I was asked by my sister who I love dearly to address the distance that she feels is between us - ever since I visited her this fall. I tried to be truthful with myself and with her and I tried to be sure to use lots of "I" messages to convey MY side of things. I recognize that a lot of what I'm feeling may just be in my head. But I don't think she took it very well. And I'm sad that no matter how thoughtful I tried to be, it seems not to have worked.
I'm also sad because I feel like although she asked me what was going on, maybe she really didn't want to hear the truth and I should have known that. Isn't that sort of like the "Does this make me look fat?" question? The truth isn't always what is actually what we want to hear. Sometimes we just want and need to hear that everything is okay and I think I could have done that and addressed the issues at a later date when she is feeling more together. I suspect she's still really got her hands full with an almost 6 month old and adjusting to new parenthood etc.
But I just didn't think I was being hurtful. I thought I was trying to clear the air and help show my side of things and why our relationship might feel different to her and my behavior might seem different. *sigh* I'm not sure how I could have handled things differently but I do feel bad that she's so hurt. Naturally I didn't mean to hurt her. I just figured since she was asking for honesty that some thoughtful, carefully worded "it's me and not you" honesty might be helpful in clarifying the situation. But I was wrong again. This is not new for me or for us. You'd think after 33 years as sisters I would have figured this out.
How's your relationship with your sibling(s)? Am I the only one in this boat? Any suggestions on how to back things up and start over? Right now she's hurt and unable to address this conversation further, but before we ever talk about it again, I'd love to know what I should do to grovel some more and fix things, while still maintaining the right to express myself and my feelings (they're not totally invalid right?).