I've never even seen Enter the Dragon, but felt that a martial arts reference was somehow appropriate here.
Yes, Peanut is in daycare now. We started her last week. The plan is to have her in daycare 2 days a week in order for Gboy and I to attend to some work-related issues (his home business needs some help and at the moment the help is me). Also, I'm hoping to get some quality time with Sweet Pea (and I sincerely hope that we get to do some cat napping together on occasion). Furthermore, I think Peanut could really use the outlet. The daycare we've selected is attended by two of her toddler friends (comforting) and several other new playmates (exciting). They've also got tricycles (!) and dollhouses (!) and a chinchilla (!) and a kitten (!). They go on little excursions to the library and local playgrounds. And starting in one more week, she'll be having preschool in the mornings for a few hours. The preschool teacher is a certified 1st grade teacher with two kiddos of her own, both under the age of 5. It's a wonderful play-based environment that I think suits Peanut's personality beautifully.
Having said all of this, the first day went perfectly. By the second there were signs of some separation anxiety. It's increased little by little each day (we're at day 3 today) and although she loves the idea of playing at the daycare, she doesn't want to nap there. She hasn't outright refused to go yet, and willingly got dressed and walked over with me this morning. And all was going along really well until just before I walked out the door. That's when she lost it and the waterworks started. There was crying, howling, and climbing all over me (and little Sweet Pea who was strapped to me in the Bjorn). I know that kids do this. I know that separating takes time. And I also know that she's a pretty independent kid already (we did a play date test run that went without a hitch - she didn't seem to care if I was around at all that day). I suspect this is just something that we have to muddle through as many parents have done before me, but it feels hard. Really hard.
A part of me feels like I should be able to manage both kids and a home business all at the same time without needing outside help. But Peanut isn't that kind of kid. She's a high-energy kid who likes a *lot* of social interaction. I can only read so many books to her, or play ice cream shop with her for so many hours in the day before Sweet Pea just *has* to have her needs met and the business needs my attention. Eventually, my best efforts to multi-task ("Let's read a book while Mama feeds Sweet Pea") cease to be entertaining enough for Peanut - my little dynamo.
For now, we're riding it out to see where this takes us.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Identity and Change
Yesterday Gboy and I had yet another conversation about where and how to live in order to support the girls with becoming bilingual and bicultural. It seems we've discussed this over and over and over again. The sticking points include:
1) How to find a way to make a real home of OUR own while we live in Japan. Staying with my mother-in-law and father-in-law isn't all that bad. The cost of living is much more affordable that way and the girls benefit from having extended family members around (lots of them live very close by). And I'm fortunate to get along pretty well with my MIL and FIL. As much as Gboy and I have worked to carve out some space of our own in the large house, there's still work that needs to be done if I'm ever going to feel like I can call it my own.
2) How do I find a way to pursue a career path or even do some volunteer work that is fulfilling? Two and a half years ago when we found out that I was pregnant with our first child, I was just finishing my degree in library and information science. I was thrilled to have found a career that I expected to enjoy and had made a career change - quitting my job, and going back to school for another advanced degree - in order to do it. I love my children, but I also know that parenting alone isn't enough to fill me up. I may be able to say good-bye to my career as a young adult librarian. I mean, how can one work in a library for 6 months out of the year? How could I work in young adult services in Japan when I don't speak the language that well and I'm not sure the concept of YA librarian even exists in Japan. I'd be sad to give it up before I even got a chance to really be employed as a YA librarian, but if that goes, I really feel as though I'd need something else to take its place. I don't have that much time right now and I don't expect to or necessarily need to be working at the moment. But I'm looking at options for what to do in a couple of years when Peanut is ready for kindergarten and Sweet Pea is ready for preschool.
3) How do we manage to keep our home in the U.S. so that we have a place to return to? The idea of renting it out for 6 months at a time every year, to new renters, starts to feel like a logistical nightmare. Did I mention that the hardwood floors were damaged by our last renters? Their dog who according to them, never does this, urinated on the carpet. The didn't see it until it had soaked into the carpet and damaged both the carpet and floors. The dog also chewed up and destroyed a remote control. In the future, no pets! We'll learn these lessons the hard way I'm sure, but I'm not sure I really want to.
4) How do we educate the girls? Everyone asks us this question. If we're existing in two places (for now let's say 6 months in each location), how can the girls go to school? Do we pull them out of school mid-year? The fact that the school year calendars are different doesn't seem to help. In Japan the school year starts in April and there's no extended summer vacation like we're used to here in the U.S. This makes things tricky.
In the end, we've decide we're going to keep on trying to make our own path and carve out a lifestyle that works for all four of us and for now that means going back and forth between Japan and the U.S. After our long conversation yesterday, I visited a favorite website of mine, Multilingual Living and read this article on Identity and Change, which is really about how multicultural families can work together to make these huge and potentially life altering changes.
For me, it's obvious that there are significant changes to my identity if we continue to pursue this particular bicultural lifestyle. Item numbers one and two on this list deal directly with creating my own, comfortable personal space and my own personal identity with relation to work or other activities that I find fulfilling outside of my identity as a mother. While Gboy and I had some very productive conversation on our own yesterday and came to a conclusion that I think we're both happy with, I'm hoping that this article will give us some guidelines for decision-making that may help us in the future.
1) How to find a way to make a real home of OUR own while we live in Japan. Staying with my mother-in-law and father-in-law isn't all that bad. The cost of living is much more affordable that way and the girls benefit from having extended family members around (lots of them live very close by). And I'm fortunate to get along pretty well with my MIL and FIL. As much as Gboy and I have worked to carve out some space of our own in the large house, there's still work that needs to be done if I'm ever going to feel like I can call it my own.
2) How do I find a way to pursue a career path or even do some volunteer work that is fulfilling? Two and a half years ago when we found out that I was pregnant with our first child, I was just finishing my degree in library and information science. I was thrilled to have found a career that I expected to enjoy and had made a career change - quitting my job, and going back to school for another advanced degree - in order to do it. I love my children, but I also know that parenting alone isn't enough to fill me up. I may be able to say good-bye to my career as a young adult librarian. I mean, how can one work in a library for 6 months out of the year? How could I work in young adult services in Japan when I don't speak the language that well and I'm not sure the concept of YA librarian even exists in Japan. I'd be sad to give it up before I even got a chance to really be employed as a YA librarian, but if that goes, I really feel as though I'd need something else to take its place. I don't have that much time right now and I don't expect to or necessarily need to be working at the moment. But I'm looking at options for what to do in a couple of years when Peanut is ready for kindergarten and Sweet Pea is ready for preschool.
3) How do we manage to keep our home in the U.S. so that we have a place to return to? The idea of renting it out for 6 months at a time every year, to new renters, starts to feel like a logistical nightmare. Did I mention that the hardwood floors were damaged by our last renters? Their dog who according to them, never does this, urinated on the carpet. The didn't see it until it had soaked into the carpet and damaged both the carpet and floors. The dog also chewed up and destroyed a remote control. In the future, no pets! We'll learn these lessons the hard way I'm sure, but I'm not sure I really want to.
4) How do we educate the girls? Everyone asks us this question. If we're existing in two places (for now let's say 6 months in each location), how can the girls go to school? Do we pull them out of school mid-year? The fact that the school year calendars are different doesn't seem to help. In Japan the school year starts in April and there's no extended summer vacation like we're used to here in the U.S. This makes things tricky.
In the end, we've decide we're going to keep on trying to make our own path and carve out a lifestyle that works for all four of us and for now that means going back and forth between Japan and the U.S. After our long conversation yesterday, I visited a favorite website of mine, Multilingual Living and read this article on Identity and Change, which is really about how multicultural families can work together to make these huge and potentially life altering changes.
For me, it's obvious that there are significant changes to my identity if we continue to pursue this particular bicultural lifestyle. Item numbers one and two on this list deal directly with creating my own, comfortable personal space and my own personal identity with relation to work or other activities that I find fulfilling outside of my identity as a mother. While Gboy and I had some very productive conversation on our own yesterday and came to a conclusion that I think we're both happy with, I'm hoping that this article will give us some guidelines for decision-making that may help us in the future.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Cuteness Keeps Us Going
Here I am in the post-baby bliss phase. Sweet pea continues to sleep for monstrous chunks of time. As much as I adore holding her, she accommodates me by frequently offering to sleep peacefully on her own in a bouncy chair or her co-sleeper. She amazes me. Peanut could rarely be persuaded to be out of arms for more than a few moments. Additionally, Sweet Pea quiets the moment someone picks her up so there is rarely any fussing or crying for very long. It's a wonderful time around here which is good for adjusting to life with a newborn and toddler because the toddler still demands a great deal of time and attention any way you cut it.
In fact we had a day last week that was so rough I nearly ran screaming from the house. I just couldn't seem to communicate with Peanut (she's about to turn 2 1/2) who was fitful about everything. She was throwing things, kicking and hitting me - all very out of character for her - for no reason that I could see. By lunchtime I was exhausted and then she didn't take a very long nap which meant that I didn't get a whole lot of downtime. That night I had plans with some friends to go out and I was immensely grateful that the plans were in motion and Gboy planned to stay at home and put the girls to bed without me. I needed that night out (my first since Sweet Pea was born 5 weeks ago) in a way that was visceral.
Parenting a toddler continues to be a challenge each and every day, particularly as I now try to do it with one hand tied behind my back (so to speak). Having to stop whatever I'm doing with Peanut to nurse Sweet Pea has disrupted the rhythm of things. I'm hopeful that ultimately what will come out of this is more independence for Peanut. She's incredibly verbal and extremely conversational and very much into pretend play right now. As a result, she wants me to constantly be her playmate; I provide the voices for her dolls and stuffed animals and I'm the customer for her store, patient to her as doctor, etc. On top of all this, we're solidifying the potty training and we've moved her to a big girl bed after she figured out how to climb out of her crib just weeks after Sweet Pea's birth. BIG changes all around.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
It Was a Good Underwear Day
Once upon a time, before Gboy and I started thinking seriously about starting a family, our post-dinner conversations went something like this:
"Work was interesting today...."
"That was a really nice bottle of Merlot we had with dinner. I'd drink it again."
"What do you think we should do about the dead grass on our microscopic 'front lawn'? Should we think about landscaping it ourselves? " (Insert laughter here!)
Today, our post-dinner conversation actually began with Gboy saying, "It was a good underwear day." He was referring to the fact that Peanut wore her first pair of Big Sister underpants and kept them dry for the better part of the day (minus the 3 hours that we went out for an excursion and decided that with limited access to toilets a diaper was warranted instead). Life feels different when this is how daily conversation goes. Not bad, and not necessarily "good" (discussing the toilet habits of other people, even my own children, isn't high on my list of exciting things to do) but it feels very real and often very rewarding.
But if, 5 years ago, you'd asked me how to interpret that sentence, I wouldn't have had a clue about the context in which I might use it!!
"Work was interesting today...."
"That was a really nice bottle of Merlot we had with dinner. I'd drink it again."
"What do you think we should do about the dead grass on our microscopic 'front lawn'? Should we think about landscaping it ourselves? " (Insert laughter here!)
Today, our post-dinner conversation actually began with Gboy saying, "It was a good underwear day." He was referring to the fact that Peanut wore her first pair of Big Sister underpants and kept them dry for the better part of the day (minus the 3 hours that we went out for an excursion and decided that with limited access to toilets a diaper was warranted instead). Life feels different when this is how daily conversation goes. Not bad, and not necessarily "good" (discussing the toilet habits of other people, even my own children, isn't high on my list of exciting things to do) but it feels very real and often very rewarding.
But if, 5 years ago, you'd asked me how to interpret that sentence, I wouldn't have had a clue about the context in which I might use it!!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
I Miss My Mommy....
I dropped my mom and dad off at the airport just an hour ago and I miss them already. I'm wishing for my mom's help already. Gboy and I decided that despite my mom's earlier offer to stay longer if we needed her help, that we wouldn't make a request for her to extend her stay right now. She's been with us for approximately a month and has been helpful in countless ways. She stayed with Peanut while we were in the hospital overnight before we could come home with Sweet Pea. Mom took Peanut to the park and entertained her and baked cupcakes with her and basically ensured that she was having such a good time that she barely noticed Mama and Papa were gone. In fact, when Mom brought Peanut to the hospital to meet the new baby, I was afraid that Peanut would wail and refuse to leave without Mama; but I was wrong. Peanut and her Nana had a great time together.
My dad arrived a few days after the baby was born. His ruptured ear drum prevented him from arriving with my mom the prior week. He and my mom took Peanut to the Pike Place Market - a favorite tourist destination of theirs. She ate cookies! She saw the pig! She rode the bus! And apparently sang a song of her own creation entitled "Eeney Meeney Miney Moe" the entire way home. Mom and Dad played Play-Doh with her, read her books, fed her fruit, took her to the grocery store, and helped with the potty training (she's about 95% dry during the daytime hours these days). These are the things for which I am grateful and reasons why I will miss them.
Still, it feels almost too easy right now to have extra help. Well, the infant is easy. And I do mean super easy. When my mom stayed with us for the 4 weeks after Peanut was born, I distinctly remember one of us adults (Gboy, me or my mom) having to rock her through the dinner hours. She wasn't a colicky baby but she'd fuss for sure *every* night at dinner meaning two of us would eat and one would rock Peanut and then we'd switch. But Sweet Pea is a great sleeper and happy baby. She rarely fusses with the exception of an hour or two in the evening (usually for some stretch between 9 pm and 11pm). And once she's asleep she's asleep. Getting her back to sleep after she's nursed in the middle of the night is easy. Because Sweet Pea is a fast and efficient eater I get lots of nighttime sleep.
I expect everything to change at some point. It always does. But for now, we think we might be able to make it work. Having a husband who works from home also gives me lots of flexibility and support if I need it in a pinch. Needless to say, we're hoping for the best right now. Gambling on the fact that I've assessed the situation accurately and that I truly can spend most of my time entertaining Peanut. She loves, I'd even say needs, to have playmates; for now, I'm it! If things don't work out and we need more help, we'll have to consider preschool options or daycare. But we could also call Nana and have her come back out to lend a hand. I don't think she'd mind!
My dad arrived a few days after the baby was born. His ruptured ear drum prevented him from arriving with my mom the prior week. He and my mom took Peanut to the Pike Place Market - a favorite tourist destination of theirs. She ate cookies! She saw the pig! She rode the bus! And apparently sang a song of her own creation entitled "Eeney Meeney Miney Moe" the entire way home. Mom and Dad played Play-Doh with her, read her books, fed her fruit, took her to the grocery store, and helped with the potty training (she's about 95% dry during the daytime hours these days). These are the things for which I am grateful and reasons why I will miss them.
Still, it feels almost too easy right now to have extra help. Well, the infant is easy. And I do mean super easy. When my mom stayed with us for the 4 weeks after Peanut was born, I distinctly remember one of us adults (Gboy, me or my mom) having to rock her through the dinner hours. She wasn't a colicky baby but she'd fuss for sure *every* night at dinner meaning two of us would eat and one would rock Peanut and then we'd switch. But Sweet Pea is a great sleeper and happy baby. She rarely fusses with the exception of an hour or two in the evening (usually for some stretch between 9 pm and 11pm). And once she's asleep she's asleep. Getting her back to sleep after she's nursed in the middle of the night is easy. Because Sweet Pea is a fast and efficient eater I get lots of nighttime sleep.
I expect everything to change at some point. It always does. But for now, we think we might be able to make it work. Having a husband who works from home also gives me lots of flexibility and support if I need it in a pinch. Needless to say, we're hoping for the best right now. Gambling on the fact that I've assessed the situation accurately and that I truly can spend most of my time entertaining Peanut. She loves, I'd even say needs, to have playmates; for now, I'm it! If things don't work out and we need more help, we'll have to consider preschool options or daycare. But we could also call Nana and have her come back out to lend a hand. I don't think she'd mind!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Just an FYI
My friend Sunny is having a giveaway of some books that are about infertility. If you're interested or know anyone who might be, be sure to check out her blog in the next few days (final drawing is July 6th)!!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Second Time Around
I can't believe how much has changed and how much has *not* changed with a new baby in the house.
Some things are easier the second time around:
Some things are harder/different the second time around:
Peanut adores her little sister. She rarely calls the baby by her name; mostly she calls Sweet Pea "my baby". I think she's convinced that the new baby is simply one more addition to her menagerie of stuffed animals and dolls!
Basically, things are going well and we're all settling in to our new life!
Some things are easier the second time around:
- I don't worry every five minutes about whether or not the baby (i.e. Sweet Pea) is breathing. I just trust that she is!
- Nursing is easier. Maybe it's due in part to the fact that Sweet Pea is a natural, but maybe it's because after a rough start with Peanut (it took us 5 weeks or so to really get it right without nipple shields or pain medications for the sore nipples etc.) I have a much better idea of what to do.
- I've already adapted to being a mom. I already know that I may not be able to check my e-mail every day and that finding "free time" of my own isn't always easy. Having made this adjustment to my expectations with Peanut, I don't have to start from square one and the transition to adding a second baby to the family becomes easier in this regard.
- Sleep deprivation, or at least interrupted sleep is nothing new.
Some things are harder/different the second time around:
- Should I be holding her more rather than letting her sleep happily in her co-sleeper or bouncy chair? I hold her a lot; we all do. But sometimes it's a necessary evil when her older sister needs me, and Sweet Pea has been such a good and peaceful sleeper!
- I do have to juggle a toddler with a newborn.
- People assume we know what we're doing and the level of support is different. On a related note, many of our friends with kids of their own find that their toddlers become jealous if they hold our baby. Needless to say, it seems like fewer adults are making a grab for the baby. This feels different from the first time around.
- My expectations and memories of the older child child color things with the younger. I find myself wondering, "Why is she sleeping so much? I don't remember Peanut sleeping this much even when she was a newborn! Should Sweet Pea be eating more? Peanut never ate this fast or efficiently!" (Our doctor confirms that Sweet Pea is growing very well and appears to be a very efficient little eater. I probably spend no more than 2-3 hours a day feeding her whereas Peanut was such a leisurely/inefficient eater that I often found myself spending 12 hours a day feeding her when she was little.)
Peanut adores her little sister. She rarely calls the baby by her name; mostly she calls Sweet Pea "my baby". I think she's convinced that the new baby is simply one more addition to her menagerie of stuffed animals and dolls!
Basically, things are going well and we're all settling in to our new life!
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