Friday, June 4, 2010

(Not) Loving Your Child

Wow. In light of yesterday's post it was weird to see this blog post on Motherlode. Reading it really choked me up. Have I mentioned that the pregnancy hormones are really, really raging these days? (I can't watch an episode of Glee without keeping the tissues handy.) The post deals with all of the ambivalence that I'd been feeling for the last 9 months or so but couldn't really articulate. "What if I don't love the 2nd baby as much?" "What if I love the 2nd baby too much and exclude or isolate my oldest child in some way?" "How will I juggle two kids in caring for them, nevermind how to dole out the love in the household?"

What I loved about the post is that many of the comments indicated that people have been feeling this in one way or another for years, with multiple kids, and that most of them seem to have found a way to make it all work. It's not always easy, but relationships with our kids can be much like a relationship with a partner/spouse; sometimes it takes work and effort.


  1. CG - both posts were so good. Although we have no plans or ability to add to our family, I've often thought that the dynamics and relationship I've built with Jun would change (not like it doesn't grow and change every day, but...) - and that brings a sense of loss to me. I hope you will continue to post about this once Peanut's little sibiling is born. I'm sure it will be helpful for others to see the reality of how it all works! Can't wait for pictures!!!

  2. It made me very uncomfortable to read the first story. I can't imagine feeling that way, and I don't want to imagine it. If anything, I think for me it would be the other way around. I really don't care much for newborns in general, and the post-partum period was really rough on me the first time, and I think I'll feel immense relief at seeing Z and remembering normalcy. Honestly, I'd rather it take a little extra time to bond deeply with the new baby than to feel distant from Z. The baby won't know the difference as long as I fake it and take care of her physical needs.