I'm not even sure how to describe the last week. First we heard about the earthquake. An 8.9?! Then the tsunami. Then the news about the damaged nuclear reactors began to reach us. Little by little a bad situation became worse and then it got about as bad as it could get. Nuclear meltdown? Here? Really?
Okay -not here. We're down near Osaka which is still very far away from Tokyo and even farther away from the Fukushima power plant. The likelihood of our experiencing any nuclear radiation here is pretty slim. But. It's there and in light of the incredibly vague information provided by the power company and government in the early days of this crisis, combined with the sensationalized media in the U.S., my family and friend and I were worried. Gboy is admitting now that he was worried, but for the past week and half has been "stoically" Japanese reassuring me that nothing bad would happen and that we could safely stay.
Still, by Thursday night I'd had enough of sitting around waiting for Fukushima Dai-ichi to get a handle on the situation with the reactors - no power to them, no way to cool them successfully - after nearly a week it felt ridiculous to sit around and hope that things would suddenly resolve. Furthermore, by that point, the U.S. State Department had officially stated that their position would be to "encourage Americans to consider leaving Japan" - not Tokyo, but JAPAN.
Gboy finally agreed that perhaps a vacation somewhere else might not be a bad idea at least for a couple of weeks. It's spring break for Peanut now. "Why not go to Hawaii?" he said. We've talked about it for years. Even came close to going once upon a time almost 5 years ago (ahem - that would have been our honeymoon). But for a variety of reasons we never made it there. I'm trying to envision this as the honeymoon we never had, albeit with a preschooler and infant in tow this time. And naturally the price isn't what we would have liked. Going last minute is never ideal. But I figure you can't put a price on your health - not really. We'll be free from the threat of radiation from Dai-ichi for a couple of weeks and already my family is breathing easier.
In an interesting contrast, my mother-in-law is embarrassed to tell anyone that we're leaving. It's bad form to flee this crisis apparently. Also, the American government (and me by extension I suppose) is over-reacting by Japanese standards.
But I can't stay here right now. *I* need some room to breathe. All of this "suck it up" and "gaman" (perseverance basically) is wonderful on the one hand. On the other, it's downright silly if you ask me. Why more people aren't asking questions "Why did it take so long for the nuclear plant to hook up the electricity to the cooling pumps last week?" "Why is the government unable to provide food, blankets and aid to survivors of the quake/tsunami?" These kinds of questions seem like no-brainers to me. But I know that questioning authority is not how the Japanese do things. My husband describes his experience of school here and how frustrated he was when he didn't understand a concept. He'd ask the teacher the questions that would gain him understanding while every other student in the class sat there mutely; many of them would thank him after the fact because his questioning had enabled them to learn as well. *sigh* I'm not saying that the American way of schooling and questioning authority is better. It's just different and in these kinds of situations it seems that some questions need to be asked.
Anyway, I'm hoping that getting a little distance while give us the fresh start that we need. Right now our plan is to return here in early April, in time for Peanut to start yochien again. I'm really looking forward to a fresh start.
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
On Again, Off Again
One of the challenges of living in two places and two cultures is that just when I think I've got a handle on things, I realize that I don't.
For Peanut's birthday this year, (her 3rd!) I was determined to bake a birthday cake. This is fairly uncommon in Japan from what I see, and I felt strongly that since this is the 3rd time we've celebrated her birthday here, she deserved better than a store or bakery cake. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with that, but she won't get a party with all her friends, birthday crowns, etc. like many of her American friends are used to getting. Birthdays here in Japan seem to be pretty low-key (at least in my husband's family) and that's not what I want for Peanut. When I was a child, my parents didn't do anything extravagant for my birthday, but I was the special one on my birthday. My mom baked me a cake, and I'd often get to choose what we ate for dinner. It was little things, but things that let me know I was super important that day.
Anyway, I set out to find all the right ingredients and baking supplies including cake pans, sprinkles for decorating and even a "3" candle. I was surprised to find everything I needed, thanks to a friend who pointed me in the driection of a fabulous baking supply store. I came home and started to bake the cake. Not only did it look weird and puffy while baking, but when I tasted a sample, it just tasted....off. Metallic or bitter might be the words to describe the aftertaste. I had carefully measured and calculated everything because I've made mistakes before when converting measurements from English to metric units.
And yet.
When I asked Gboy to taste the cake he said he could taste a hint of something but didn't know that he'd complain about it. Still. I was hesitant about whether or not to serve this to his family. We went to the kitchen and double checked thee ingredients. Yup. I had used baking soda instead of baking powder. After all this time, I still couldn't remember that "tansan" is baking soda - NOT powder.
I was incredibly disappointed. I wanted it to work out for a change. I wanted to be successful at this. In the end, the cake was frosted and sprinkled and Peanut licked the frosting and sprinkles off not giving one whit about the cake anyway. And we did buy a back-up cake just before others arrived. Everyone was happy!
And lest this be a total downer of a story, I should mention that the piñata we set out to make was a huge success with Peanut and her cousins and the adults got a real kick out of watching the kids try to smash it. All's well that end's well!
For Peanut's birthday this year, (her 3rd!) I was determined to bake a birthday cake. This is fairly uncommon in Japan from what I see, and I felt strongly that since this is the 3rd time we've celebrated her birthday here, she deserved better than a store or bakery cake. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with that, but she won't get a party with all her friends, birthday crowns, etc. like many of her American friends are used to getting. Birthdays here in Japan seem to be pretty low-key (at least in my husband's family) and that's not what I want for Peanut. When I was a child, my parents didn't do anything extravagant for my birthday, but I was the special one on my birthday. My mom baked me a cake, and I'd often get to choose what we ate for dinner. It was little things, but things that let me know I was super important that day.
Anyway, I set out to find all the right ingredients and baking supplies including cake pans, sprinkles for decorating and even a "3" candle. I was surprised to find everything I needed, thanks to a friend who pointed me in the driection of a fabulous baking supply store. I came home and started to bake the cake. Not only did it look weird and puffy while baking, but when I tasted a sample, it just tasted....off. Metallic or bitter might be the words to describe the aftertaste. I had carefully measured and calculated everything because I've made mistakes before when converting measurements from English to metric units.
And yet.
When I asked Gboy to taste the cake he said he could taste a hint of something but didn't know that he'd complain about it. Still. I was hesitant about whether or not to serve this to his family. We went to the kitchen and double checked thee ingredients. Yup. I had used baking soda instead of baking powder. After all this time, I still couldn't remember that "tansan" is baking soda - NOT powder.
I was incredibly disappointed. I wanted it to work out for a change. I wanted to be successful at this. In the end, the cake was frosted and sprinkled and Peanut licked the frosting and sprinkles off not giving one whit about the cake anyway. And we did buy a back-up cake just before others arrived. Everyone was happy!
And lest this be a total downer of a story, I should mention that the piñata we set out to make was a huge success with Peanut and her cousins and the adults got a real kick out of watching the kids try to smash it. All's well that end's well!
Friday, January 7, 2011
They Paved The Cherry Blossoms
While you can't really see it in this photo, after you cross the street at the end of this path, there used to be a section of the road straight ahead lined with cherry blossoms on either side. They're in full bloom in this photo and mostly a blur of pink in the distance. I walked home this way today and was amazed yet again at how barren the area looks now that all those trees have been removed to make way for some sidewalks. Because I'm a pedestrian and public transportation rider, this works in my favor. But the cherry blossoms sure were prettier.
Even worse, the field that used to take up half the block on one side has now been turned into an industrial building (very common in this neighborhood) and a big parking lot adjoining the building. I'm not even sure what or who the parking lot is intended for since it was empty today - the first time I've seen it.
*sigh* Change can be hard to witness.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Identity and Change
Yesterday Gboy and I had yet another conversation about where and how to live in order to support the girls with becoming bilingual and bicultural. It seems we've discussed this over and over and over again. The sticking points include:
1) How to find a way to make a real home of OUR own while we live in Japan. Staying with my mother-in-law and father-in-law isn't all that bad. The cost of living is much more affordable that way and the girls benefit from having extended family members around (lots of them live very close by). And I'm fortunate to get along pretty well with my MIL and FIL. As much as Gboy and I have worked to carve out some space of our own in the large house, there's still work that needs to be done if I'm ever going to feel like I can call it my own.
2) How do I find a way to pursue a career path or even do some volunteer work that is fulfilling? Two and a half years ago when we found out that I was pregnant with our first child, I was just finishing my degree in library and information science. I was thrilled to have found a career that I expected to enjoy and had made a career change - quitting my job, and going back to school for another advanced degree - in order to do it. I love my children, but I also know that parenting alone isn't enough to fill me up. I may be able to say good-bye to my career as a young adult librarian. I mean, how can one work in a library for 6 months out of the year? How could I work in young adult services in Japan when I don't speak the language that well and I'm not sure the concept of YA librarian even exists in Japan. I'd be sad to give it up before I even got a chance to really be employed as a YA librarian, but if that goes, I really feel as though I'd need something else to take its place. I don't have that much time right now and I don't expect to or necessarily need to be working at the moment. But I'm looking at options for what to do in a couple of years when Peanut is ready for kindergarten and Sweet Pea is ready for preschool.
3) How do we manage to keep our home in the U.S. so that we have a place to return to? The idea of renting it out for 6 months at a time every year, to new renters, starts to feel like a logistical nightmare. Did I mention that the hardwood floors were damaged by our last renters? Their dog who according to them, never does this, urinated on the carpet. The didn't see it until it had soaked into the carpet and damaged both the carpet and floors. The dog also chewed up and destroyed a remote control. In the future, no pets! We'll learn these lessons the hard way I'm sure, but I'm not sure I really want to.
4) How do we educate the girls? Everyone asks us this question. If we're existing in two places (for now let's say 6 months in each location), how can the girls go to school? Do we pull them out of school mid-year? The fact that the school year calendars are different doesn't seem to help. In Japan the school year starts in April and there's no extended summer vacation like we're used to here in the U.S. This makes things tricky.
In the end, we've decide we're going to keep on trying to make our own path and carve out a lifestyle that works for all four of us and for now that means going back and forth between Japan and the U.S. After our long conversation yesterday, I visited a favorite website of mine, Multilingual Living and read this article on Identity and Change, which is really about how multicultural families can work together to make these huge and potentially life altering changes.
For me, it's obvious that there are significant changes to my identity if we continue to pursue this particular bicultural lifestyle. Item numbers one and two on this list deal directly with creating my own, comfortable personal space and my own personal identity with relation to work or other activities that I find fulfilling outside of my identity as a mother. While Gboy and I had some very productive conversation on our own yesterday and came to a conclusion that I think we're both happy with, I'm hoping that this article will give us some guidelines for decision-making that may help us in the future.
1) How to find a way to make a real home of OUR own while we live in Japan. Staying with my mother-in-law and father-in-law isn't all that bad. The cost of living is much more affordable that way and the girls benefit from having extended family members around (lots of them live very close by). And I'm fortunate to get along pretty well with my MIL and FIL. As much as Gboy and I have worked to carve out some space of our own in the large house, there's still work that needs to be done if I'm ever going to feel like I can call it my own.
2) How do I find a way to pursue a career path or even do some volunteer work that is fulfilling? Two and a half years ago when we found out that I was pregnant with our first child, I was just finishing my degree in library and information science. I was thrilled to have found a career that I expected to enjoy and had made a career change - quitting my job, and going back to school for another advanced degree - in order to do it. I love my children, but I also know that parenting alone isn't enough to fill me up. I may be able to say good-bye to my career as a young adult librarian. I mean, how can one work in a library for 6 months out of the year? How could I work in young adult services in Japan when I don't speak the language that well and I'm not sure the concept of YA librarian even exists in Japan. I'd be sad to give it up before I even got a chance to really be employed as a YA librarian, but if that goes, I really feel as though I'd need something else to take its place. I don't have that much time right now and I don't expect to or necessarily need to be working at the moment. But I'm looking at options for what to do in a couple of years when Peanut is ready for kindergarten and Sweet Pea is ready for preschool.
3) How do we manage to keep our home in the U.S. so that we have a place to return to? The idea of renting it out for 6 months at a time every year, to new renters, starts to feel like a logistical nightmare. Did I mention that the hardwood floors were damaged by our last renters? Their dog who according to them, never does this, urinated on the carpet. The didn't see it until it had soaked into the carpet and damaged both the carpet and floors. The dog also chewed up and destroyed a remote control. In the future, no pets! We'll learn these lessons the hard way I'm sure, but I'm not sure I really want to.
4) How do we educate the girls? Everyone asks us this question. If we're existing in two places (for now let's say 6 months in each location), how can the girls go to school? Do we pull them out of school mid-year? The fact that the school year calendars are different doesn't seem to help. In Japan the school year starts in April and there's no extended summer vacation like we're used to here in the U.S. This makes things tricky.
In the end, we've decide we're going to keep on trying to make our own path and carve out a lifestyle that works for all four of us and for now that means going back and forth between Japan and the U.S. After our long conversation yesterday, I visited a favorite website of mine, Multilingual Living and read this article on Identity and Change, which is really about how multicultural families can work together to make these huge and potentially life altering changes.
For me, it's obvious that there are significant changes to my identity if we continue to pursue this particular bicultural lifestyle. Item numbers one and two on this list deal directly with creating my own, comfortable personal space and my own personal identity with relation to work or other activities that I find fulfilling outside of my identity as a mother. While Gboy and I had some very productive conversation on our own yesterday and came to a conclusion that I think we're both happy with, I'm hoping that this article will give us some guidelines for decision-making that may help us in the future.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Second Time Around
I can't believe how much has changed and how much has *not* changed with a new baby in the house.
Some things are easier the second time around:
Some things are harder/different the second time around:
Peanut adores her little sister. She rarely calls the baby by her name; mostly she calls Sweet Pea "my baby". I think she's convinced that the new baby is simply one more addition to her menagerie of stuffed animals and dolls!
Basically, things are going well and we're all settling in to our new life!
Some things are easier the second time around:
- I don't worry every five minutes about whether or not the baby (i.e. Sweet Pea) is breathing. I just trust that she is!
- Nursing is easier. Maybe it's due in part to the fact that Sweet Pea is a natural, but maybe it's because after a rough start with Peanut (it took us 5 weeks or so to really get it right without nipple shields or pain medications for the sore nipples etc.) I have a much better idea of what to do.
- I've already adapted to being a mom. I already know that I may not be able to check my e-mail every day and that finding "free time" of my own isn't always easy. Having made this adjustment to my expectations with Peanut, I don't have to start from square one and the transition to adding a second baby to the family becomes easier in this regard.
- Sleep deprivation, or at least interrupted sleep is nothing new.
Some things are harder/different the second time around:
- Should I be holding her more rather than letting her sleep happily in her co-sleeper or bouncy chair? I hold her a lot; we all do. But sometimes it's a necessary evil when her older sister needs me, and Sweet Pea has been such a good and peaceful sleeper!
- I do have to juggle a toddler with a newborn.
- People assume we know what we're doing and the level of support is different. On a related note, many of our friends with kids of their own find that their toddlers become jealous if they hold our baby. Needless to say, it seems like fewer adults are making a grab for the baby. This feels different from the first time around.
- My expectations and memories of the older child child color things with the younger. I find myself wondering, "Why is she sleeping so much? I don't remember Peanut sleeping this much even when she was a newborn! Should Sweet Pea be eating more? Peanut never ate this fast or efficiently!" (Our doctor confirms that Sweet Pea is growing very well and appears to be a very efficient little eater. I probably spend no more than 2-3 hours a day feeding her whereas Peanut was such a leisurely/inefficient eater that I often found myself spending 12 hours a day feeding her when she was little.)
Peanut adores her little sister. She rarely calls the baby by her name; mostly she calls Sweet Pea "my baby". I think she's convinced that the new baby is simply one more addition to her menagerie of stuffed animals and dolls!
Basically, things are going well and we're all settling in to our new life!
Friday, June 4, 2010
(Not) Loving Your Child
Wow. In light of yesterday's post it was weird to see this blog post on Motherlode. Reading it really choked me up. Have I mentioned that the pregnancy hormones are really, really raging these days? (I can't watch an episode of Glee without keeping the tissues handy.) The post deals with all of the ambivalence that I'd been feeling for the last 9 months or so but couldn't really articulate. "What if I don't love the 2nd baby as much?" "What if I love the 2nd baby too much and exclude or isolate my oldest child in some way?" "How will I juggle two kids in caring for them, nevermind how to dole out the love in the household?"
What I loved about the post is that many of the comments indicated that people have been feeling this in one way or another for years, with multiple kids, and that most of them seem to have found a way to make it all work. It's not always easy, but relationships with our kids can be much like a relationship with a partner/spouse; sometimes it takes work and effort.
What I loved about the post is that many of the comments indicated that people have been feeling this in one way or another for years, with multiple kids, and that most of them seem to have found a way to make it all work. It's not always easy, but relationships with our kids can be much like a relationship with a partner/spouse; sometimes it takes work and effort.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Finally - Making Peace with the Change
I can't really say where I've been or what I've been doing, mostly because I don't know. I think I'm just trying to mentally prepare for a major transition in my life. Mel pointed out that perhaps that's part of the source of my frustration/funk and why I feel so out of sorts lately. Our family will be growing and changing in a few short weeks and I feel more unprepared now than I did before Peanut's arrival. I suppose it's partly because I want to protect her from any upset or upheaval that the new baby will bring to our lives and household. I didn't have that kind of motivation before she arrived; Gboy and I were looking forward to upheaval and to the potential chaos that a baby would bring to our family. We had longed for it for close to two years before she arrived. This time around things are different.
I think it's just in the past two weeks that I've given myself permission to be okay with the fact that there may be turmoil and not everything will go smoothly and I don't have to love that fact. Change is hard. But I think that acknowledging those feelings and some of the...I don't know what to call it exactly but it's almost like it was resentment...toward the wee one in the womb actually made it easier for me to look forward to the littlest one's arrival. Finally. I've spent months feeling guilty that I wasn't over the moon ecstatic about the changes we're looking at in our family instead of just admitting that I've been scared and at times overwhelmed. Thinking about how to manage two small children has left me feeling nearly paralyzed with fear at times. Of course this is exactly what I wanted. But I kept hearing that old adage in my mind "be careful what you wish for".
Finally though, I'm starting to have the excitement and anticipation that I've been waiting almost 9 months to experience. I'm starting to really look forward to seeing this baby in the outside world. I'm looking forward to holding a tiny bundle in my arms again. I'm excited about introducing the baby to Peanut who is *so* ready to be a Big Sister. We've been reading all kinds of books about siblings and now as far as she's concerned, every family picture we draw and every family of animals or people that we see must contain a big sister. Good things are coming.
Finally.
I think it's just in the past two weeks that I've given myself permission to be okay with the fact that there may be turmoil and not everything will go smoothly and I don't have to love that fact. Change is hard. But I think that acknowledging those feelings and some of the...I don't know what to call it exactly but it's almost like it was resentment...toward the wee one in the womb actually made it easier for me to look forward to the littlest one's arrival. Finally. I've spent months feeling guilty that I wasn't over the moon ecstatic about the changes we're looking at in our family instead of just admitting that I've been scared and at times overwhelmed. Thinking about how to manage two small children has left me feeling nearly paralyzed with fear at times. Of course this is exactly what I wanted. But I kept hearing that old adage in my mind "be careful what you wish for".
Finally though, I'm starting to have the excitement and anticipation that I've been waiting almost 9 months to experience. I'm starting to really look forward to seeing this baby in the outside world. I'm looking forward to holding a tiny bundle in my arms again. I'm excited about introducing the baby to Peanut who is *so* ready to be a Big Sister. We've been reading all kinds of books about siblings and now as far as she's concerned, every family picture we draw and every family of animals or people that we see must contain a big sister. Good things are coming.
Finally.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
"Stealing" Christmas
I want to start with the wonder of Christmas. It was a beautiful day and I was thankful to celebrate it while surrounded by my family. Hopefully I'll even come back to this. But for now, I want to digress.
I am really struggling with how to make sense of the different parenting styles that my sister and I have. She has a difficult time relaxing when my daughter is around. Peanut at almost 2 years old, is perceived by my sister as a constant threat to her 5 month old son (let's call him Buddy). As soon as Peanut sees a toy that she would like, she wants to grab it away from Buddy. The grabbing is a recent development. With our friends in our parenting support group, the other children are close in age to Peanut and fortunately we all see more or less eye to eye about sharing and how to encourage the kids to share (esp. as they're all at an age where they need to do this).
With my sister, she can't stand to surrender one of Buddy's toys or books for even a moment (something I might do to keep another kid happy). I can respect this, but I'd rather she use a firm, "No" or "It's Buddy's turn, you have to wait for your turn." This is the language we use regularly with Peanut. Instead, I went upstairs for a few moments the other day and heard her yell, quite sharply at Peanut saying, "NO Peanut, that's stealing!!". At first I had to laugh. How many 2 year olds understand the concept of stealing and thievery?? And then I was just frustrated. Because my sister is pretty high-strung. Because she can't seem to accept that Peanut is doing what toddlers do. Because although my sister, BIL and Buddy have only been here in my parents' house since the morning of the 24th and I'm very happy for them to leave today (once upon a time I would have wished that my sister and BIL could stay another week).
Being a parent changes you. I understand that and I'm constantly grateful for the opportunity to be changed by it. I just can't help but wonder if my sister and I will ever see eye to eye again. I confess I'm amazed at how much I see my life through this lens of motherhood in ways that I didn't anticipate. I didn't think it would change my relationship with my sister but it has. Once upon a time I felt that she'd be best guardian for my daughter; now I know that I couldn't live with that decision. I always knew that our outlooks on life are different, but I thought for sure that I could live with that and I could handle knowing that she was parenting Peanut. But there's no way that I could do that now. My sister has her hands full with her own son. And she's a high-strung, anxious person - to a degree that I hadn't really seen until she was also a mom.
Becoming a mom - being a mom can change so much.
I am really struggling with how to make sense of the different parenting styles that my sister and I have. She has a difficult time relaxing when my daughter is around. Peanut at almost 2 years old, is perceived by my sister as a constant threat to her 5 month old son (let's call him Buddy). As soon as Peanut sees a toy that she would like, she wants to grab it away from Buddy. The grabbing is a recent development. With our friends in our parenting support group, the other children are close in age to Peanut and fortunately we all see more or less eye to eye about sharing and how to encourage the kids to share (esp. as they're all at an age where they need to do this).
With my sister, she can't stand to surrender one of Buddy's toys or books for even a moment (something I might do to keep another kid happy). I can respect this, but I'd rather she use a firm, "No" or "It's Buddy's turn, you have to wait for your turn." This is the language we use regularly with Peanut. Instead, I went upstairs for a few moments the other day and heard her yell, quite sharply at Peanut saying, "NO Peanut, that's stealing!!". At first I had to laugh. How many 2 year olds understand the concept of stealing and thievery?? And then I was just frustrated. Because my sister is pretty high-strung. Because she can't seem to accept that Peanut is doing what toddlers do. Because although my sister, BIL and Buddy have only been here in my parents' house since the morning of the 24th and I'm very happy for them to leave today (once upon a time I would have wished that my sister and BIL could stay another week).
Being a parent changes you. I understand that and I'm constantly grateful for the opportunity to be changed by it. I just can't help but wonder if my sister and I will ever see eye to eye again. I confess I'm amazed at how much I see my life through this lens of motherhood in ways that I didn't anticipate. I didn't think it would change my relationship with my sister but it has. Once upon a time I felt that she'd be best guardian for my daughter; now I know that I couldn't live with that decision. I always knew that our outlooks on life are different, but I thought for sure that I could live with that and I could handle knowing that she was parenting Peanut. But there's no way that I could do that now. My sister has her hands full with her own son. And she's a high-strung, anxious person - to a degree that I hadn't really seen until she was also a mom.
Becoming a mom - being a mom can change so much.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)