again.

So until then - catch you on the flip side!

Art for the People (or just me)

You are all such thoughtful readers! I love to hear what you have to say about books, what scares you, what home means to you...Thank you for the food for my thoughts.

I'm working on a little something at the moment. A "to-do" list to end all to-do lists. And it's really taking all my attention at the moment. Well, that and the fact that Peanut still isn't quite napping with any regularity. At the moment she's been asleep for nearly an hour, (a record of late!) but living in the eternal "what if she wakes up in two minutes?" makes it hard for me to get into any deep thoughts or blog posts.

But now that I think about it, I do have a question: What's art? I've never taken any art classes beyond what was required of me in middle school and one in high school. And none of those addressed fine art and the kind of stuff you see in museums. This weekend we went to the Suntory Museum and saw a variety of modern art "pieces" many of which included or were exclusively comprised of digital videos. I found several of them to be really engrossing.

But then I began to ponder. How is this different from a short film that you might find in a film festival? What's to say this film gets exhibited in a film festival and that film goes to a museum? And I'm not judging here because frankly I like some stuff and don't like other stuff and it doesn't seem to matter where I'm seeing it (cuz that's how I roll). But *someone* has made the determination about what's allowed to be exhibited at the museum. How have they defined art?

Discuss.

A long weekend in the sunshine

The upside to having a toddler who can't nap with any regularity or for any great length of time, is that there's really no good reason to state at home for nap time. In the past, because Peanut seemed to operate at her best if she was able to sleep in her crib for her morning and afternoon naps, we'd generally try to have her at home during those time frames (she was never a good car or stroller napper and without those naps - meltdowns were inevitable). Now however, we see now reason not to hit the road with her in tow since the lack of daytime sleep doesn't really seem to predict meltdowns and well, she can *not* sleep at home just as easily as she can *not* sleep at a park.

Over the weekend we went to several nearby parks. First we went to Hamadera Koen. It's a big park with lots and lots of playground equipment. The slides and jungle gyms that I've seen here in Japan are the kinds of things that I remember from my childhood in the U.S. Remember all the cool stuff that was a legal liability and was removed from playgrounds? They've still got a bunch of that stuff here and it's cool! I'm talking about huge slides, monstrous climbing gyms, etc. Peanut is too small for much of it, but the sheer volume of fun stuff to play on drew lots of families to the park on Saturday (combined with temperatures in the mid 70's F) and the people and kids alone are entertainment for Peanut.

On Sunday we ventured out to ExpoLand to see the tulip garden. Japan has a long history of trade with Holland (even during the 200 or so years that Japan was closed to trade with other countries). Hence, the tulip garden is a celebration of that long and prosperous history of trade. The colors were vibrant and we enjoyed eating our lunch near thousands of tulips on a perfectly warm and sunny day.

Monday the weather promised to be warm and sunny once more. We decided to take advantage of it to head up the mountain in search of the last cherry blossoms in this area. In Yoshino, we found dozens of small vendors selling all kinds of foods and other goods but by far my favorite was the sakura (cherry blossom) soft serve ice cream - delicious! We had a short hike up the mountain side, but with vendors all around us, the time passed quickly. If you've never been to Japan, you need to understand that the Japanese have a gift for building temples, shrines, etc. at the top of mountain, paving a bit of road or walkway to get up there, and then populating the road with vendors so that tourists can shop all the way up and down the mountain. I've seen buildings perched on the side of mountain where you couldn't possibly imagine a bar or ice cream shop could exist, yet they do! Anyway, the view from the top of this little mountain was lovely. On the way back down, we stopped in a noodle shop with a view of the mountainside and blossoms. I'm not the biggest fan of udon soup (there are plenty of other things I'd rather eat) but the view alone made it worthwhile to eat in our restaurant of choice.

Peanut was an angel each and every time we got in the car (unusual for a kid who has pretty much screamed her head off in the car since she was born) and every day we went out she far exceeded her usual one hour of stroller time limit. There's really no way around it; the weather was perfect, the company was unsurpassed and we couldn't have had a more lovely, long weekend.

"Time Changes"

Kym has a thoughtful post about adopting a motto and symbol to reflect who she is and wants to be. I'd never heard of the Adinkra symbols, but I love the look of them. The stark contrast of the black and white reminds me of the Kanji that I create with ink and brush each week. The depiction relies on careful use of white space and creating balance and contrast with the ink on paper. This seems to be a theme in my life lately and I was immediately drawn to the Adinkra symbols.

I had to think about what symbol seems most fitting. At first, I thought it might be Akoko Nan for mercy and nurturing. Right now I'm at a place in my life where I'm fortunate enough to be a mother and I'd like to continue mothering. As I look down the road at our journey into parenthood, I hope that Gboy and I will be able to add one more little one to our family, but I'm unclear how that might happen. This has been the source of some angst (have you noticed?!) as I compare myself to others who are making the journey faster and with more ease that I am. As a result I'm not sure I'm being very merciful to myself. And occasionally I'm not sure my thoughts are merciful to others (specifically I think of my poor SIL who through no fault of her own is the subject of my frustration at times).

So I carefully considered the list again. I think the symbol and motto that most appeals to me currently is Mmere Dane - "time changes" (change, life dynamics). This may not be the best description of my current state of mind, but I hope this is the direction in which I'm headed. You see, I had a sudden flash of insight the other day.

One of the things that has most frustrated me about my SIL's situation is that she makes no secret of the fact that she wants a bunch of kids. It seems that she will have no trouble conceiving/having them (update: she is in fact pregnant again and all is well with the pregnancy) and while I'm happy for her, I'm conflicted. A part of me is jealous of the way in which her life is unfolding according to her plan. At one time I had flirted with the idea of 3 kids (Gboy used to say he might like 3 or even 4!), but these days, I'm trying to be realistic. Not only about our likelihood of conception, but also of living a comfortable life with the kid(s) we have.

I'm not sure there's any way that we could ever realistically have 3 (or more!) kids and still be able to travel back and forth to see our respective families in Japan and the U.S. Airfare has to be a consideration along with daily expenses and college savings, etc. As a result, I hear my SIL saying she wants 4 kids but when I try to envision how on earth they'll afford that on her husband's salary, I can't see it. Then again, if they never travel to the U.S. or outside of Japan, living on a shoe-string budget may be perfectly acceptable for them. To me, that would be a huge loss that I couldn't envision for my family. And so, I may have to accept that 1 or 2 kids is the most we ever have (and frankly while I think I'd like a 2nd, after actually having 2 kids I might decide that was MORE than enough!) and that the trade-off is worth it.

This means accepting that I might be disappointed on some level each and every time my SIL gets pregnant. But if I know what the end goal and values of MY family is - then it shouldn't really matter what she does or how often the size of her family changes. This may be easier said than done, but I think it's possible to re-frame how I look at pregnancy and specifically SIL's pregnancies. Changes will happen in life, and not all of them will be changes that are comfortable to me, but that doesn't mean I won't get through them.

As I was laying in bed late the other night thinking about this, another thought popped into my head. I had this image of an older child - a child in foster care maybe, or maybe just another teen I mentor (something I loved doing). I was reminded of all the other ways I can care for children who might need some love and attention - things that I'm very much interested in doing and have been interested in for a long time. Things that I think Gboy might be interested in doing someday too. I guess I was just thinking that I don't yet know what life has in store for me, or for us, and that there may still be great things to come, even without a bunch of pregnancies.

I don't know what it all means or if this even makes sense. In the end, I think it all comes back to change and life dynamics and allowing things to unfold in ways that may not be clear to me now, but could be some of the most fulfilling parts of my life.

My life in list-form

I can't even think to make a coherent post right now. Instead, I'm going with a list instead:

• Saturday one of my sisters-in-law here in Japan made a trip to the hospital to get confirmation of her pregnancy after a positive EPT. I've talked about this before and on the one hand was a tad frustrated by the whole thing(with the mixed emotions that many folks who've struggled to get pregnant can surely understand) . Then they told her that the pregnancy might not be viable but it's too early to tell. The hospital also told my sister-in-law that she couldn't deliver at their hospital even if it IS viable. She came home upset by some/all of the news. The family spent all weekend agonizing over this - trying to get her a slot at the hospital of choice. FIL finally pulled some strings and got her in. We're waiting on a second ultrasound this weekend to find out how things are looking (as far as my SIL can tell things are going just fine). What a tangle.
• Saturday we also got word that a friend of the family was in a car accident. Or rather a car hit her while she was on her motorbike/scooter. She was knocked to the ground and sustained injuries including a broken collarbone and shoulder. The hospital she was taken to doesn't have a great reputation but she stayed and had the surgery there. She regained consciousness as they were finishing the surgery and although the local anesthesia was still working so she felt no pain, she had some sensation of what the doctors were doing and found it both unpleasant and scary. We've been making visits to check on her and make sure she's doing well until she can leave what looks like one of those hospital from horror flicks (old, rundown, creepy). ugh.
• Sunday was the memorial for Gboy's paternal grandmother. Lots of family, food, enjoyment of fine weather.
• Peanut has an 8th tooth coming in. This could explain some of the sudden uptick in wanting to be on or with Mama. I confess I love it. She smiles, runs to me, clings to my legs, generally wants to be with me. Doesn't really seem to be serious separation anxiety. Instead, she's really getting into hugs and snuggles and I had started to think I might not get many since she's always on the move and didn't seem to have the attention span for any of that.
• Peanut is starting to know her own name and is working on pronouncing it. SOOO cute.
  
  Gratuitous cute kid picture (enjoying aforementioned sunshine and good weather this weekend).
  
  

More than halfway there...

We've been here in Osaka for almost 5 months now. That means we're more than halfway done with our stay here. Nevermind that we're not entirely sure what happens after this summer. What we DO know is that we're returning to the U.S. in June so that we don't have to endure the hottest part of the year or as my husband likes to describe it "living in He$$ only with more humidity" - it's just that hot. Or at least it FEELS that hot to a couple of wimps who have been living in temperate Seattle for the last 8+ years.

Anyhoo....I started thinking about our time here and what I've learned and all that and came up with a few telling moments:

1) The other day Peanut grabbed at something and tried to cram it into the large family water bottle. All I could think of to say as I yelled to get the attention of my husband was, "The MIZU bottle! Something in Mizu bottle!" If you don't speak Japanese you may not know that mizu is the word for water. I nearly fell over when I realized that the Japanese word came more naturally to me in that moment.

2) My Japanese class, while sometimes challenging, feels really good right now. I feel as though I've moved past some mental block or plateau and suddenly the language is coming more easily. The conversational part of it I mean. I always did well with the written and listening components, but just couldn't get into the swing of the conversation and speaking until quite recently. It feels good. I'm not saying I'm doing it really well, but I'm doing it with much more ease and confidence and it's making group events fun!

3) Following on #2, yesterday was the one-year anniversary/memorial for my husband's paternal grandmother. It was her passing that prompted our move here. Today was a great opportunity for us to remember her and to honor her and for the whole family (her 4 children and spouses, 8 grandchildren and spouses, and 8 great-grandchildren) to come together and celebrate life. I was exhausted at the end of a long day, but I felt quite comfortable and was able to converse with several people (in a small talk kind of way). And it wasn't just that I was able to talk with people, but the knowledge that comes with being in a place for a while. When you know where the spoons and creamer are and can make yourself a cup of coffee - that kind of thing. Add to all this the fact that it was sunny and somewhere in the 60's (F) and we had the perfect day.

It certainly hasn't been easy during the last 5 months, but I'm pleased to say that things feel quite comfortable at the moment.

A little R & R

Things have been heavenly here for a couple of days. Sure my Japanese class is kicking my butt. (I have a lot of studying to do before Tuesday's final exam! That's what I get for joining mid-term and trying to keep up!) And sure I've been busy with about a dozen other things. But Peanut is feeling better than ever and I'm loving every minute of it.

She and I decorated the Christmas tree together. Lately, she's into handing things to people; this makes her the perfect assistant. I have no illusions that this will last. Instead, I took full advantage of this phase while I could! And truly, this activity put me in the Christmas spirit and brought tears to my eyes. I have such fond memories of all the years that I decorated the tree with my parents and my sister and I'm looking forward to sharing that with MY daughter for many years to come.

For the past couple of days, Peanut is also really into snuggling and what my husband likes to call "goro goro." We bought a new "hot carpet" and she adores rolling around on it. She never spent much time rolling around on the floor before. As soon as she figured out she could roll over she wanted to crawl and now she's walking and crawling everything and I usually feel like the lifeguard on duty rather than the mom (which sometimes stresses me out and wears me down). Needless to say I'm *thrilled* to finally be getting to spend a little R&R time with her. Hanging out, snuggling, rolling around on the carpet, laughing and truly enjoying each other's company. Last week by comparison was miserable and this is totally refreshing.

Oh, and one more fun treat. Peanut isn't really speaking any "words" per se although she's VERY vocal (my in-laws are constantly amazed at how loud she is compared to their other grand kids) and she says lots of syllables. Anyway, we're prepared for the fact that she might have slightly slower than average development in the speaking area as we are raising her with both English and Japanese and have learned that's pretty typical and nothing to worry about. We've also spent the last 4 months or so teaching her a few basic signs from American Sign Language. The other night, I asked her if she was ready for her bath and after saying the word (without signing it) three or four times, she burst into a smile and started signing back to me "bath". I just about fell over! She has since repeated this performance and my husband has witnessed it too - it's not just in my imagination. Now we're hoping to teach her the signs for her two favorite foods: banana and apple. I'm constantly amazed at how these little beings grow and develop and start walking and communicating...Makes all the tough moments worthwhile!

Life is good.