Thanks for all the kind words. Naturally, things are getting better. Well, Peanut is still sleeping like crap. She's teething, snotting etc. and then there were the fireworks that some twit set off two nights ago at like 11:30 pm when she had just finally settled down for what seemed like some decent sleep. But hey - that's what makes life fun right? Living on the edge with less sleep than I'd like - it's a reminder that I'm lucky to have a wonderful daughter.
But Gboy has been really helpful the past couple of days AND I'm starting to suspect that my short temper and overall intolerance and crankiness is fueled by PMS. I've nearly forgotten what it feels like (it's been over two years since I had it). I'm normally an incredibly patient person and not likely to yell or get angry at all, but for the last few days....look out! At this very moment, Gboy is downstairs trying to convince Peanut that she really *does* want to nap today and that 20 minutes in the car isn't sufficient and he's been at it for the last 30 minutes or so. I gave up after 20 minutes myself so he's already outdone me and I'm incredibly grateful both for the reprieve in the moment and if he gets her to sleep I'll be even more grateful!
The other thing I gained was some perspective. It looks like the library I'd been hoping to work for won't have the money to hire me back as a substitute in the near future. That's the cost of a recession I suppose. This just means that I'll be doing full-time childcare for Peanut for a while as Gboy works on his business idea. If we can get that afloat, then we'd be happy campers. What this also means is lots of computer time for him. The fact that I found him playing computer games a few times doesn't mean that he's not working, it just means that I happened to see him playing some games some of the time. And haven't we all chatted it up with a co-worker or blogged from work or browsed the internet from work? Okay - I have! I'm not an irresponsible employee, but I have certainly had personal conversations at work and browsed the internet when there was nothing else to do.
Plus I have to admit that adjusting to full time childcare with no Japanese classes or calligraphy classes or "me" time right now has been bumpy. We'll work it out. In fact, Gboy has suggested that I might take some time for myself to work on a few other ideas for R&R (and maybe even income) if I were to say, write a book. I adore him because of his confidence in me. He thinks I can totally write a kick-ass book despite the fact that I've never taken a writing class, don't write except to blog, and really don't even have an idea for a book. Still, the "me" time would be nice.
Oh, and I'll add that the hormones made me crazy upset last night when I got an email from a friend, I'll call her A.Z., who said she wouldn't be seeing me this morning despite our plans to meet up with a 3rd mutual friend. A.Z. had forgotten what day our brunch was scheduled for and made plans for this morning. This is the same friend who spaced on our going-away party last October. I'm starting to think that maybe we were good friends when we worked together a few years ago but that she's moved on and I'm the only one sticking with this friendship (these aren't the only 2 examples of situations like this from the last year or two). Seems like I make all the effort to invite and coordinate and she finally agrees on a date to join us and then forgets/doesn't show/comes really late/leaves really early etc. Last night this hit my last nerve and was making me feel really bad for myself. I'm trying to be a grown-up about the whole thing and just move on. If she wants to spend time with me, she'll contact me and if not, it's just time to accept it and move on. Theoretically I'm okay with that, but last night, the hormones were really strong and it really upset me. But you know what? Knowing it's the hormones makes me feel a whole lot better. I'm not crazy, just hormonal.