Okaasan Mommy

"After Care" Summary

2011-08-17T08:52:00.003+09:00

Had a visit with my doctor and she's convinced that I'm actually suffering from migraines and not sinus headaches. She asked if there's a family history of migraines and I said no. After talking to my parents later in the day, I now know that I was mistaken. My father's mother apparently suffered from occasional migraines. Well. That was news to me and suddenly cast a very different light on my experience.

As for the impaired hearing, she thinks I may be dealing with a blockage in the inner ear which hopefully my prescription for Flonase will help to resolve. Nevertheless, she is recommending a hearing test in order to get more information.

So. Now we wait. We hope for no further migraines like the one I had in early July. And we hope that the Flonase clears the blockage and restores my hearing.

In the meantime, I'm happy to be feeling well physically otherwise. Did I mention I tried Zumba for the first time last week? And I've been going to yoga classes 2-3 times a week for the last few weeks. I'm determined to focus on myself and my health in an attempt to tamp down a rising anxiety about a life lived in two countries and two houses and packing and travel and making and keeping friends in two places and having no career in either place and feeling generally uncertain about how to make decisions and proceed with life from this place of confusion. But more on that later....

We Interrupt Regular Programming...

2011-08-07T07:55:00.002+09:00

to mention that the transition back to living in the USA has been the hardest this time. Gameboy and I spent several weeks coping with jet lag and then sinus issues. I had a sinus headache that rivaled anything I've ever experienced in terms of pain. I spent several days just before July 4th laying on the couch and vomitting every time I moved in part because the pain was so intense and in part because I was dizzy (that's the great part about sinus issues affecting your inner ear). I finally went to urgent care when I was dry heaving after 36 hours of vomitting etc. They gave me an IV drip for the dehydration and then some anti-nausea meds and some pain killers. It was an incredible relief. They sent me home with some anti-nausea and anti-dizziness meds for which I am grateful as once again I have a sinus headache that is nearly incapacitating.

One day I'll look back on this blog and wonder how I spent my summer and I'll know; that was the summer that it didn't feel like summer (our temperatures have just started to climb into the 70s despite a heat wave throughout the rest of the country) and I was so crippled with pain that I couldn't do a whole heck of lot. Unpacking has taken forever and the girls are left largely to entertain themselves indoors because walking even the 3 blocks to the park seems like a major effort.

I've scheduled an appointment with my physician and hope she has some answers.

Friends and Books

2011-08-05T17:33:00.004+09:00

I had coffee with a friend a few days ago. I visited her without the kids. She lives a mere 3 blocks from our house. Being back in the USA I have had a chance to reconnect with some friends and it's been refreshing. It's nice not to have to journey for a minimum of an hour to visit with a friend (something that's pretty much a part of my life in Osaka). It's great to be able to stave off the loneliness that just seems to be a recent, perhaps growing part of my life in Japan despite my best efforts to work against it. I hope to come back and write more about this later, but for now this serves as a start.

Project Progeny recently photographed some of her bookshelves and I thought I'd snap a photo of my current bedside books as well. Clearly (per the photo) I've got friends and friendship on the brain in part because of posts by her and posts by Mel with regard to the topic, but also because I've been giving this a lot of thought in my life in the last year. Trying to figure out how to nurture friendships that only get the benefit of my physical presence 6 months out of the year isn't always easy.

My reading tastes are otherwise eclectic right now. I can't decide what to read; instead I keep sampling and reading bits and pieces of lots of different things. I'm working on Bad Monkeys, Cinderella Ate My Daughter, Blackout, The Friendship Crisis and NurtureShock simultaneously. Each is interesting in its own way. Blackout is a slower read with a lot of historical fiction detail to it, while Bad Monkeys reads quickly and easily and feels like a movie. What are you reading?

High Anxiety!*

2011-06-20T07:21:00.005+09:00

Mel had a great idea for a post (for more on this see Prompt-ly!)- consider the thing you are most anxious about and then consider the thing you are most sure of right in this moment. I think this question is especially timely for me as I transition back to the USA from Japan. Not only do I find myself wondering about our decision to travel back and forth with such frequency, but I find myself wondering about how I could possibly have a career again (something I'd like to try to do) while bouncing back and forth.

The one thing that I am most sure of in the midst of all this, is that returning to Seattle right now is the best, most *right* thing we could possibly do. This is really a personal opinion although I do suspect that it's a very beneficial thing for the girls as well. (In fact my oldest told me that while she's sad to be leaving her friends in Japan, she was really looking forward to seeing her Seattle friends. And since our return she has told us several times that she's happy.) I just can't imagine staying in Japan full-time. I know that my husband would be happy if I'd consider this as a possibility, but he isn't pushing for it by any means. Still, he is pushing for a continuance of the 6 months here and 6 months there lifestyle. As I looked around our house at all the things that need to be moved around to make way for us again (we stored a bunch of things while renters were here), it nearly overwhelmed me yesterday. "I have to move that stuff again?" We've moved some of this stuff around 6 times in the last 3 years (once before going and once upon our return for the last 3 trips). It's starting to feel like we're on a hamster wheel and just can't off. But I know for sure that being here right now will fulfill my soul. It will recharge me in a way that living in Japan just can't. I get to reconnect with friends who speak English. I get to bake in my own kitchen. I get to sleep in my own bed. It's heavenly and we've only been here for a few days.

*I keep hearing the lyrics for this song in my head. Mel Brooks, Cloris Leachman, Madeline Kahn, Harvey Korman - this was good stuff!

"It's Been....Like Forever!"

2011-06-14T21:54:00.002+09:00

She said in a high squealing '80s Valley Girl voice. I really don't have much time for a serious post at the moment. I should be packing or sleeping or both. Wouldn't it be great if we could do both simultaneously?! Because I'm headed back to the U! S! A! tomorrow. Land of cupcakes! And bad reality tv shows aired in the English language! And lots and lots of radio stations also in English!

I just received a notice from my public library today via email. They have removed all the suspensions (per my request) and will activate all my hold requests for books in ENGLISH! I could have them delivered to my local branch in just days. I am so freakin' excited it is ridiculous. I have requested books for me. Books for Peanut (almost 3 1/2 and a full on book devourer). Books for our family. Books *about* books (my husband thinks this is hysterical). I am giddy with anticipation.

I have some thoughts about why updating this blog has been tricky as of late (and in general). I'm hoping that joining Prompt-ly the writing group of sorts will help me sort things out a bit.

In the meantime, know that I am currently thousands of miles overhead winging my way back to the Pacific Northwest with a song in my heart, smile on my face, and the promise of summer in my back pocket!

The Hostess with the Most-ess?

2011-04-26T11:15:00.004+09:00

A friend came with her husband and son for a visit at the house yesterday. It was nice to have friends of my own here at our home here in Japan, but hard too. It doesn’t feel like “my” space despite my husband's assertions that I should think of it as such. It feels like I have to displace his parents and that feels very uncomfortable. And it was weird when my father-in-law showed up at the house briefly, basically ignored my friends, sort of grunted at my husband (this is typical - he's a man of few words and a grumpy disposition outwardly), then excused himself and my husband, they talked for a couple of minutes and then my father-in-law left the house as quickly as he arrived. My friend wanted to introduce herself and observe the usual niceties (typical in both American and perhaps even more so in Japanese culture), but I had no idea what to say or do given my father-in-law's usual demeanor, and the whole thing felt incredibly awkward to me.

I miss having my own house and space. My mother-in-law had very kindly purchased a few things at the store that we could serve at lunch. I hate feeling conflicted but honestly, on the one hand I was frustrated because I felt as though she was trying to do my job as hostess, but on the other hand, I appreciate that she truly wants to help. I think she understands that my hesitancy to use "her" kitchen makes living here (and hosting friends) a significant challenge for me. And that sense of an obstacle in my way makes me lonely. We host a lot of friends at our house in Seattle and when we're here in Japan, it's generally just family and one close friend of my husband's.

I miss being closer to friends so that it’s not always such a production to have a visit. I miss having my own kitchen to cook in. I hate that I feel as though I'm whining about this all the time and I just don't have a good solution for any of it.

Split Personality

2011-04-14T15:36:00.004+09:00

Sometimes I feel like that's how I have to live - with two different personalities. In order to essentially live in two places at once, I must only be half-involved in each place. The other day was Peanut's nyuenshiki or "entry ceremony" for her preschool here in Japan. I love that she gets to create this memory for herself - something so quintessentially Japanese. But as I sat through the PTA meeting following the ceremony, I became sad. As I watched the other mothers preparing for a new school year filled with playdates, field trips and the like, I was a little relieved that I wouldn't be pressured to be in charge of some distasteful task for the PTA, but I was sad that I won't have the chance to be really involved either. It's not so much that I want to be in charge of all things PTA, it's more that this signifies an opportunity to get to know people in a more lasting and meaningful way. And given our current lifestyle, I have to repeatedly suspend friendships and relationships with people while we travel to the other side of the globe.

Yay for world travel and bringing up our kids multiculturally and bilingually! Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to be this fortunate. But I keep wondering, "How do you know when you've sacrificed too much?" I think this is a particularly thorny issue when kids are involved. I want to offer my girls the world (literally) at times, but I don't want to sublimate my own needs to the point that I end up regretting my/our decision years later.

I'm happy to think that we head back to Seattle in just a couple of months where I can renew some friendships, but we're already thinking about preschool for Peanut and that means contemplating how long she could reasonably be enrolled before we leave again. And this raises all these questions again, and again and again. How long can we keep this up? Can we really be this nomadic and still satisfy the needs of the girls? And what about my needs? Gboy is very adaptable and doesn't really mind either way. Having lived half his life in Japan and half his life in the U.S. I think he feels we've pretty much achieved the perfect balance by living in both places half-time. I wish I could feel the same, but it's not that easy for me. I need people. I need friendships. I need community. I need to be involved in my community.

I'm just not sure how to unify the two halves of my personality and existence in two places.

Promise of Spring

2011-04-08T05:09:00.004+09:00

We're back in Osaka after an incredibly relaxing and restful vacation in Hawaii. The circumstances under which we left were not ideal, but I'm very glad that we went. Having some physical and psychological distance from all the trauma and disaster here has been beneficial. While Gboy continued to read all the news from Japan religiously while we were on vacation, I read almost no news about Japan's many disasters. It's nice not to feel an almost strangling sense of fear and anxiety. It was truly the break that I needed to gain some perspective. I confess I felt guilty about being there and enjoying life immensely, but it was also one of the best birthdays I can remember celebrating.

Now that we're back, and the cherry blossoms as always, are blossoming at this time of year, it feels like spring is truly on its way. And it's almost harder, in light of the promise of spring and all the rebirth that comes with it, to imagine that part of this country continues to languish without sufficient supplies, housing and even electricity. That feels like such a different experience from what we have here in Osaka. Here there are no shortages. Here the weather is lovely. Here, there is no sign of radiation. It's almost incomprehensible.

And as I watch Sweet Pea starting to really cruise and use a push toy to walk all over the house, I see that life goes on and moments of innocence still abound.

Change of Scenery

2011-03-20T23:37:00.003+09:00

I'm not even sure how to describe the last week. First we heard about the earthquake. An 8.9?! Then the tsunami. Then the news about the damaged nuclear reactors began to reach us. Little by little a bad situation became worse and then it got about as bad as it could get. Nuclear meltdown? Here? Really?

Okay -not here. We're down near Osaka which is still very far away from Tokyo and even farther away from the Fukushima power plant. The likelihood of our experiencing any nuclear radiation here is pretty slim. But. It's there and in light of the incredibly vague information provided by the power company and government in the early days of this crisis, combined with the sensationalized media in the U.S., my family and friend and I were worried. Gboy is admitting now that he was worried, but for the past week and half has been "stoically" Japanese reassuring me that nothing bad would happen and that we could safely stay.

Still, by Thursday night I'd had enough of sitting around waiting for Fukushima Dai-ichi to get a handle on the situation with the reactors - no power to them, no way to cool them successfully - after nearly a week it felt ridiculous to sit around and hope that things would suddenly resolve. Furthermore, by that point, the U.S. State Department had officially stated that their position would be to "encourage Americans to consider leaving Japan" - not Tokyo, but JAPAN.

Gboy finally agreed that perhaps a vacation somewhere else might not be a bad idea at least for a couple of weeks. It's spring break for Peanut now. "Why not go to Hawaii?" he said. We've talked about it for years. Even came close to going once upon a time almost 5 years ago (ahem - that would have been our honeymoon). But for a variety of reasons we never made it there. I'm trying to envision this as the honeymoon we never had, albeit with a preschooler and infant in tow this time. And naturally the price isn't what we would have liked. Going last minute is never ideal. But I figure you can't put a price on your health - not really. We'll be free from the threat of radiation from Dai-ichi for a couple of weeks and already my family is breathing easier.

In an interesting contrast, my mother-in-law is embarrassed to tell anyone that we're leaving. It's bad form to flee this crisis apparently. Also, the American government (and me by extension I suppose) is over-reacting by Japanese standards.

But I can't stay here right now. *I* need some room to breathe. All of this "suck it up" and "gaman" (perseverance basically) is wonderful on the one hand. On the other, it's downright silly if you ask me. Why more people aren't asking questions "Why did it take so long for the nuclear plant to hook up the electricity to the cooling pumps last week?" "Why is the government unable to provide food, blankets and aid to survivors of the quake/tsunami?" These kinds of questions seem like no-brainers to me. But I know that questioning authority is not how the Japanese do things. My husband describes his experience of school here and how frustrated he was when he didn't understand a concept. He'd ask the teacher the questions that would gain him understanding while every other student in the class sat there mutely; many of them would thank him after the fact because his questioning had enabled them to learn as well. *sigh* I'm not saying that the American way of schooling and questioning authority is better. It's just different and in these kinds of situations it seems that some questions need to be asked.

Anyway, I'm hoping that getting a little distance while give us the fresh start that we need. Right now our plan is to return here in early April, in time for Peanut to start yochien again. I'm really looking forward to a fresh start.

Between a Rock and a Hard Place? Or the Best of Both Worlds?

2011-03-12T09:52:00.004+09:00

Living in two places offers the best of both worlds, but I've said it before - it also makes me wish to be in exactly the place that I am NOT. As news broke yesterday about the huge earthquake and tsunamis in Japan, I kept wishing that we weren't here right now. I was wishing that we were in Seattle. Of course Seattle has had it's own share of quakes. But the grass is always greener elsewhere.

Lately this has been the metaphor for my life. I love my kids. I do. But I can't stop thinking about the time before they were in my life. The time before we spent 14 months trying to get pregnant. The time when I could go out and do errands without having to take a diaper bag along. The time when I could have a glass of wine and watch a movie before falling asleep at night rather than passing out each evening as soon as both kids are finally asleep (at least for the 1st time of the night - nevermind the multiple wake-ups all night long).

And yet. I don't want to trade any of my experiences. I don't truly want to go back to a time before the girls. How sad that would be. As the littlest one peeks out at me and plays peek-a-boo right this moment I can't imagine a sweeter smile.

Not living in Japan for at least some of the time, would mean a totally different lifestyle for us as well. I am amazed at how quickly Peanut has fallen into using Japanese again - with flair. Just a few weeks in preschool here and she has gained a confidence and fluency both with the language and socially as well. Feeling more comfortable with the language and her new friends at the school, she is starting to shine.

Do I hope and pray that we won't have more earthquakes here right now? Of course. But I can't really imagine not being here either.

Sleeping? Eating? Does it Matter?

2011-03-09T14:20:00.004+09:00

I'm just saying...if you need a word - make it up!
Nurp

My children have both been nurpers. I've spent 3+ years using a lengthy paragraph to describe the process and trying to define whether or not the baby was sleeping and/or eating. Here's the perfect word to fit the bill.

Friends of Gold

2011-02-26T12:47:00.004+09:00

A very dear friend of mine was just here for a 10 day visit. I am incredibly lucky. I am fortunate to have a friend whom I have known since childhood (any by childhood I mean birth since our parents lived on the same block). 36 years is a long friendship - more than many people ever have the pleasure of experiencing.

Some things I discovered while she was here:

We truly do have the kind of friendship that allows us to pick up as though no time has passed despite the fact that in the past 18 years we have rarely spent more than 2 hours together at any one time and often we were only able to manage that every couple of years.
She and I have very similar values despite the fact that our lifestyles are vastly different.
I learned about how to make maple syrup. (She helps tap trees for the sap and has actually boiled it all down into the tasty syrup final product. How cool is that?)
Having a friend who isn't a mom is incredibly refreshing. I love having mom friends. I *need* to have mom friends with whom I can share a lot of the challenges and joys of parenting, but I also need someone outside of all that. I need someone else in my life who has the free time to pursue other interests. Someone who can tell me all about the intricacies of jump roping as a sport for example!
It was fascinating to do some reminiscing . It's pretty amazing how much of what I remember doesn't entirely correspond to what she remembers about our time in high school. It's also a little scary when I think of all the things that I've already forgotten. She remembers her project for our government class. I remember a few projects from that class but haven't the slightest idea what it is that I worked on; I have the sense that it was incredibly boring. How sad!
I loved reconnecting with her on a totally new level and in a different context too. We both love to read and while we have some different interests, we do have overlapping interests as well. But our reading tastes vary enough that we find we can recommend interesting and new books to one another. Awesome! Also, she spent some time in Central America a few years ago. She primarily lived in Costa Rica but she traveled quite a bit to neighboring countries while she was trying to learn Spanish. It was fascinating to finally have the time to talk to her about her experience there. Especially in light of my time living in Japan now. Of all my friends from high school, she is the one best able to understand what it's like for me to live overseas and in another culture.

I truly loved having her visit and was unbelievably sad when she left. She had made it very clear that she was here to reconnect with me and to spend time with my family, not because she had any particular desire to visit Japan. I'm very lucky that she went out of her way to visit me. And I'm trying to appreciate her visit for the uniqueness of having her here, but I can't separate the fact that I'm generally lonely too. Her stay here just reinforced for me how important it is that I find more ways to connect with other women here - whether they are yochien moms or expatriate friends of mine.

Oh Peko-chan!

2011-02-10T20:47:00.004+09:00

How happy you have made me little Peko-chan! I'd never had these tasty cakes before. I was reminded of Twinkies. The cake is soft like a twinkie, but the custard is way tastier in my opinion. Think vanilla cream or pudding. I was in heaven. *sigh*

I love to make discoveries that make me feel as though living in Japan isn't always about giving things up. Yes, there are trade-offs. I can't find a cupcake here to save my life. But now I know that there is Peko-chan! Maybe that's not such a bad trade.

Out of Sight...

2011-02-01T10:10:00.004+09:00

Lone-ly: unhappy as a result of being without the companionship of others.

I woke up two nights ago and had what I can only describe as a mild panic attack as I thought about all the preparations for Peanut's yochien (preschool). Her school has a uniform, multiple bags and sacks and packages for everything from crayons to tissues to notes from the teacher. I did my best to look through the guide from the school, but reading Japanese is still incredibly difficult for me and it could take me hours to translate the whole thing. As a result, I felt about 1/4 prepared for all the things we'd need to know and do. (Check for lice every morning and make a note for the teacher, fill up her water bottle, ensure that tissues are in the skirt pocket, etc.) The more I thought about all of this, the more overwhelmed I became.

Initially this preschool/yochien idea sounded ideal! She'd go off to school from 9:00 until 2:30 every day. Perfect! For a child who loves activities and needs a great deal of stimulation and interaction from other adults and kids, this seemed like a great solution. I didn't understand at the time we were first considering it, that this is more like a co-op preschool which relies heavily on the work and participation of the stay-at-home mothers who take their kids to this school (Japan is lagging behind in the women's liberation front and the glass ceiling sounds more like steel to me - the end result being a LOT of college educated women staying at home with the kids rather than working because there's nowhere for them TO work).

Anyway the more I lay there in the dark thinking about how much time and work would go into this effort the more frustrated I became. How would I ever get to see my friends in Japan? And if I don't get to see them more than once every couple of weeks, how will we build on our friendships. And this is important because once I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind.

It's pretty common for ex-patriates to experience this phenomenon I gather. Once you leave a place, the friends that you leave behind get on with their lives (and their other friendships) and don't remember to e-mail you or write you regularly. This leaves you out of the loop. For me, since I'm in Japan for part of the year, and the U.S. for part of the year, I'm always out of the loop somewhere. I think it's starting to get to me. I was suddenly not just overwhelmed by the thought of my child starting preschool, but with the thought that I don't have any friends to commiserate with and those that I do have seem to be out of touch. Most of my U.S. friends have been out of touch since we left over a month ago. True, I'll be back in just 4 1/2 more months, and maybe that's what they're waiting for - my return. But in the meantime, it can be incredibly lonely.

On Again, Off Again

2011-01-30T20:42:00.003+09:00

One of the challenges of living in two places and two cultures is that just when I think I've got a handle on things, I realize that I don't.

For Peanut's birthday this year, (her 3rd!) I was determined to bake a birthday cake. This is fairly uncommon in Japan from what I see, and I felt strongly that since this is the 3rd time we've celebrated her birthday here, she deserved better than a store or bakery cake. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with that, but she won't get a party with all her friends, birthday crowns, etc. like many of her American friends are used to getting. Birthdays here in Japan seem to be pretty low-key (at least in my husband's family) and that's not what I want for Peanut. When I was a child, my parents didn't do anything extravagant for my birthday, but I was the special one on my birthday. My mom baked me a cake, and I'd often get to choose what we ate for dinner. It was little things, but things that let me know I was super important that day.

Anyway, I set out to find all the right ingredients and baking supplies including cake pans, sprinkles for decorating and even a "3" candle. I was surprised to find everything I needed, thanks to a friend who pointed me in the driection of a fabulous baking supply store. I came home and started to bake the cake. Not only did it look weird and puffy while baking, but when I tasted a sample, it just tasted....off. Metallic or bitter might be the words to describe the aftertaste. I had carefully measured and calculated everything because I've made mistakes before when converting measurements from English to metric units.

And yet.

When I asked Gboy to taste the cake he said he could taste a hint of something but didn't know that he'd complain about it. Still. I was hesitant about whether or not to serve this to his family. We went to the kitchen and double checked thee ingredients. Yup. I had used baking soda instead of baking powder. After all this time, I still couldn't remember that "tansan" is baking soda - NOT powder.

I was incredibly disappointed. I wanted it to work out for a change. I wanted to be successful at this. In the end, the cake was frosted and sprinkled and Peanut licked the frosting and sprinkles off not giving one whit about the cake anyway. And we did buy a back-up cake just before others arrived. Everyone was happy!

And lest this be a total downer of a story, I should mention that the piñata we set out to make was a huge success with Peanut and her cousins and the adults got a real kick out of watching the kids try to smash it. All's well that end's well!

There's Bento in Our Future!

2011-01-17T13:34:00.004+09:00

One of the things that Peanut will need to take with her to yochien/preschool starting in March, is a lunch - specifically a bento. I know what bento is in theory. And I've even seen a lot of neat ideas for multicultural and fusion style bentos, but I'm certainly no expert on strictly Japanese bento making. But this seems to be pretty important to people (i.e. the school director, and our sister-in-law who sends her children to the school and in her opinion the other children at the school). Now I'm not sure how to address this.

I'm all for learning how to make Japanese style foods and making a bento for Peanut each day, particularly since I know that my husband, an excellent cook, will help me. But I'm concerned about how that will happen since my mother-in-law is in the kitchen all morning (most mornings) making a big farm-style Japanese breakfast with miso soup, broiled fish, assorted vegetables, tsukemono, and the like and if she's done with cooking breakfast she's often starting on lunch or dinner preparations. With only one modest kitchen, I don't foresee an easy way for me to get into the kitchen as I often have to dance around her just to make myself a cup of coffee in the morning. However, I don't want her to feel that she should (because she's most experienced) or must (because I'm unwilling) make Peanut's lunch every day. And yet, I suspect it may go that way if we don't figure something out in the next month or so.

At least I've got some lead time to start practicing making these fabulous and elaborate lunches! Honestly I'm sort of excited about the possibilities, especially if I get to mix it up and toss in some Western style (or at least non-Japanese) foods now and then. One of the things that I don't want to force on Peanut is a mostly Japanese diet. I know that's something that a lot of people around us feel comfortable with, but it's not something that I'm comfortable with doing. We don't expect her to eat a mostly American or Western diet when we're in the U.S. - she's used to eating foods from all over (Indian, Greek, Mexican, Italian, Thai, Japanese, and on and on). If I can sneak in the occasional samosa or couscous or macaroni and cheese I'll be happy!

Re-entry

2011-01-16T07:00:00.008+09:00

I had a near meltdown the other day. I thought I'd lost my wedding ring and then I couldn't find a gift for Peanut's birthday. Neither instance in and of itself would normally cause me to lose it so easily. But mash it together with re-entry culture shock? Yup.

Just that morning I'd gone to look for my ring and couldn't find it where I would "usually" keep it here in the bedroom we stay in at my in-law's place. But I couldn't find it. Which would not surprise you if you could have seen the stuff all over the place. Piles of my stuff -the girls' stuff - my MIL's stuff - my SIL's stuff. Because all of us have to use this space throughout the year and it collects everybody's stuff until there's no clear space for my stuff or the girls' and I just end up snagging a spot on a shelf if I can. Until 2 days ago, most of our stuff was all over the floor or on tabletops in the room where I could at least see it and knew where it was even if it wasn't what anyone would reasonably call "organized". (We have since then seriously reorganized and cleaned up and started to box up really old stuff from grandma and great-grandma to make some space.)

Anyway, on this day last week, we left for the store in search of a birthday present for Peanut and I was struggling to cope with the possibility that I'd lost the ring for good. We got to the store and headed for the toy department. And found nothing. Oh there were aisles and aisles of branded, flashy stuff for older kids especially. But I was hoping for something that didn't have Disney or Hello Kitty or other countless Japanese brands/characters all over it. I was hoping for something age appropriate for a 3 year old. There may have been a few items in the store that met this criteria, but as my Japanese is fairly limited (particularly when reading it) I was totally unsure. I became more and more discouraged about finding anything I wanted and finally gave up.

At this point, the re-entry crash and burn occurred. I'd reached that seemingly inevitable moment when my frustration with my own limited language abilities collided with the limitations of the living situation in which we reside etc. and suddenly I was nearly weeping in the middle of a large train station as the culture shock rocked me. I always know it's coming at some point, but never know exactly when or how it will manifest.

Ugh. In the end I came home and dug around under piles of stuff and finally found the ring. What a relief. And the gift itself isn't that important. Peanut will survive without. It's the process and the accompanying frustration ("Why can't they just describe everything in English?! Ohhhhhh. Because we're in Japan. Duh.") that really messes with my head.

BlogHer 2011?

2011-01-12T20:11:00.002+09:00

Wow would I like to go. So many fascinating people to meet. A chance to have a mini-getaway which I haven't had since the girls were born. And the location is on the West Coast meaning it wouldn't even be that far for me to travel. And Sweet Pea will be over a year old by that time. What to do? Certainly the cost is something that we could just barely manage making it a definite luxury. And it's not as though I'm the most prolific blogger these days. But maybe that's why I need to go? Am I rationalizing? I think I could actually benefit from the inspiration of others attending.

What to do oh wise internets??

Urban vs. Rural Living

2011-01-08T13:24:00.003+09:00

Watching Peanut play in the dirt at the farm today, I was reminded of how much she enjoys playing in sandboxes, dirt piles and the like. The main difference is that here on the farm, she's able to use real potatoes when she plays at gardening. We don't really have a lot of space, or the time frankly, to garden at our home in Seattle. This makes being here in Osaka and extra special treat. The girls get exposed to an entirely different way of life.

I confess, when I'm here, I miss the easy access to coffee shops and parks and playgroups that we enjoy at our home in Seattle. But we absolutely have the advantage of being closer to some aspects of "nature". The ironic part is that where we're located here in Osaka used to be truly rural, but at this time, development continues to encroach more and more as industrial businesses move into the neighborhood without, as far as I can tell, any real "urban planning" or design. As a result, the kids in the neighborhood now play in empty parking lots where fields used to be. I think it's a sad thing.

When we were here last spring, some of Gboy's friends' kids came over one afternoon to pick some carrots and daikon. They were incredibly excited to see where the vegetables came from and to actively participate in gathering their own food for dinner. This is just one more reason why I hate to say, "Let's just sell off the land and the farm and live in the U.S. 100% if the time as we had planned once upon a time." It seems more and more vital to keep this slice of life intact, not just for our family, but for the community at large. I'm not sure what the future will bring or if I'll ever really be able to adapt to living this more rural lifestyle even part-time, but for now I keep wishing that we'll be able to find a way to make it work.

They Paved The Cherry Blossoms

2011-01-07T20:51:00.006+09:00

While you can't really see it in this photo, after you cross the street at the end of this path, there used to be a section of the road straight ahead lined with cherry blossoms on either side. They're in full bloom in this photo and mostly a blur of pink in the distance. I walked home this way today and was amazed yet again at how barren the area looks now that all those trees have been removed to make way for some sidewalks. Because I'm a pedestrian and public transportation rider, this works in my favor. But the cherry blossoms sure were prettier.

Even worse, the field that used to take up half the block on one side has now been turned into an industrial building (very common in this neighborhood) and a big parking lot adjoining the building. I'm not even sure what or who the parking lot is intended for since it was empty today - the first time I've seen it.

*sigh* Change can be hard to witness.

Language in a Transition

2011-01-06T13:29:00.000+09:00

The transition from living in the U.S. to living in Japan (and vice versa) never ceases to amaze me. Once again we're back in Japan and things are different once again. I think living with a toddler (okay Peanut is really a preschooler now!) only highlights differences that I wouldn't otherwise see. Because she is constantly evolving and growing as a person, each transition thus far has been a unique one. Upon arriving here in Japan just last week, we once again reminded my in-laws that they could speak Japanese and Peanut would have no trouble understanding them. It may take a little while for her to feel comfortable enough to reply to them in Japanese as English is currently her dominant language (no surprise since we've spent the last 9 months living in the U.S.). But Gboy has continued to speak to her in Japanese and comprehension isn't an issue for her. Still, my MIL and FIL attempt to address her in English (neither of them is particularly comfortable with English) and to admonish her to speak in Japanese. Luckily this isn't an issue with either of my sisters-in-law or brothers-in-law; they simply address her in Japanese.

One of the frustrations I have is that my FIL in particular can't seem to understand that Peanut understands Japanese. He had friends over yesterday and when they asked if Peanut understands Japanese he said, "a little". "No. Not just a little," I wanted to say. She understands as much Japanese as she understands English. But he seems to think that since she speaks mostly English that's all she can understand. I sort of see why he would think this, but we do live with her every day and have a pretty good sense of her abilities. If we say she understands Japanese, then she does!!

But ultimately what this post is about is how difficult it is to be a parent and to stand by and watch your child struggle to master something. Peanut is learning to master two languages and in a sense, two cultures. Each community and culture has a set of social protocols that she has to adapt to in addition to becoming proficient in each language. On the first day we were back, a friend of Gboy's came over to the house with his daughter who is just a year or two older than Peanut. They've played together in the past, and Gboy seemed to think they'd fall immediately back into a rhythm. But the older girl now has a 1 year old sister to tote around and play with and the language barrier was clearly an issue. Peanut stood to one side and looked on with some trepidation and I could tell that she was frustrated because the girls couldn't understand her non-stop English dialogue. Also, while playing with her cousins, she gets frustrated when she asks them to share with her or explains to them that she'd like for them to wait for their turn rather than take her toys from her, but since she's speaking in English they don't understand. And I know that allowing Peanut to be frustrated, to a point, can be a good learning opportunity particularly when we explained the situation to her (i.e. "your friends don't understand English"). In time, it will come. Peanut will figure out how to use her Japanese with more folks here. In fact, just a few days after this incident she was playing with a group of girls of a similar age and language didn't really seem to be an issue at all.

However, in the meantime, watching Peanut struggle to communicate with my MIL and FIL and to communicate with her friends is a new parental milestone for me. I didn't grow up as a multilingual speaker and don't really have first-hand experience with what this all feels like from a child's perspective. I just have to trust that it all makes sense to her (or will in time) and that the benefits far outweigh the costs.

Wrapping Up 2010

2010-12-31T14:32:00.000+09:00

I continue to flail about in this space. Hoping to balance my life in two cultures, this space often gets neglected as I bounce from the U.S. to Japan and back again. Wanting to keep a record of my life with now two girls, I find myself mentally composing posts that never see the light of day.

Still, it's almost the start of 2011 and that means the dawn of a new day and new year. I don't resolve to blog more. Not exactly. But I do hope that as things change day by day, I'll find a groove and the desire to capture my thoughts on "paper" so to speak.

For the record, we're back in Japan for the next 5+ months. I'm looking forward to all kinds of new experiences as the littlest girl in our family discovers Japan and all it has to offer.

Highlights so far:

Sweet pea loves satsuma imo! (Japanese sweet potatoes)
Peanut was overjoyed to see her favorite relatives and to get reacquainted with her toys here in Japan.
Fresh mochi!
My in-laws got new windows and it seems to have made a little difference in the indoor temperature (it's not frigid in here!)
Our trip back to Japan was heavenly. Well, it was as great as could be when you consider we were traveling with a 6 month old and a 3 year old. And it lost some of its luster in the last few moments when Peanut tossed her proverbial cookies all over herself and me, but I was grateful that she waited until the very end of our 11+ hour journey!
We head off to an onsen tomorrow for a few days of celebrating with the entire extended family. I'm looking forward to leaving the babes with some other adults and sneaking off for a good long soak on several occasions!

Friday Night Leftovers

2010-11-20T06:37:00.000+09:00

We've got a "failed" skylight that needs to be repaired. I'm glad we found this leak now. We're expecting a pretty wet, snowy and generally nasty winter here in the Pacific NW.
It's Mom's Night Out tonight. I'm heading out with some neighborhood moms for drinks and dessert this evening. It's my one night out/month since the baby was born in June. I love it. I'm happy to have found a group of women, all very different, but all fun and interesting to spend some time with.
I can't believe Thanksgiving is in less than one week!
I'm trying to find a pair of slippers to buy. I need some support for my feet. I wear supports in my sneakers for pronation. I'm thinking that all the walking around (on hardwood floors, in bare feet) while trying to get the baby to sleep is causing the discomfort. Hopefully some slippers with arch support will help.
I cooked up a pie pumpkin this morning. I'm going to puree the pumpkin and hopefully turn it into some pumpkin goodies. This was my first ever pumpkin from scratch attempt. It was surprisingly easy and smelled good while roasting in the oven!

Do You Hear That?

2010-11-19T06:41:00.000+09:00

It's the sound of peace and quiet in my home. Peanut is napping (Gboy fell asleep with her while trying to get her to stay in once place long enough to nap - a rarity these days). Sweet Pea is snoozing. I'm alone. For at least a few moments.

I find there are precious few moments to myself these days. Sleep is an ongoing battle (more with Peanut than Sweet Pea, but between the two of them, I'm lucky to get 2 hours of sleep in a row for the last 3+ weeks).

Needless to say, this may be why I find myself incredibly short-tempered lately. Still, we do have good times and laughs. The other day, we went to the store and when I put Peanut in the grocery cart and started pushing it across the pavement in the parking lot, she giggled and said, "That tickles my bum!" Or there was the other night when she started telling jokes and cracked herself up until she couldn't speak because she was laughing so hard - at her own jokes! Sweet Pea laughs at everything, but especially her old sister, which means that the more one laughs, the more the other laughs. They're a comedy team already.

Gboy and I may lose our minds in the next year. We've started thinking about the possibility of buying a new home. We'd like to exchange our current configuration for one more suited to our family's needs. But that's not proving to be easy as we're looking for something fairly specific and of course, it doesn't appear to exist as is. The possibility of a renovation is in our future and while exciting, we need to find the right fixer-upper to start. Yay! And urgh.

And Now for the "Leftovers"....

2010-09-18T06:15:00.000+09:00

And all I've got right now is a series of random thoughts, and it's Friday and suddenly the idea of the Friday Night Leftovers popped into my head. I've seen them before and never participated but today feels like a perfect fit. For more Friday Night Leftovers stop by Sippy Cups Are Not for Starbucks.

Without further ado:

Fall is here and I'm excited for all the back to school type fun which doesn't even really affect me since neither of the girls is school-aged and I'm not a teacher. Whatever. I love back to school supplies and the changing colors of the leaves. Can you blame me?
Between the two girls I'm getting only a couple of hours of sleep at a time. Peanut is going through....I don't know what for the last few days and is awake at least once a night, usually twice and then is often awake at 5am for good. We're working on trying to convince her that playing in her room quietly until 6am is the best and safest option for everyone. Sweet Pea is still a champ at night sleeping for 5-6 hours in the first part of the night and then waking 3-4 hours later. But between the two of them, it's every couple of hours. Oh boy. I'm starting to feel really fuzzy around the edges and I'm just incredibly grateful that we've gone as long as we have (Sweet Pea just turned 3 months old!) before I started to fray at the edges! And I'm increasingly grateful for daycare 2 days a week. Every little bit of assistance helps right now.
I've started watching "Lost". I may be the last person on the planet to see it. I'm still at episode 7 of season 1 but quite enjoying it thus far.
I've also been reading a fair amount lately. (At least the girls both nap!) I'm proud of me for finding some "me" time and activity. This means, however, that the house pretty much looks like a disaster most of the time. You can't win 'em all.
Today is my 5th wedding anniversary. And that means that Gboy and I have been together for over 10 years now. That feels momentous!

Enter the Daycare

2010-08-24T04:39:00.000+09:00

I've never even seen Enter the Dragon, but felt that a martial arts reference was somehow appropriate here.

Yes, Peanut is in daycare now. We started her last week. The plan is to have her in daycare 2 days a week in order for Gboy and I to attend to some work-related issues (his home business needs some help and at the moment the help is me). Also, I'm hoping to get some quality time with Sweet Pea (and I sincerely hope that we get to do some cat napping together on occasion). Furthermore, I think Peanut could really use the outlet. The daycare we've selected is attended by two of her toddler friends (comforting) and several other new playmates (exciting). They've also got tricycles (!) and dollhouses (!) and a chinchilla (!) and a kitten (!). They go on little excursions to the library and local playgrounds. And starting in one more week, she'll be having preschool in the mornings for a few hours. The preschool teacher is a certified 1st grade teacher with two kiddos of her own, both under the age of 5. It's a wonderful play-based environment that I think suits Peanut's personality beautifully.

Having said all of this, the first day went perfectly. By the second there were signs of some separation anxiety. It's increased little by little each day (we're at day 3 today) and although she loves the idea of playing at the daycare, she doesn't want to nap there. She hasn't outright refused to go yet, and willingly got dressed and walked over with me this morning. And all was going along really well until just before I walked out the door. That's when she lost it and the waterworks started. There was crying, howling, and climbing all over me (and little Sweet Pea who was strapped to me in the Bjorn). I know that kids do this. I know that separating takes time. And I also know that she's a pretty independent kid already (we did a play date test run that went without a hitch - she didn't seem to care if I was around at all that day). I suspect this is just something that we have to muddle through as many parents have done before me, but it feels hard. Really hard.

A part of me feels like I should be able to manage both kids and a home business all at the same time without needing outside help. But Peanut isn't that kind of kid. She's a high-energy kid who likes a *lot* of social interaction. I can only read so many books to her, or play ice cream shop with her for so many hours in the day before Sweet Pea just *has* to have her needs met and the business needs my attention. Eventually, my best efforts to multi-task ("Let's read a book while Mama feeds Sweet Pea") cease to be entertaining enough for Peanut - my little dynamo.

For now, we're riding it out to see where this takes us.

Identity and Change

2010-08-21T21:18:00.000+09:00

Yesterday Gboy and I had yet another conversation about where and how to live in order to support the girls with becoming bilingual and bicultural. It seems we've discussed this over and over and over again. The sticking points include:

1) How to find a way to make a real home of OUR own while we live in Japan. Staying with my mother-in-law and father-in-law isn't all that bad. The cost of living is much more affordable that way and the girls benefit from having extended family members around (lots of them live very close by). And I'm fortunate to get along pretty well with my MIL and FIL. As much as Gboy and I have worked to carve out some space of our own in the large house, there's still work that needs to be done if I'm ever going to feel like I can call it my own.

2) How do I find a way to pursue a career path or even do some volunteer work that is fulfilling? Two and a half years ago when we found out that I was pregnant with our first child, I was just finishing my degree in library and information science. I was thrilled to have found a career that I expected to enjoy and had made a career change - quitting my job, and going back to school for another advanced degree - in order to do it. I love my children, but I also know that parenting alone isn't enough to fill me up. I may be able to say good-bye to my career as a young adult librarian. I mean, how can one work in a library for 6 months out of the year? How could I work in young adult services in Japan when I don't speak the language that well and I'm not sure the concept of YA librarian even exists in Japan. I'd be sad to give it up before I even got a chance to really be employed as a YA librarian, but if that goes, I really feel as though I'd need something else to take its place. I don't have that much time right now and I don't expect to or necessarily need to be working at the moment. But I'm looking at options for what to do in a couple of years when Peanut is ready for kindergarten and Sweet Pea is ready for preschool.

3) How do we manage to keep our home in the U.S. so that we have a place to return to? The idea of renting it out for 6 months at a time every year, to new renters, starts to feel like a logistical nightmare. Did I mention that the hardwood floors were damaged by our last renters? Their dog who according to them, never does this, urinated on the carpet. The didn't see it until it had soaked into the carpet and damaged both the carpet and floors. The dog also chewed up and destroyed a remote control. In the future, no pets! We'll learn these lessons the hard way I'm sure, but I'm not sure I really want to.

4) How do we educate the girls? Everyone asks us this question. If we're existing in two places (for now let's say 6 months in each location), how can the girls go to school? Do we pull them out of school mid-year? The fact that the school year calendars are different doesn't seem to help. In Japan the school year starts in April and there's no extended summer vacation like we're used to here in the U.S. This makes things tricky.

In the end, we've decide we're going to keep on trying to make our own path and carve out a lifestyle that works for all four of us and for now that means going back and forth between Japan and the U.S. After our long conversation yesterday, I visited a favorite website of mine, Multilingual Living and read this article on Identity and Change, which is really about how multicultural families can work together to make these huge and potentially life altering changes.

For me, it's obvious that there are significant changes to my identity if we continue to pursue this particular bicultural lifestyle. Item numbers one and two on this list deal directly with creating my own, comfortable personal space and my own personal identity with relation to work or other activities that I find fulfilling outside of my identity as a mother. While Gboy and I had some very productive conversation on our own yesterday and came to a conclusion that I think we're both happy with, I'm hoping that this article will give us some guidelines for decision-making that may help us in the future.

Cuteness Keeps Us Going

2010-07-23T01:47:00.000+09:00

Here I am in the post-baby bliss phase. Sweet pea continues to sleep for monstrous chunks of time. As much as I adore holding her, she accommodates me by frequently offering to sleep peacefully on her own in a bouncy chair or her co-sleeper. She amazes me. Peanut could rarely be persuaded to be out of arms for more than a few moments. Additionally, Sweet Pea quiets the moment someone picks her up so there is rarely any fussing or crying for very long. It's a wonderful time around here which is good for adjusting to life with a newborn and toddler because the toddler still demands a great deal of time and attention any way you cut it.

In fact we had a day last week that was so rough I nearly ran screaming from the house. I just couldn't seem to communicate with Peanut (she's about to turn 2 1/2) who was fitful about everything. She was throwing things, kicking and hitting me - all very out of character for her - for no reason that I could see. By lunchtime I was exhausted and then she didn't take a very long nap which meant that I didn't get a whole lot of downtime. That night I had plans with some friends to go out and I was immensely grateful that the plans were in motion and Gboy planned to stay at home and put the girls to bed without me. I needed that night out (my first since Sweet Pea was born 5 weeks ago) in a way that was visceral.

Parenting a toddler continues to be a challenge each and every day, particularly as I now try to do it with one hand tied behind my back (so to speak). Having to stop whatever I'm doing with Peanut to nurse Sweet Pea has disrupted the rhythm of things. I'm hopeful that ultimately what will come out of this is more independence for Peanut. She's incredibly verbal and extremely conversational and very much into pretend play right now. As a result, she wants me to constantly be her playmate; I provide the voices for her dolls and stuffed animals and I'm the customer for her store, patient to her as doctor, etc. On top of all this, we're solidifying the potty training and we've moved her to a big girl bed after she figured out how to climb out of her crib just weeks after Sweet Pea's birth. BIG changes all around.

It Was a Good Underwear Day

2010-07-11T13:32:00.000+09:00

Once upon a time, before Gboy and I started thinking seriously about starting a family, our post-dinner conversations went something like this:

"Work was interesting today...."
"That was a really nice bottle of Merlot we had with dinner. I'd drink it again."
"What do you think we should do about the dead grass on our microscopic 'front lawn'? Should we think about landscaping it ourselves? " (Insert laughter here!)

Today, our post-dinner conversation actually began with Gboy saying, "It was a good underwear day." He was referring to the fact that Peanut wore her first pair of Big Sister underpants and kept them dry for the better part of the day (minus the 3 hours that we went out for an excursion and decided that with limited access to toilets a diaper was warranted instead). Life feels different when this is how daily conversation goes. Not bad, and not necessarily "good" (discussing the toilet habits of other people, even my own children, isn't high on my list of exciting things to do) but it feels very real and often very rewarding.

But if, 5 years ago, you'd asked me how to interpret that sentence, I wouldn't have had a clue about the context in which I might use it!!

I Miss My Mommy....

2010-07-08T05:14:00.000+09:00

I dropped my mom and dad off at the airport just an hour ago and I miss them already. I'm wishing for my mom's help already. Gboy and I decided that despite my mom's earlier offer to stay longer if we needed her help, that we wouldn't make a request for her to extend her stay right now. She's been with us for approximately a month and has been helpful in countless ways. She stayed with Peanut while we were in the hospital overnight before we could come home with Sweet Pea. Mom took Peanut to the park and entertained her and baked cupcakes with her and basically ensured that she was having such a good time that she barely noticed Mama and Papa were gone. In fact, when Mom brought Peanut to the hospital to meet the new baby, I was afraid that Peanut would wail and refuse to leave without Mama; but I was wrong. Peanut and her Nana had a great time together.

My dad arrived a few days after the baby was born. His ruptured ear drum prevented him from arriving with my mom the prior week. He and my mom took Peanut to the Pike Place Market - a favorite tourist destination of theirs. She ate cookies! She saw the pig! She rode the bus! And apparently sang a song of her own creation entitled "Eeney Meeney Miney Moe" the entire way home. Mom and Dad played Play-Doh with her, read her books, fed her fruit, took her to the grocery store, and helped with the potty training (she's about 95% dry during the daytime hours these days). These are the things for which I am grateful and reasons why I will miss them.

Still, it feels almost too easy right now to have extra help. Well, the infant is easy. And I do mean super easy. When my mom stayed with us for the 4 weeks after Peanut was born, I distinctly remember one of us adults (Gboy, me or my mom) having to rock her through the dinner hours. She wasn't a colicky baby but she'd fuss for sure *every* night at dinner meaning two of us would eat and one would rock Peanut and then we'd switch. But Sweet Pea is a great sleeper and happy baby. She rarely fusses with the exception of an hour or two in the evening (usually for some stretch between 9 pm and 11pm). And once she's asleep she's asleep. Getting her back to sleep after she's nursed in the middle of the night is easy. Because Sweet Pea is a fast and efficient eater I get lots of nighttime sleep.

I expect everything to change at some point. It always does. But for now, we think we might be able to make it work. Having a husband who works from home also gives me lots of flexibility and support if I need it in a pinch. Needless to say, we're hoping for the best right now. Gambling on the fact that I've assessed the situation accurately and that I truly can spend most of my time entertaining Peanut. She loves, I'd even say needs, to have playmates; for now, I'm it! If things don't work out and we need more help, we'll have to consider preschool options or daycare. But we could also call Nana and have her come back out to lend a hand. I don't think she'd mind!

Just an FYI

2010-06-30T04:39:00.000+09:00

My friend Sunny is having a giveaway of some books that are about infertility. If you're interested or know anyone who might be, be sure to check out her blog in the next few days (final drawing is July 6th)!!

Second Time Around

2010-06-26T12:45:00.000+09:00

I can't believe how much has changed and how much has *not* changed with a new baby in the house.

Some things are easier the second time around:

I don't worry every five minutes about whether or not the baby (i.e. Sweet Pea) is breathing. I just trust that she is!
Nursing is easier. Maybe it's due in part to the fact that Sweet Pea is a natural, but maybe it's because after a rough start with Peanut (it took us 5 weeks or so to really get it right without nipple shields or pain medications for the sore nipples etc.) I have a much better idea of what to do.
I've already adapted to being a mom. I already know that I may not be able to check my e-mail every day and that finding "free time" of my own isn't always easy. Having made this adjustment to my expectations with Peanut, I don't have to start from square one and the transition to adding a second baby to the family becomes easier in this regard.
Sleep deprivation, or at least interrupted sleep is nothing new.

Some things are harder/different the second time around:

Should I be holding her more rather than letting her sleep happily in her co-sleeper or bouncy chair? I hold her a lot; we all do. But sometimes it's a necessary evil when her older sister needs me, and Sweet Pea has been such a good and peaceful sleeper!
I do have to juggle a toddler with a newborn.
People assume we know what we're doing and the level of support is different. On a related note, many of our friends with kids of their own find that their toddlers become jealous if they hold our baby. Needless to say, it seems like fewer adults are making a grab for the baby. This feels different from the first time around.
My expectations and memories of the older child child color things with the younger. I find myself wondering, "Why is she sleeping so much? I don't remember Peanut sleeping this much even when she was a newborn! Should Sweet Pea be eating more? Peanut never ate this fast or efficiently!" (Our doctor confirms that Sweet Pea is growing very well and appears to be a very efficient little eater. I probably spend no more than 2-3 hours a day feeding her whereas Peanut was such a leisurely/inefficient eater that I often found myself spending 12 hours a day feeding her when she was little.)

All in all, Peanut has adapted really well to having Sweet Pea in the house. In the first week or so, she had an edge that showed up occasionally. It was the same sort of "edge" that she gets when she hasn't had enough sleep. She'd be more prone to emotional upset over little things, but luckily she's very easy to redirect and none of her tantrums or meltdowns lasted more than a few minutes. I credit my parents with helping out and giving Peanut lots of one-on-one Big Sister time!

Peanut adores her little sister. She rarely calls the baby by her name; mostly she calls Sweet Pea "my baby". I think she's convinced that the new baby is simply one more addition to her menagerie of stuffed animals and dolls!

Basically, things are going well and we're all settling in to our new life!

It's a Girl!

2010-06-17T07:51:00.000+09:00

That's right. SHE arrived 3 days early, much to my surprise. True, I'd had 2 nights of cramping (the menstrual type that doesn't really correspond to contractions). And since the cramping would last all night long, I figured maybe the lead-up to labor had begun. But when I really started having contractions at 10pm on Saturday night, I still couldn't quite believe that this was the main event. Peanut was born 8 days late, so I was certain I'd not see baby #2 until at least our due date (6/16). Boy were we wrong!

After laying in bed for about an hour of infrequent contractions, at 11pm, I gave up on the idea of sleep and Gboy and I headed upstairs to our living room to watch a movie. During the course of the nearly 2 hour film, my contractions got as close together as 6 minutes apart before spreading out again to 10 minutes apart (although more intense). At around 1 am we headed downstairs and I thought I'd go back to bed, but after another 30 minutes or so, with quite intense contractions that were suddenly 5 min. apart, (perhaps as a result of walking down the stairs?) we called the birth center and explained our situation. Our doctor had advised us that since the baby was positioned incredibly low, we shouldn't waste any time once the contractions were about 5 min. apart. The birth center staff told us that we could come in for evaluation.

In triage they hooked me up to some monitors and sure enough we could see my contractions while varying in intensity were about 5 minutes apart, baby's heart rate looked great, and when the nurse checked me, she said I was dilated to 5 cm. already and not going anywhere! I said, "Amen" as the last time I was admitted to the hospital, to have Peanut, the resident assessed me at 8 cm and we were told later that I was probably only 2 cm. dilated and she hadn't measured me correctly. What a blow. This time around, we were right on track at 5 cm. dilated after only about 5 hours of laboring.

I was tired and wanted to sleep (by now it was 3am), but I labored for another couple of hours in our room. At 5am I was seriously considering that epidural which had allowed me to sleep during my first labor. But the staff respected our birth plan and our wishes to try the minimal interventions as we progressed and they advised us that I could try the bath, and IV pain medications all before going to the epidural and that there was still plenty of time to move through those options. I got in the tub and immediately felt better. After about 45 minutes in the tub I opted for some further pain relief. They checked me again and assessed me at 7 cm. dilated assuring me that the likelihood of contractions intensifying wasn't great. I opted for the IV pain medication which enabled me to relax (it really felt like a good buzz - one that I don't remember from Peanut's birth even though I had IV pain medications with her too). After about an hour I suddenly grabbed for the call button and told the nurses I *really* felt like I had to push. My husband woke from his nap, surprised to hear this already. :)

I started to feel that urge to push and after three good pushes, my doctor told me the next push would give me a baby. I almost couldn't believe it, but I trusted her and after two more pushes, (a grand total of 5!) our little girl made her way into the world and my arms. What a different experience from the 3 hours of pushing with my first daughter!

I'm totally in love with little Sweet Pea. A pair of girls. I cannot tell you how happy I am. I am torn between both my girls - in the best possible way. I adore them each for different reasons and I love having them both near me. It's not easy by any stretch of the imagination. But it is absolutely perfect.

What's on YOUR Mind at 2 a.m.?

2010-06-07T17:42:00.000+09:00

It's 2 a.m. and I'm officially awake. I've got a stack of books, primarily mysteries, that I'm working my way through in the wee hours when I can't seem to get back to sleep. But I've also been pondering the life altering decision of which actress should get the privilege of portraying me in the sure-to-be-gripping movie about my life one day. This is seriously what my brain is stuck on at 2 a.m. when I could be sleeping (or reading for that matter).

I'm really trying to race through these while I've only got a toddler in the house - one who is sleeping through the nights peacefully. In just another couple of weeks I suspect I won't have the time or energy to do any serious reading for another good long stretch. And yet here I sit, pondering the most ridiculous things and completely unable to settle into a book tonight.

Books currently on my bedside table:
Finger Lickin' Fifteen
The Good Thief's Guide to Paris
The Tourist
The Spellmans Strike Again
Shoot to Thrill

(Not) Loving Your Child

2010-06-04T04:34:00.000+09:00

Wow. In light of yesterday's post it was weird to see this blog post on Motherlode. Reading it really choked me up. Have I mentioned that the pregnancy hormones are really, really raging these days? (I can't watch an episode of Glee without keeping the tissues handy.) The post deals with all of the ambivalence that I'd been feeling for the last 9 months or so but couldn't really articulate. "What if I don't love the 2nd baby as much?" "What if I love the 2nd baby too much and exclude or isolate my oldest child in some way?" "How will I juggle two kids in caring for them, nevermind how to dole out the love in the household?"

What I loved about the post is that many of the comments indicated that people have been feeling this in one way or another for years, with multiple kids, and that most of them seem to have found a way to make it all work. It's not always easy, but relationships with our kids can be much like a relationship with a partner/spouse; sometimes it takes work and effort.

Finally - Making Peace with the Change

2010-06-01T08:26:00.000+09:00

I can't really say where I've been or what I've been doing, mostly because I don't know. I think I'm just trying to mentally prepare for a major transition in my life. Mel pointed out that perhaps that's part of the source of my frustration/funk and why I feel so out of sorts lately. Our family will be growing and changing in a few short weeks and I feel more unprepared now than I did before Peanut's arrival. I suppose it's partly because I want to protect her from any upset or upheaval that the new baby will bring to our lives and household. I didn't have that kind of motivation before she arrived; Gboy and I were looking forward to upheaval and to the potential chaos that a baby would bring to our family. We had longed for it for close to two years before she arrived. This time around things are different.

I think it's just in the past two weeks that I've given myself permission to be okay with the fact that there may be turmoil and not everything will go smoothly and I don't have to love that fact. Change is hard. But I think that acknowledging those feelings and some of the...I don't know what to call it exactly but it's almost like it was resentment...toward the wee one in the womb actually made it easier for me to look forward to the littlest one's arrival. Finally. I've spent months feeling guilty that I wasn't over the moon ecstatic about the changes we're looking at in our family instead of just admitting that I've been scared and at times overwhelmed. Thinking about how to manage two small children has left me feeling nearly paralyzed with fear at times. Of course this is exactly what I wanted. But I kept hearing that old adage in my mind "be careful what you wish for".

Finally though, I'm starting to have the excitement and anticipation that I've been waiting almost 9 months to experience. I'm starting to really look forward to seeing this baby in the outside world. I'm looking forward to holding a tiny bundle in my arms again. I'm excited about introducing the baby to Peanut who is *so* ready to be a Big Sister. We've been reading all kinds of books about siblings and now as far as she's concerned, every family picture we draw and every family of animals or people that we see must contain a big sister. Good things are coming.

Finally.

I Surrender

2010-05-15T04:36:00.000+09:00

I've given up on trying to install the child-proof latches on our cupboards here in the house. Since we've moved back in to our house (after being away for nearly 5 months) we've discovered a whole new need to child-proof things now that Peanut can open doors and climb up drawer handles and really nothing seems to be out of reach anymore. I've been relying rubber bands and heavy hand-weights strategically placed in front of cupboard doors, along with the heavy utilization of the one or two really high and out of reach places that we still have in order to keep her from poisoning herself or setting herself on fire. You know. Things like that. Today I was going to tackle a few of the cupboards while she was out of the house with her father. And then after wrestling with the tools needed to do the installation, and trying to work around a very pregnant belly, I finally gave up in a fit of tears. Yes I'm at that point in the pregnancy where I'm very hormonal and the sheer fact I couldn't install a child-proof lock brought me to tears.

One of the reasons that it's so frustrating is that I've always prided myself on being handy enough to manage some basic fixes around the house. I can't fix a leaky toilet, for instance, but I can do some minor repairs and installation of small products that come with instructions and require only the use of a hammer and/or a screwdriver. I'm just that independent! But pregnancy changes things. And one of the things that I'm lamenting is the fact that during my first pregnancy, everyone was all, "Don't climb up on the chair! Don't lift that! Let me help!" And this time around it feels like the Mom-syndrome has set in. "You're a super-mom now, it's your job to do all of these things simultaneously and without any assistance." Ultimately it makes me think that this is really and truly my last pregnancy. Gboy and I may decide at some point that we'd like to add another child to our family, but I don't feel like another pregnancy is the route we'll be taking. I'm done with the nausea, the exhaustion, the hormones, the limitations on my own body. It's a miracle of life and all that, and I'm grateful that we got pregnant not once but twice, and some part of me appreciates the beauty of it all, but pregnancy is not fun or easy as far as I'm concerned.

Anyway, instead of dealing with childproofing, I decided to clean the windows. It's spring cleaning time and I think the urge to get things done before the baby arrives has really motivated me. Enough that I fought off the desire to nap or otherwise rest despite the fact that some R&R sounds really good right about now. But I just don't feel like I have the luxury of sitting around and resting. Too much needs to get done. And Gboy is working his butt off to get a project completed before the new baby arrives; this is the downside of self-employment. He's here but he's not *here* - not available much of the time because he's, you know, trying to make a living.

I'm thinking that as long as I continue to be vigilant, we'll be okay without store-purchased child protection locks. I have learned to be creative with my home grown child proofing solutions! And in just a little more than 3 weeks my parents will be arriving to help out with Peanut before the new baby is due to arrive. I figure my Dad, Mr. Handyman, might actually like a project to work on here around the house. Nothing too onerous. Just a little child-proofing!

Birthing Around the World

2010-05-08T07:17:00.000+09:00

Last night I watched "The Business of Being Born" and found it fascinating. Living in Seattle, we have a lot of options for natural childbirth and medication-free, low intervention births. Doulas and midwives seem to be plentiful and home births aren't unheard of here either. Needless to say, much of the information in the movie was familiar to me.

Having said that, it was still an incredibly inspirational movie about the power of women to give birth on their own terms without medical interventions and without the need of specialists or doctors or hospitals. What I find myself pondering is the cultural implications raised in the movie. For example, the movie suggests that something like 80% of all births in Japan have a midwife in attendance. While I think that's admirable (keeping the tradition of midwifery alive and relevant even in hospital or clinic settings as opposed to what we have in the U.S. where midwives are often unwelcome in hospitals) I wonder how accurate or meaningful this fact really is.

I had the sense from a number of women (both Japanese and non-Japanese) that I've heard from who delivered babies in Japan, that labor and delivery generally involves the pregnant mother lying on a bed while a doctor runs the show. Sure a midwife may be in the room, but I've never gotten the sense that comfort measures or encouraging a less "medical" or standard hospital delivery was part of their job responsibilities. If this is the case, and the hospital stay accompanied by doctor delivery of the baby is truly standard in Japan, then I'd argue that the mere presence of a midwife isn't sufficient to make things different in a meaningful way. It may be true that maternal mortality and infant mortality rates in the U.S. are both worse than the rates in Japan, but isn't it possible that this is because epidurals aren't widely available? (And if epidurals aren't used then the labor is less complicated and "risky" for a variety of reasons.)

All of this just makes me wonder about cultural similarities and differences. Does the fact that doctors and hospitals are seen as "the" place to give birth transcend Japanese and American cultures? Are midwives in Japan truly more influential in Japan than they are in the U.S., or are they simply more visible without any real influence on birth outcomes?

Communing with My Community

2010-04-29T22:52:00.000+09:00

I'm excited to report that my neighborhood (and several other adjacent neighborhoods) has formed a new volunteer-run parent resource group. The focus is on both providing community for and with one another so that we know our neighbors and recognize the kids on the playground, and also on supporting parents of families with kids aged 0-5 (although it's not exclusive to those parents). The idea is that by providing a centralized website and resource with information about daycare, preschool, and babysitters parents will be better able to care for themselves and their children. Likewise, the group has organized some Moms' Nights out and Dads' Nights out too, as well as several playgroup opportunities for kids. I'm stoked!

One of the things that I have found the hardest about being a stay-at-home mom for the last 2 years, is that slowly many of my peers who had kids of the same age as my daughter, began to go back to work leaving me literally at home alone with Peanut. When I was growing up, my mom lived right next door to two families with other stay-at-home moms. This meant that there was a constant flock of children around our house and the moms seemed to have "coffee dates" just about all the time (although I suspect the actual *sitting down* with a cup of joe and a coffee cake happened at best once a week!). I suppose a part of me envisioned that this is how my life as a SAHM would be. The best of both worlds - time with my daughter and female companionship. Not as easy as I thought.

I'm not sure that this particular group will hold the answer. But even if it doesn't, I think that the benefits to the community and our neighborhood make participation well worth it regardless. Our neighborhood isn't super family or kid friendly and although we're lucky to have lots of nearby parks (whoo hoo!) that seems to be the extent of our neighborhood's "child-friendliness". Hopefully this will change things.

7-ish Weeks and Counting

2010-04-28T06:02:00.000+09:00

That's right. Just about 7 more weeks until my due date of June 15th. And I'm really not sure how I'll make it that long. It feels like there is NO room left in my belly. I've got a mild grade nausea by the end of the day, surely the result of being pummeled in the stomach by a squirming baby who often lodges itself squarely against said stomach for hours (ouch). I've also got an increasingly clingy toddler who wants to be held and carried by me even if I go no further than across the room. I'm not finding this easy to manage.

Still, I'm grateful that we're getting more sleep at night. Have I mentioned that Peanut is back in her crib here at home and hasn't figured out how to safely scale the sides of the crib to get out? She occasionally climbs in by herself, but she won't climb out so we're all sleeping much better at night. Last night was the first night she had a night waking in 4 or 5 days and it was a brief one after some minor reassurance. It's been lovely!

Everyone's health is quite good. I just wish the next 7 weeks wouldn't be as hard as I think they might be. I've got a stomach ache right now and I have no idea why. Usually I feel good if I'm laying down, but with a toddler - close to impossible. So. For now, we just keep on keepin' on.

Hazy Days

2010-04-21T07:17:00.000+09:00

The jet lag seems to have worn off, but there are days when I'm not sure if I'm coming or going. Between moving from Japan to our friends' place, then after 2 weeks with them back to our own home (after our renters left), we've been all over the place. Having entered the 3rd trimester, this all seems much much harder. I feel as though I'm walking through molasses on most days. I spend most of my time trying my hardest to keep up with an incredibly active toddler who has become very clingy (lots of travel + impending new baby arrival makes this not too surprising). This means that we still have boxes that we pulled out of storage that remain unopened. Any preparations for baby are likely not to happen until just a week before the due date. In the meantime we're also fighting the fires that come with home ownership - a pest invasion (cleared up), a leaky fridge (fixed), damaged floors underneath fridge (pending), busted fireplace (pending), windows in dire need of cleaning (mold growing in window tracks), etc.

Having said all this, I'm ecstatic to have my own gloriously comfortable bed to sleep in at night. I'm over the moon(!) to be making homemade macaroni and cheese for dinner tonight (and to have access to the ingredients to do so)! I've fallen in love with my local library all over again. Well, I never fell out of love with them, I just happy to be reunited! Our cat has returned home after an extended stay with friends while we were out of the country and we're all thrilled to be together again.

All in all, life is good right now.

Moving Around

2010-03-27T14:08:00.001+09:00

I know, I know! You’ve been wondering – where *will* she be living?! How did the whole renter thing turn out? We decided that we’d just go ahead and let our renters stay since I was comfortable with being displaced for a week and in the end they were only asking for another 5 days beyond that. Seattle here we come!

We're now frantically packing and trying to get ready to go. This has been complicated by Peanut's never-ending illness. Things started to get dicey the other night when she spiked a fever. Then on Friday she first complained of pain in her ear. Things seemed to improve a little, although she was clearly not sleeping well at night and was then sleeping a lot and at strange hours during the day. Then the ear pain complaints started again late on Friday and by Saturday morning we had our diagnosis of an ear infection along with a prescription for some antibiotics. Thank goodness this all manifested before our flight on Monday; traveling with a toddler with an ear infection on an international flight doesn't sound like my idea of a good time.

I'm looking forward to heading "home" to Seattle in less than 48 hours. Even if we won't be in our own space right away, it's time to move on.

I've migrated...

2010-03-24T13:16:00.000+09:00

but have no idea how successful the migration is yet. The comment counts are all wrong and often I get an error message when trying to access a post. Apparently I'm one of a "small number of users" who now get this message after migration. We'll see what happens next. Stay tuned.

Transitioning Back Home

2010-03-06T13:31:00.001+09:00

As we were making our preparations to return to Japan last fall, we found renters for our house at the last minute. Truly, 2 weeks before our departure a friend put two and two together and matched us and our vacant house from December - March with some friends who were about to undergo a remodel on their house and needed a place to stay for that same time frame. Even better, their home was only a couple of miles from our place so they could periodically check on the progress of their remodel and since our place would be rented as a furnished space, they could leave most of their stuff in their home and not have to worry about where to sleep or what pots and pans they'd be using for cooking. And basically I want to starting nesting as I've mentioned before.

And of course, given the short notice and the fact that they were referred by friends, we didn't get a rental agreement in writing - something that worried me from the start. I'm a bit compulsive about these kinds of things. I just want everyone to have the same clear expectations. Not having the rental agreement in writing was probably our first mistake.

At some point, a few weeks into their stay, one of the renters emailed us to ask if we'd reduce the rent because they really would have liked to use the extra bedroom that we had closed up with our personal belongings inside. At the time that we explained our circumstances (in 2 weeks' time we couldn't move out all the furniture and stored items from our daughter's room), the renters assured us that they didn't need to use that 2nd bedroom and were more than happy with our proposed one-bedroom furnished rental. Upon further consideration, they decided that they would have liked to use that room for hosting guests and could we consider reducing the rent accordingly? To be fair, our estimated rental price may have been a little on the higher side because when we drew it up in our minds, we were anticipating renting out the entire house including both bedrooms. We conceded their point and reduced the rent slightly.

As we prepared to return, we asked how the remodel was progressing and were assured it was on schedule. We still planned to return as late as possible in March so that our renters would have lots of time to make the necessary arrangements to move out. Now they're asking us for another week "or so" in April. They feel bad about asking us not to return to our house, but don't want to move their belongings twice.

Here's the sticking point. When we initially talked to them about our return plans, we acknowledged that we had no set return date but given the pregnancy, I didn't want to be traveling after the end of March so we'd be back by then at the latest but were thinking of mid-March. As I recall it, we had told them we had friends we might be able to stay with until the end of March to give them the remodel duration time. But we never talked about April. And now that they're asking us to stay away until almost mid-April, I'm not thrilled. I've been looking forward to returning to my own home and space. I've been thinking about my own bed and settling back into my own kitchen. I've been dreaming about eating all the foods that make me healthy and happy instead of having to eat whatever my mother-in-law cooks because we only have one kitchen and in-laws that don't generally care to eat the kind of food I'd cook up.

So. What to do. We'd like to have a positive recommendation from these renters for future purposes in the event that we rent out our place again as we hope to do the next time we return to Japan for an extended trip. And of course, since they are friends of friends, I don't want to screw this up too badly. But is it all worth it? I'm just not sure. I feel like we've already made concessions of all kinds regarding the rental amount and even which things we'd move around in order to better accommodate them before we left.

And I really had never anticipated being displaced from my home well into April. I'm sure our renters did. Realistically, a remodel never goes according to plan and I get that. But I thought it was pretty clear that we'd give them until the end of March (we'd make it work one way or another) but that was pretty much our best offer. Now I am able to envision that there may have been some room for misinterpretation as I'm sure they interpreted our suggestion that we might be able to stay with friends for a week or two as an open-ended kind of thing that would start whenever they needed they extra time (or call it their wishful thinking - whatever).

They've said that they can stay with friends but don't want to have to move twice. I don't blame them. We're thinking of offering them our garage as storage space until an April 15th drop dead date. They'd need to be out by March 28th since we'll be back on the 29th, but they could leave the bulk of their stuff behind (and it sounds like they brought a lot with them and that's part of the reason they wanted more space at our place) and not have to drag it all with them twice.

We're going to check with one set of friends who would normally do just about anything for us and thus might be able to put us up. But I'm concerned that their child, who is close in age to our daughter, might not handle it well. He's a very intense, spirited-child and he doesn't like to be around other children or even other adults all that much. I'd hate to come back into his life after being going for more than 4 months and to invade his space creating a real threat for him. Needless to say, staying with them for a week would normally be fun for us adults, but I'm not sure the toddlers will have a great time which ultimately means we adults may struggle. And have I mentioned that I'm pregnant and the hormones are raging????? I'm definitely coming around to the idea of staying with our friends for a week and just seriously hanging out and having some fun. We used to be roommates and it could be nice to have some together time again. Also, two of the four of us adults will celebrate our birthdays that week, so we'll surely be spending some quality time with them anyway...

If there's another option, I'd love to hear it. I'm trying to make everyone as happy and comfortable as possible, but I always do that and then I feel like miserable martyr and that doesn't seem useful. *sigh*

Riding the Hormone Roller Coaster

2010-03-05T18:01:00.001+09:00

I woke the other morning from a dream in which I was crying and I found myself actually, physically crying. And then I was sobbing. Suddenly I felt overwhelmed by a number of questions and doubts about our life here in Japan, about our attempt to live a bicoastal/bicultural life, about our second baby - you know the "little" things!

I was amazed at how powerful the emotions were and at the same time I realized that the extent to which I was crying sort of outweighed the feelings I was having. Good old pregnancy hormone roller coaster strikes again!

I confess I'm really, really looking forward to our return to the U.S. as I'm feeling a strong desire to be in my own home and comfort space as I finish this pregnancy. I'm tired of living in someone else's space and eating someone else's food and feeling like it's just too hard to carve out space (literal and figurative) of my own. And I'm feeling a very strong desire to nest, in a way that I truly didn't feel during my first pregnancy.

So in case you were wondering, that's where I'm at emotionally these days. On the edge...but holding on. Just 24 more days.

Too Much Togetherness?

2010-02-27T16:31:00.001+09:00

Is it possible? I think most of us would say, "Yes, at some point there IS such a thing as too much togetherness." Today we spent all day honoring and remembering Gboy's grandmother who passed away two years ago. There's a Buddhist tradition of doing a kind of memorial service and this was her 2nd annual. Last year it felt very fitting and appropriate. This year is mostly felt exhausting and like a chore that had to be done. Fewer of the extended relatives showed up. And the whole thing seemed sort of... obligatory.

Despite the fact that this day was about his own mother, my father-in-law spent the day (even while his whole family and guests were here) in his bedroom with the door shut watching horse racing. I know this because periodically he would emerge, betting sheet in hand, to use the computer to place another online bet. Meanwhile, my sister-in-law and her husband have been walking around like zombies because they arrived here very late last night and while they would have liked to nap, they couldn't because my father-in-law was in the room they'll be sleeping in for the next couple of days. My mother-in-law spent the day running around like a chicken with her head cut off, refusing all offers of help and trying to do everything herself.

By late this afternoon, Peanut, wound-up from all the excitement of having 7 or 8 of her cousins here to play with her all day, finally melted down from lack of food (too busy to be convinced to eat) and sheer exhaustion. As my husband took her out to the car in an attempt to drive her around in the quiet and comfort of a moving vehicle (a nice safe bet for lulling her to sleep) my father-in-law kept barking, "Why are you crying?! Why are you crying?!" as they walked by. I'm not sure what on earth his purpose was. He doesn't play with or really interact much with my daughter in general. So these barking interrogations tend only to scare her and generally she tells him to "go away" if he talks to her. He certainly didn't plan to offer any assistance or help in calming her down, and in all likelihood he just escalated her anxiety.

*sigh* I'm sure I'm sensitive about all of this because I too am tired (my mother and father-in-law were up for hours last night walking around the house repeatedly slamming doors in anticipation of their daughter's arrival). As a result, Gboy and I didn't manage to get any decent sleep until well after 1am and we're tired too.

It's like so many holidays in the U.S. I guess. Everyone is so excited to get together but it takes so much work and then once you're all crammed together in one small space, suddenly things aren't as ideal as you dreamed they'd be!!

In Which I Pick Your Collective Brains....

2010-02-25T17:19:00.001+09:00

Have I mentioned that we have a return date set? March 29th we're headed back to Seattle! I'm already working up my list of books to request from the library and what I'm currently interested in are books about parenting and/or children that address the way in which kids learn and grow from say, ages 3 and up.

You see, Peanut is currently attending a 2 year-old class at a nearby preschool and she is loving it. As in, she walks in the door, doesn't look back or wave good-bye unless prompted by the teacher, and excitedly chatters on and on about school all week long until that once a week 1 1/2 hour session rolls around again. She sings the songs she learned there, she shows us how she's learning to use scissors, she tells me about the stories they read, shows me her dance skills, etc.

Up until now, Gboy and I had been taking a wait and see approach. Rather than make any decisions about how or where to enroll or educate Peanut (from preschool through high school) we figured we'd take it one step at a time. We wanted to see how her personality developed and try to find a way to give her the social and intellectual stimulation that suited her. Needless to say, her love of preschool has really forced the issue of education and socialization to the forefront of our minds.

At this point, I'm open to all kinds of possibilities. We aren't sure where we'll be living at any particular point in the future and this makes the decision of a Japanese vs. American or private vs. public school challenging. Thus, it's not so much the specifics that I'm interested in learning about; rather, I'd like to explore all kinds of ways of teaching and raising our kids.

One way of looking at this is to learn more about home schooling, something I'd never given much thought, but seems like an interesting possibility. But I'd also love to hear any and all ideas that you might have regarding books or materials or philosophies that you've read about or used for parenting that have helped to guide your family's mission and have helped you to think about how your children are growing and developing into unique individuals.

Thoughts?

Stitching for Fun AND Literacy

2010-02-21T19:54:00.001+09:00

I'm an occasional cross-stitch-er. When I saw this, I thought it was such a great idea. If you know anyone who is a stitcher looking for a project, this sounds like a fantastic way to demonstrate some flair and to support a great cause.

You Say Potato, I Say Tomato

2010-02-18T14:22:00.001+09:00

I love watching the bilingual learning process unfold. Peanut has this adorable habit lately of calling tomatoes, potatoes. Her pronunciation is perfectly Japanese "poh-tah-to" and it cracks me up every time. If we practice with her "TOmato" in small syllables she says it correctly (in fact until a few weeks ago she correctly said tomato) but as soon as she tries to say the whole word, it now comes out as potato. Fascinating!

And that's her other new word. She looks at the ceiling and says, "fascinating". We have no idea what she's looking at (the air vent?) but she smiles and giggles and says it's fascinating.

Additionally, she's has started to mix, in grammatically correct ways, both English and Japanese. We get identical requests like "apple kudasai" one minute followed by "ringo please" the next. She has also taken to saying things like "Mama is going benkyoh suru-ing" (her "Japanish" word for studying). It's unbelievable to see what she comes up with.

I love that she understands and speaks both languages without hesitation now. When we first arrived here in Japan at the end of December, she seemed hesitant to speak any Japanese to anyone other than her father. I attributed this in part to her shyness and also the fact that many people here were attempting to speak English to her (despite their own English skills limitations). I thought this might have created some confusion for Peanut. After all, she tends to catch on quickly that if she's asked a question in English she can answer it in English and vice versa.

Needless to say, not hearing the question in Japanese, why should Peanut answer it in Japanese? But this seemed to fluster my in-laws who couldn't understand why she wouldn't speak to them in Japanese. Gboy and I kept telling the in-laws that they could use Japanese as Peanut is perfectly able to comprehend them, but it took a good month or so before the adults finally started to speak to Peanut in regular Japanese - just like they would when speaking to their other grandchildren. I'm awfully glad that they did because her Japanese vocabulary is now growing exponentially and everyone here is so excited to see it and they reinforce her learning because they want to see more. It's amazing how the adults are often the slowest learners!!

And Now for Something...Meatier

2010-02-13T16:50:00.001+09:00

I've spent the last 24+ hours trying to put a less than stellar (one might say "traumatizing") OB appointment behind me. I mentally drafted and re-drafted the post that would describe how unpleasant it was and the more I thought about it, the more it frustrated me. I don't want to come off as melodramatic or anti-Japan. And so, I've chalked up most of my frustration with the appointment to cultural differences.

When I was in graduate school (the first time when I was studying public affairs and policy as opposed to the second time when I was studying library and information science - I know. Two degrees?? What was I thinking. But whatever..) I took a few public health classes that I really enjoyed. In one of the classes we spent some time talking about successful public health campaigns and especially, how to reach "under-served" populations. From the perspective of the USA, one under-served population as you might imagine, is those people who are non-English speakers. Having been on the other side of the Dr.'s desk, so to speak, I now understand why. I mean, I got it conceptually, while I was in school. And I thought that improving the "cultural competence" of medical staff sounded logical.

But now I see how vital cultural competence truly is; it's not just a buzzword or politically correct token effort. Because if I didn't have a husband willing to go with me to these appointments, I would just stop going to see the doctor here in Japan. The frustration I experience, the embarrassment, the confusion - none of it feels worth it during a pregnancy that I feel is routine. Naturally, I'm no doctor and could be wrong about my own condition or that of the baby, but I'm telling you, even with husband to take me, I don't want to go back. I don't feel any sense of understanding or compassion or accommodation from the staff of a fairly large and modern hospital system. Instead, I get what I can only assume is the routine treatment and I'm just supposed to go with it. Accept that this is "how things are done here" and that's it. I understand that the situation might be a little different if we'd chosen a hospital or clinic in a more urban area, but as I said, this one is pretty modern and I figured it wouldn't really matter since in the 2nd trimester you mostly get weighed, have an ultrasound and call it good. I didn't expect that they'd want to see me every 3 weeks, nor did I expect things to get as "invasive" as they've gotten.

But I've decided it's just not worth it to dwell on it. Instead, I'll take from this experience only the parts I want to remember and I'll just do my best to block out the rest. So..... Turns out they think I'm a little iron-deficient (just barely below the cut-off for "regular" standards here) and I'm taking this as a sign. A sign I tell you. I am MEANT to have the Big America "New York" burger at McDonald's. I missed the Texas burger, but I won't be missing the beef in the New York burger you can bet on that! And that California burger looks yummy too. This might also explain why I was overjoyed to sample the Sasebo burger the other day. You can't imagine anything like this if you think of American fast food joints. The bun was perfectly toasted, the lettuce was crispy, the sauce wasn't too skimpy or overly sloppy, the egg was fabulous...I could go on, but instead, I'm going to call it another day and get some rest. Yesterday was draining and the baby and I surely need some more rest.

Book Club Origins

2010-02-08T15:53:00.001+09:00

I've offered to host a single event for a meetup group that is generally about socializing and meeting new women in the Kansai area and I've agreed to do a book club style meeting. Essentially, we're doing a one-time book group meeting. If things go well, I'd like to try to do it again in the future, but given my travel schedule I'm not entirely possible when or how that would work. Still, I'm having so much fun planning for this one, that I'm seriously thinking it might be time to start my own group in Seattle as well.

In that vein, I'm really looking for suggestions about how to run a successful group. I've seen some tips from "professionals" but what I'm more interested in is how a particular group works and if the members are generally happy with the dynamic? For example, do your book group members all get to vote on a title that they'd like to read? Is that democratic approach working for your group or does it stymie things? Also, are there differing expectations about how much time the group will spend on socializing and chit chat vs. book discussion? I suppose you could try to make that clear with your group during the initial meeting, but is there an ebb and flow to membership that is to be expected during the first few months as people work out whether or not the group is a good fit for them?

I'm dying to get back to some book chat with real people and the local public libraries in Seattle have monthly book groups, but I wonder if that approach, or even advertising through say, meetup.com leads to a really transient group of readers. And maybe that's not a bad thing (I'm making an assumption here that a more regular group of readers makes people more comfortable with engaging in dialogue with one another).

Please feel free to share your experiences! I'd love to hear if you were part of a terrible book group and what made it terrible. Likewise, I'd love to hear about successful groups! Any thoughts are appreciated!

Cross-posted on: Everything's Better With Books

A Few Bumps in the Road

2010-01-23T12:57:00.001+09:00

This past week has been bumpy. Peanut has discovered that she can climb out of her crib and come get us whenever she likes. This means that although she had been sleeping from 8:30pm - almost 6:30 am without waking, she's now awake several times during the night, coming to get one of us, esp. Mama and asking for company. She then has a habit of staying awake for a minimum of 30 minutes, often more like 1 hour to 1.5 hours. And if she happens to wake at 5:30 am, we're out of luck - no more sleep. Additionally, this new found climbing skill has affected her napping routine. We're lucky if she naps for an hour, and we're really lucky if it takes less than an hour for her to fall asleep. She's a mess.

Then a couple of days ago she got a running nose and low grade fever. After almost a week of minimal sleep, perhaps that was to be expected? Anyway, last night she was awake several times, despite the fact that she took the doctor prescribed, "it could make her sleepy" medicine. Not likely. I'd say the runny nose has improved a little today, but her sleeping hasn't. I'm hopeful that this time around the changes will resolve in just a couple of weeks and we'll be back, more or less, to the usual.

In the meantime, we've started to see more evidence of the "terrible two's" emerging from Peanut's personality, just days before her 2nd birthday. Poor thing. I'd be cranky too if I wasn't sleeping well. Who am I kidding? I'm not sleeping well (all this up-and-down in the middle of the night isn't fun when you're pregnant, although it wasn't fun when I was post-pregnancy either).

All in all, this is my greatest fear about parenting child #2. I really, really struggled with the sleep loss and sleep disruption issues when Peanut was firstborn. Well, it wasn't so much when she was a newborn, it was really rough for me at about 4 months. Then eventually things improved somewhat, but we've been through all kinds of setbacks when it comes to sleep. And I'm afraid. I'm very afraid that come June, I won't manage it all well with a newborn and a 2 1/2 year old who theoretically may yet be wandering around at night. How do people survive more than one child? Perhaps I just need to up my intake of Starbucks and other local cafes (easy to do in Seattle - nearly impossible where we are in Japan).

I should add that the miracle in all of this, is that somehow our daughter is essentially training herself to use the potty. We've gotten several requests from her - to use the potty. And given the opportunity, she willingly uses the potty at the peak times of day. This doesn't cease to amaze me. Also, she was angelic during the 2, almost 3 hours, that we spent in the car coming home from the amazing Green Hotel in Mie yesterday. We had spent the night there taking advantage of their onsen and although Peanut hadn't slept well during the night, she was, as I said, almost angelic and completely self-sufficient for the car ride home. These are the little things that keep us going!

Big Ones are Good for the Soul

2010-01-22T20:58:00.001+09:00

I've added a new button on my sidebar. I want to be sure that everyone knows where and how to get some of their very own delicious and truly HUGE Big Ones. We're talking cookies that are as big as a toddler's head. In flavors like you wouldn't believe. Trust me, you won't regret ordering them.

Could a BLT Contain the Secret to Happiness?

2010-01-19T16:43:00.001+09:00

After my Japanese class today, I met a friend for lunch. We dined in a lovely little cafe with delicious sandwiches and pastries (sort of Japanese meets French) and had wonderful conversation. After a couple of hours, I headed back to the train station to start the trek home. It generally takes nearly an hour and a half to make it from downtown Osaka to our house out here in the "country" (and frankly it's not all THAT rural here). Still, on the trip home I had lots of time to think about how long I'd been away from the house and my family.

I left the house at 8:30 this morning and didn't make it back until just before 4pm. It was a beautiful warm and sunny day with temperatures approaching 60F! It was the kind of day perfect for some farming and I know my husband had hoped to get some work done on the farm, but while I was gone, he was on baby-duty. I've mentioned before that finding childcare here is incredibly difficult despite the fact that we leave with my in-laws and near family. It's just not how things work here. As a result, I was feeling very guilty for being away for so long today. It's worth noting that my husband doesn't resent this at all and he encourages me to go out with friends, particularly while we're here in Japan. He wants me to feel "at-home" and fulfilled rather than isolated.

And yet.....it was soul-satisfying to have adult conversation with an educated and worldly and funny friend. It reminded me of who I am, separate from being a mother, something that I have really struggled with in the last two years. I adore my daughter and feel very guilty every time I even THINK about how mind-numbing I sometimes find day-to-day childcare. I'm sure I feel even more guilty because it took us over a year just to conceive her. Many days I hoped and prayed for a positive pregnancy test and kept telling myself that I'd appreciate every moment of parenting if only I could get pregnant. But then I finally got pregnant and we had our beautiful daughter. Since then, I've spent the last two years trying to reassert myself as I sometimes feel myself slipping away. To where? I don't know. It's almost hard to explain. But after a day like today, one in which I get to learn and meet up with old friends in my Japanese school, and lunch with newer friends in downtown, I feel selfish in the best possible way. I feel renewed and I constantly try to tell myself that it's all worthwhile in the end as it makes me a better - ME.

Reading Through the New Year

2010-01-18T06:34:00.001+09:00

It's the start of 2010 and I recently reviewed my list of books read in 2009 and the number was pitifully small by my own standards. As a result, I've decided that rather than sign up for a bunch of reading challenges (which feels like more commitment and smacks of *resolution* in a way that I'm not comfortable with at the moment), I'd just peruse some of the existing lists and make up my own list of books that I want to read this year. I'm hoping that with a real focus on which titles I want to scratch off the list, I might make more progress.

Pulitzer Prize Winners/Honorees
Empire Falls – Richard Russo (2002)
Amazing Adventures of Cavalier and Clay – Michael Chabon (2001)
American Pastoral – Philip Roth (1998)
Breathing Lessons – Anne Tyler (1989)
Foreign Affairs – Allison Lurie (1985)

Orange Prize Winners/Shortlist
Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers (2007 shortlist)
Liars and Saints – Maile Meloy (2005 shortlist)
Small Island – Andrea Levy (2004)
Magician’s Assistant – Ann Patchett (1998 shortlist)

Armchair Travel
French Milk – Lucy Knisley
Immovable Feast: A Paris Christmas – John Baxter
Best American Travel Writing 2006 – Timothy Cahill
The Reluctant Tuscan: How I Discovered My Inner Italian – Phil Doran
On Rue Tatin: Living and Cooking in a French Town – Susan Hermann Loomis
Japanland: A Year in Search of WA – Karin Muller

Back to School
To Kill a Mockingbird -Harper Lee
Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
The Scarlet Pimpernel - Baroness Emmuska Orczy
Their Eyes Were Watching God - Zora Neale Hurston

Non-Fiction
Last Child in the Woods: Saving our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder - Richard Louv
Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds - David Pollock
In Defense of Food - Michael Pollan
Bookwomen: Creating an Empire in Children's Publishing 1919-1939 - Jacalyn Eddy

There will surely be others that I read and add to the list. I thought about making a list of all the cookbooks and food books that I'd like to plan to read, but that seemed sort of silly since I'm bound to read many of them regardless.

The trick is that I own several of these but they're at home in Seattle and my access to books here in Japan is somewhat limited. I love my Kindle, but I'm trying to be reasonable about how many books I buy while I'm overseas (you can imagine the expenses could skyrocket quickly). Thus, the start of all this reading may not truly begin until March when I return to Seattle, but for now, the list is out there and I've stated my intentions in good faith!

And if I'm looking for anything to read in the meantime, there's always my "to-read" list on Goodreads.com!

Maternity Care in a Foreign Land

2010-01-17T13:30:00.001+09:00

My Japanese isn't especially good. I've made no secret of that. Despite my attempts to go to Japanese language classes while living here in Japan, my Japanese is just barely functional in say, a convenience store. "Could I please have one newspaper?" might be manageable.

Thus, when it was time for my OB appointment here in Japan (because of our travels I haven't been able to see a doctor for maternity care for just over 2 months) I took my husband with me knowing full well that I couldn't possibly follow a medical conversation with a doctor. I'm glad I took him. First off, it was nice to have some company while I spent over 2 hours in the hospital being shuttled up and down, back and forth to the lab for urine samples, blood work, what I'm told was an EKG (never had one so I couldn't say for sure), a brief meeting with the doctor who whipped out the Doppler (Yes! a heartbeat!) and finally the doula. We don't need a doula for birthing services as we will be back in the U.S. for labor and delivery. But apparently this doula's responsibilities also include maternity services much like a nurse in the U.S. might provide, such as nutritional counseling, information about weight control, etc.

This conversation with the doula was not my favorite part of the visit. She was shocked when I told her that my pre-baby weight was probably around 54 kg. and I'm now up to just over 60 kg. "54?!!" she yelled. I was so startled and confused by her yelling, that I thought maybe I was wrong. I refigured in my head and said, yes, 54. If you're not accustomed to metric terms, (and I'm not really) this means that I've gained about 12 pounds in my first 18 weeks. Not ideal by American standards but even more out of line by Japanese standards. As a result, I was given a chart with a request to weigh myself at home once a week and record it for future review by the doctor. They would like to see me every few weeks while I'm here. I don't know if that's standard, but I appreciate their thoroughness.

The doula went on to say that she isn't too worried since I'm not Japanese (I'm nearly 5'8" tall for heavens sake and as a result, bigger and heavier than most Japanese women). Still, by most American standards on was on the very low end of the weight chart for a woman my height before pregnancy, and while I gained quickly in the 1st trimester that's to be expected as I was eating as a self-defense to minimize the nausea and because at the end of the 1st trimester I was sometimes ravenous. This has all changed in the last several weeks and the weight gain has slowed, but now I'm more than a little paranoid.

The shock this woman expressed has been engraved on my brain. I'm sure my own doctor would have talked to me about weight gain and target weights, but I'm sure that she would have been far more sensitive about the whole thing. Not only does my own doctor know that I only gained about 25 pounds during my 1st pregnancy, but she also knows that was not overweight prior to pregnancy. I was stunned and hurt by the doula's reaction. It felt as though she was suggesting that I'm an overweight and out of control crazy American (not an unusual experience for a foreigner here in Japan). I'm sure many of my readers are familiar with this situation, and I actually expected it, but it was startling all the same.

The good news is that I've been able to explain to my husband how much this concerned me and we've made time in our family schedule for me to get back to my maternity exercise routine -something that had fallen by the wayside what with jet lag and settling back in here. Also, Gboy was able to explain what happened to his mother and I'm hoping that now when I say, "No thank you I'm done" when she offers me more food at dinner, she'll believe me. I appreciate her attempts to feed me, but portion control is out of the question when she just keeps dishing up equal portions to everyone at the table regardless of their hunger level.

By the way, does anyone have any speculation about why the hospital would want an EKG? I don't have any history of heart problems or anything else that I can think of which would even make that test relevant for maternity services.

Also, anything else I should be prepared for in my coming visits with the doctor? I've got an ultrasound scheduled for about 3 weeks from now.

Movement on the Homefront

2010-01-15T08:44:00.001+09:00

Things with my sister seem to be slowly improving - thank you all who commented on the situation. Apparently discord between siblings is not uncommon! Big surprise? I guess not, but it helped me immensely to hear your thoughts and experiences. It gave me some additional perspective and even validation. I love that the Internets can validate my being!

In other news, I hit the 18 week mark in my pregnancy on Wednesday. I can't quite believe the number is that high already. Anyway, earlier this week (somewhere around week 17 1/2) I started to feel real movement from the baby. It amazed me to feel it even though this feels kind of early in the pregnancy. But even more amazing was how vigorously I was feeling it. This kid may give Peanut a run for her money! When Peanut was in the womb, she was a thrasher. All night long she'd twist and turn and roll and hiccup....I never once did movement counts or whatever they called them because I would have met all my counts in about 3 minutes and the game would be over. No point. Since her birth Peanut has maintained this high level of activity and is a very "genki" child as they say in Japanese. I mean she is GENKI - ALL the time.

Needless to say, I'm starting to worry that I'll really have my hands full in another year or so once they're both on the move. Oh my word. If this movement in the womb is a reliable indicator I'm in deep trouble. I'm gonna need more running shoes!

Mistakes were made...

2010-01-09T14:09:00.001+09:00

I was asked by my sister who I love dearly to address the distance that she feels is between us - ever since I visited her this fall. I tried to be truthful with myself and with her and I tried to be sure to use lots of "I" messages to convey MY side of things. I recognize that a lot of what I'm feeling may just be in my head. But I don't think she took it very well. And I'm sad that no matter how thoughtful I tried to be, it seems not to have worked.

I'm also sad because I feel like although she asked me what was going on, maybe she really didn't want to hear the truth and I should have known that. Isn't that sort of like the "Does this make me look fat?" question? The truth isn't always what is actually what we want to hear. Sometimes we just want and need to hear that everything is okay and I think I could have done that and addressed the issues at a later date when she is feeling more together. I suspect she's still really got her hands full with an almost 6 month old and adjusting to new parenthood etc.

But I just didn't think I was being hurtful. I thought I was trying to clear the air and help show my side of things and why our relationship might feel different to her and my behavior might seem different. *sigh* I'm not sure how I could have handled things differently but I do feel bad that she's so hurt. Naturally I didn't mean to hurt her. I just figured since she was asking for honesty that some thoughtful, carefully worded "it's me and not you" honesty might be helpful in clarifying the situation. But I was wrong again. This is not new for me or for us. You'd think after 33 years as sisters I would have figured this out.

*sigh*
How's your relationship with your sibling(s)? Am I the only one in this boat? Any suggestions on how to back things up and start over? Right now she's hurt and unable to address this conversation further, but before we ever talk about it again, I'd love to know what I should do to grovel some more and fix things, while still maintaining the right to express myself and my feelings (they're not totally invalid right?).

Vignettes from Osaka

2010-01-09T06:14:00.001+09:00

This is more random snapshots from my life this week. The jet lag seems to have finally worn off but that means that up until now, things have been viewed through a somewhat choppy lens! And in answer to Furrow's question, I'll be here in Japan until sometime in March. My husband is working on getting his own business off the ground with the intention and hope that maybe we can become a bicoastal/bicultural family someday living in Osaka for more extended periods of time (instead of just one week at a time). If his business does in fact become viable, it would be something he could do from the U.S. or from Japan which would be great. In the meantime, I'm still doing some soul-searching about my own (self)employment (?) options and what it might look like for me. In the meantime I'm a free-range, nomadic librarian without an employer. Career and employment suggestions are welcome!!

I've eaten an amazing vegetable curry and ramen noodle soup at two of my favorite Osaka restaurants this week.
I saw a grandmother hunched over with osteoporosis walking around in (p)leather pants! She could have been someone's great-grandmother she was that old!
I still remember how to take the trains to get to the city!
I started calligraphy again yesterday. It's not as easy to sit in the little folding chair and focus on proper form now that I'm pregnant. I'm not that far along, but it's work on those stomach muscles to sit up properly and after 2 hours I was exhausted! Future lessons should be shorter!
My daughter has taken to the potty with a sudden vigor. Three days in a row now she has brought us her baby potty insert, said "Poppy on the potty!" and once set up on the adult potty she did her business. We are stunned. And excited. We're not expectant that this will mean that she's fully trained anytime soon, but we're grateful that she's so interested in self-starting!!
The farm is producing lots of cabbage these days. This weekend we're hoping to have corned beef (with cabbages, potatoes and carrots - lots of those from the farm too!). I'm also hoping to make Indian food one night. I've got a great recipe for Indian cabbage and I've got a craving for some Indian food!
My daughter is picking up lots of Japanese vocabulary again. It's hysterical to hear her mimic people she hears. After hearing the waitress say it once or twice, my daughter started copying her with, "Irasshiamase!" (a greeting or welcome). She yelled it to every new customer who walked into the curry restaurant the other day.

That's all I've got for now. Be back soon!

Technical Difficulties

2010-01-06T05:30:00.001+09:00

Holy cow! There are still people here! I love you! Apparently my Yahoo! email account starting sending all my comment notifications and various emails as well- directly to my spam email box somewhere around mid December. I never even thought to actually look at my blog to see if anyone was still here commenting. Needless to say, I thought you'd all left me!

I'm so happy to find you all here but now I've got to figure out what on earth is going on with my blogger account and Yahoo! email. Any ideas or suggestions about how to fix this would certainly be appreciated.

I'll be back!!

John Denver Tribute

2009-12-30T08:05:00.001+09:00

Have you ever heard that song "Back Home Again"? In it, he talks about returning to the family farm. Oddly enough, it's a song I've always identified strongly with despite the fact that I grew up with a large vegetable garden but nothing that would qualify as a farm. Still, now that we've returned to the family homestead and farm in Osaka, I find that song ringing through my head. I can't express how happy I was to walk in the door last night after nearly 24 hours of car and plane travel. We came to Osaka by way of Albany, NY - Chicago, IL - Tokyo, Japan - Osaka. It was a long day.

But the moment we walked in the door I knew I was home. My bed was waiting. A hot bath was available to us. We had a wonderful, small but delicious dinner with the whole family. All of Gboy's siblings are in town for the New Year's holiday and were at the house to welcome us home last night. Peanut was ecstatic to see everyone again - especially her cousins and playmates.

Yes, we're fighting some jet lag. All 3 of us were awake at 4 am this morning. But I slept warmly and soundly in my bed last night and was grateful for it. Oddly, even my parents' house while it feels comfortable no longer really feels like home. They moved from my childhood home about 4 years ago and I've spent so little time there that it doesn't feel like a familiar space at all.

But after returning to Japan last night, I breathed a sigh of relief to know that home really is where you make it and not just in one single place. As John said, "It's the little things that make a house a home."

"Stealing" Christmas

2009-12-27T19:38:00.001+09:00

I want to start with the wonder of Christmas. It was a beautiful day and I was thankful to celebrate it while surrounded by my family. Hopefully I'll even come back to this. But for now, I want to digress.

I am really struggling with how to make sense of the different parenting styles that my sister and I have. She has a difficult time relaxing when my daughter is around. Peanut at almost 2 years old, is perceived by my sister as a constant threat to her 5 month old son (let's call him Buddy). As soon as Peanut sees a toy that she would like, she wants to grab it away from Buddy. The grabbing is a recent development. With our friends in our parenting support group, the other children are close in age to Peanut and fortunately we all see more or less eye to eye about sharing and how to encourage the kids to share (esp. as they're all at an age where they need to do this).

With my sister, she can't stand to surrender one of Buddy's toys or books for even a moment (something I might do to keep another kid happy). I can respect this, but I'd rather she use a firm, "No" or "It's Buddy's turn, you have to wait for your turn." This is the language we use regularly with Peanut. Instead, I went upstairs for a few moments the other day and heard her yell, quite sharply at Peanut saying, "NO Peanut, that's stealing!!". At first I had to laugh. How many 2 year olds understand the concept of stealing and thievery?? And then I was just frustrated. Because my sister is pretty high-strung. Because she can't seem to accept that Peanut is doing what toddlers do. Because although my sister, BIL and Buddy have only been here in my parents' house since the morning of the 24th and I'm very happy for them to leave today (once upon a time I would have wished that my sister and BIL could stay another week).

Being a parent changes you. I understand that and I'm constantly grateful for the opportunity to be changed by it. I just can't help but wonder if my sister and I will ever see eye to eye again. I confess I'm amazed at how much I see my life through this lens of motherhood in ways that I didn't anticipate. I didn't think it would change my relationship with my sister but it has. Once upon a time I felt that she'd be best guardian for my daughter; now I know that I couldn't live with that decision. I always knew that our outlooks on life are different, but I thought for sure that I could live with that and I could handle knowing that she was parenting Peanut. But there's no way that I could do that now. My sister has her hands full with her own son. And she's a high-strung, anxious person - to a degree that I hadn't really seen until she was also a mom.

Becoming a mom - being a mom can change so much.

And the fun continues....

2009-12-17T20:32:00.001+09:00

Yes, our stay in upstate NY is ongoing. The snow that we had has now mostly melted away. No more building snowmen or sledding outside. Peanut is disappointed. She loved her Frosty the Snowman creation. She would regularly stand on a kitchen chair and look out the window and say, "Look Frosty!" while holding up her latest discovery be it a toy, a cookie, or even a new dance she created. Her best friend has just melted away!

I've been busy doing not much of anything useful. I haven't been studying my Japanese or even practicing my calligraphy, the things that I had planned to brush up on before my return to Japan (which is in less that two weeks). Instead, when Peanut naps, I've been napping. Or else I've been baking Christmas cookies or addressing Christmas cards.

Last year I sent out nengajo (although terribly late - I'm such a procrastinator!). This year, I sent out Christmas cards. I like the idea of alternating Christmas and New Year's card to recognize the traditions of both my culture and Gboy's culture as I think both sentiments are lovely. However, the cost of all those cards, and the postage and the time it takes to hand write a note in each one (yes I do that) makes even 35 cards a significant project. And yet, I feel so very accomplished once I'm done. What are your thoughts/strategies with regard to holiday cards?

Here's the recipe I baked yesterday. I thought I posted it previously on my blog, but I can't find it. It's originally from American Airlines inflight magazine; I'm very happy that my friend read it during her travels a few years ago and shared the recipe with me!

Chocolate Mint Marvels

¾ cup butter

1½ cups brown sugar

2 cups chocolate chips

2 eggs

2½ cups flour

1¼ teaspoon baking soda

3-4 packages of Andes mints

Melt butter and brown sugar in saucepan over low heat. Add chocolate chips and stir to melt; put mixture into a bowl and let cool. Add eggs, and then mix in flour and baking soda. Chill dough for 1 hour.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Roll into balls and place on baking sheet. (The dough might be crumbly, just work it with your hands into a ball). Bake for 9 minutes. Remove cookies from oven and place an Andes mint on each one. As the candy melts, spread it across the top of the cookie with a butter knife.

Updated to add: I've closed the comments to avoid more spam. You can always reach me at my email address in the righthand menu.

Perfect Moment Monday

2009-12-07T19:36:00.001+09:00

I Capture
Perfect Moments.

I'm a first-time participant in Perfect Moment Monday, but since I had a few this past week, I had to record them. First, my mom got out some gingerbread dough and asked Peanut if she'd like to help make cookies. Cookies?! Of course. Peanut is fascinated by Christmas and winter themed shapes these days. Gingerbread men, snowmen, Santa, sleighs, nutcrackers, Christmas trees, reindeer - there's a world of shapes and objects that she has just learned the words to describe. Additionally, she was tempted by the word cookie.

They rolled up their sleeves and I mostly supervised to make sure that (a) Peanut didn't fall off the extra tall chair that she was standing on (caught her once as she headed towards the floor noggin-first!) (b) Peanut didn't eat all the dough before it was baked! She had the best time dragging the cookie cutters through flour and then pressing the shapes into the dough. She loved that my mom had small, medium and large sized cookie cutters. She even tried rolling the dough with the rolling pin. We had a great time watching her fall in love with making cookies. At the very end there was just enough dough for one last small cookie. My mom handed the ball of dough (the size of a walnut maybe) to Peanut and said, "Go to town". Instead of picking up the rolling pin, she popped the whole thing in her mouth! My mom and I couldn't stop laughing.

Then yesterday was another sweet and perfect little baking moment. I waited until Peanut was down for her nap because I wanted to make some Skor bars and knew that they wouldn't interest her. It had snowed the night before, so I had a lovely view of a dusting of snow outside on the trees in the backyard as I worked in the kitchen. The kitchen was warm and I had the radio on, playing Christmas tunes of course. My mom sat with me and helped out a little, but the recipe is pretty simple and really it was just a way for the two of us to spend some time together, to relax and make some chocolate-toffee confections to satisfy my cravings.* I was perfectly happy and content and fulfilled at that moment.

Oh, and one last perfect moment to share. My mom and I went to Barnes and Noble to do some shopping the other day. Peanut was at home napping (thanks to my husband!) while she and I snuck out. We're both readers, my mom and I. It's no surprise then, that we found ourselves wandering around that store for over an hour. At some point early in our visit, I caved and bought a peppermint mocha. It was heavenly and made for the perfect moment! Books! Coffee!

Hope you're all having some memorable moments lately!

*Speaking of cravings, while some cookies were the order of the day yesterday, I find that I am ravenous a great deal of the time now. The nausea seems to be dissipating just in the last couple of days. Even for the last couple of weeks, I've been feeling good for 75% of the day, and then not so much for the last bit, but that hasn't kept me from having an appetite either. I was nowhere near this hungry for any part of my first pregnancy. I'm starting to think that I may be growing a boy - simply based on how different this feels, but I don't *really* have any sense about the baby's gender.

Baking marathon begins!

2009-11-30T02:37:00.001+09:00

Oh dear friends in the internet...I am looking for new (to me) and exciting recipes for Christmas cookies. That's right, at the moment I'm feeling like eating! And baking too. This year, I've got at my disposal not just an oven. But I have my mother's kitchen which looks a lot like Mrs. Claus' house. She has more cookie sheets, decorations, and baking paraphernalia than I've ever had in my own little kitchen. As such, I'm feeling like doing some serious baking. Perhaps not fair to my mother, recently diagnosed as diabetic, but I can't help it! Luckily, her willpower these days is great and she can sample a cookie or two without adversely affecting her blood sugar levels, mostly because she's so good at managing her diet and exercising regularly. Go mom!

My mother is actually the one who instilled in me the love of baking Christmas cookies until your freezer can't hold anymore. When I was a child, she was the choir director and organist at our church and every year at the holidays she would have the choir members over to our house for a rehearsal and plates full of cookies! She also hosted a holiday open house every year which also prominently featured trays of home-baked cookies. And I think that she's looking forward to doing some

So here's my request:
Do you have any favorite cookie recipes? I'm especially interested in those that are festive and holiday-like but they don't necessarily need to be such.

Even more specific (but certainly not a requirement to a good recipe) do you happen to have any favorite diabetic-friendly holiday treats? Since my mom is new to the diabetic diet, I'd sure like to help her out with a few good recipes.

Please share!!

East Coast Girls are Hip

2009-11-22T05:24:00.001+09:00

My apologies to the Beach Boys, but I can't that song out of my head at the moment. I'm on the East Coast! We officially survived the trip to upstate New York where we'll be spending approximately the next five weeks with my parents. I'm incredibly lucky to have a very good relationship with my parents and I'm especially thrilled that our lives right now make it possible for us to travel for extended periods of time. Peanut adores her Nana and Grampa and has been happy as a pig in mud ever since we got here. In fact, her jet lag was minimal and within 3 days of our arrival she was on a regular schedule of eating and sleeping and that has certainly helped to keep her mood light and bright.

I am feeling better just in the last week which is a blessing after a terrible week that included me hugging the toilet bowl for a few days, serving on jury duty, and trying to pack up some of our personal belongings in our house to make way for our renters (yay!). It is wonderfully relaxing to simply enjoy some quality time with my parents and to watch them with my daughter. My husband, good-natured man that he is, gets along famously with my parents and happily cooks dinner for us all once in a while and even gets time to himself to work on his new business. I am looking forward to next week's turkey-fest with with great anticipation in part because I love celebrating the holidays with my family, and in part because I'm hungry quite a bit lately and am feeling the nausea much less frequently (thank goodness!).

I am looking forward to returning to a more regular schedule now that the end of the 1st trimester is approaching and I'm starting to feel well again. Thank you for all of your wonderful and sweet well wishes. I am truly fortunate to have such kind folks around me!

Surprise

2009-11-08T05:30:00.001+09:00

Yep. I've tried to dance around it for a while now, but the plain fact is, I'm finding it hard to blog because the morning sickness and food and smell aversions have knocked me off my game. I was stunned to see a positive pregnancy test a few weeks ago, but it was in a "how could we possibly be that lucky?????" kind of way. Here we thought that the second go around could easily take another year or more, but nope. I'm apparently one of those wacky and lucky few who never get a period while breastfeeding and still manage to get pregnant again. I suppose I have some "survivor's guilt" about that. I lamented our previous experience for so long that I really felt those of us waiting for baby #2 were all in the same boat. Only I'm not; and that feels weird to me. I think I'm beginning to adjust to the fact that this is happening. Who knows what time will bring. I'm not due until June and I'm still several weeks away from the end of the 1st trimester, but for right now, this is real and it's an amazing gift.

Amidst all of our celebrating, we're still trying to get our house prepped for a rental. Did I mention we may have found renters? Some friends of friends need a place to stay for a few months during a renovation on their house and the timing coincides quite well with our excursion to the East Coast and then on to Japan. Doing all of the cleaning, prepping, packing, storing, etc. with the occasional bout of nausea has been a challenge. Right now, I'm just trying not to be overly ambitious.

For now, I'm hanging in there and have my eyes on the prize: I'm hoping that the nausea will have seriously subsided by the time Thanksgiving rolls around. This is my year for turkey, gravy and mashed potatoes!!

Halloween 2009

2009-11-04T07:22:00.001+09:00

This past weekend was our first celebration of Halloween "American-style." It was perhaps even more exciting for me than it was for my daughter. Where I grew up, in upstate New York, we could pretty much count on freezing cold weather and occasionally snow for Halloween. This made trick-or-treating somewhat less enjoyable because in order to be warm, you often had to sacrifice the cool looking effects of your costume. This year, the temperature was a lovely and mild almost 60 degrees. We dressed up Peanut in her costume and headed off to a local trick-or-treating event. We met up with some friends and their toddler. The kids got a few pieces of hard candy and then wanted to head outside away from the crowds. They sat down (outdoors - with no coats!) and nibbled on their hard candy. Then we walked up and down the street where other local businesses were all handing out goodies. The kids even got to share a free gelato. How cool is that? We were able to enjoy ice cream, outdoors on Halloween!

Afterwards, we headed across the street to a great little izakaya for some korokkes for the kiddos and lots of great tempura, kushikatsu, and yakitori. They also served French fries with wasabi mayonnaise; this is my new favorite dish!

Last year we weren't able to really celebrate Halloween in the same way, since we were in Japan. This year, we had both an American style celebration and great Japanese food too. Who says you can't have it all??

And now, the gratuitous cute kid pic:

Back in the Saddle

2009-11-01T05:40:00.001+09:00

I'm trying to get back into the swing of things here at home (Seattle) after our trip to Raleigh, while simultaneously preparing to go on the road again. In another couple of weeks we're off to the East Coast to visit my parents for the holidays and from there it's on to Japan again. I can't begin to describe how happy I am to be spending Thanksgiving AND Christmas with my folks. I will be very thankful this year!

In the meantime we're in the midst of chaos once again. But I'm sure you can imagine what that's like. Rather than cover all that now, I thought I'd mention how weird and surreal it was to be looking in on the lives of my sister and brother-in-law and their new baby. Baby G was just about 2.5 months old when we visited and your average happy-go-lucky baby. What I had forgotten or blocked out I suppose, was how steep the learning curve can be as a new parent. I can't remember the last time I saw such stressed out parents. And then it occurred to me that maybe I had and just couldn't remember it! I have no idea how we looked to outsiders. Most of our friends have kids close in age to Peanut, so when I saw them with newborns, we were all frazzled and sleep-deprived and learning as fast as we could.

I wished on multiple occasions that I could have taken the baby from my sister and offered to make it better. But new parents have to learn in their own time and their own way.

I wished on multiple occasions that I could make them more comfortable with having us (and our toddler) stay in the house with them. Especially so that they wouldn't have to be so worried about all damage she might do to herself since that is just as much my job as Peanut's parent as it is their job as host/ess. But again, they're not used to being around toddlers and need more time and exposure to be comfortable with the everyday antics of a toddler.

I worried that I wasn't parenting as well as I should or could. Their level of concern about my child's behavior was much more intense than my own level of concern and I don't know if it's because I'm too "hands-off" and therefore negligent in some way (or maybe I'm just a bad guest?). Or maybe it's truly just a difference in parenting styles (or to be fair maybe they were just far too overwhelmed to be hosting us and dealing with a newborn and the whole situation just created more anxiety for them).

All in all, my head was sort of spinning after our trip. I kept trying to look back at my own experience nearly 1 1/2 years ago to see what I would have looked like to an outsider. But of course that's never really possible. I just keep thinking that there's a valuable lesson to be learned from our trip but I'm unable to see it yet.

Cold in NC

2009-10-18T18:49:00.001+09:00

That's right- it's cold in North Carolina! We're enjoying some quality time with my sister and her husband and the new baby, but it's hard to find time to post updates since one or the other of our kids always seems to be awake and finding the time to post then feels nearly impossible. I now understand the joys of having one child with set naptimes! The jet lag has been surprisingly difficult to deal with (I figured the 3 hour difference would be negligible compared to the 16 from Japan!) in part because we are currently sharing a room with Peanut which we don't generally do at home and she's very sensitive to hearing us move around - which leads to more night wakings I'm sure.

The trip has been trippy since I feel like perhaps I'm getting a glimpse of what I looked like with a newborn. My sister is definitely frazzled which I find humorous since her son sleeps really well (i.e. 5 hour stretches at night and he's just about 3 months old!) and he's a very good-natured boy. Peanut was always good-natured but not a "good" sleeper per se. For us, 3 hours at a time was generally our standard of good! As a result, I find it hard to believe that my sister is fretting over a 2 hour crying fit when her son wasn't quite ready to go to sleep one night. I don't remember how often, if ever, that happened when Peanut was 3 months old, but I know it took us longer than their usual 5-10 minutes to get our baby to sleep. Wow. How dreamy that sounds.

Ultimately what this trip has done has give me a new perspective about my relationship with my sister. But that's more for another day.

Fixer-uppers

2009-10-03T22:05:00.001+09:00

We're up to our eyeballs in mini home-improvement projects as we try to get our house ready to rent out when we head out "on the road" so to speak in another month and a half. Before that, we're making a quick trip to NC to see my sister and my newest nephew. I'm looking forward to spending some quality sister time together and having a mini vacation which means I don't have to fix anything.

Our home didn't start out as a fixer-upper, but after living here for a number of years, things are naturally starting to break down or wear out and we've put off many of the repairs for a while. Now seems like the perfect time to tackle many of these projects and I'm feeling accomplished because we're getting them done. But I also feel like we're still behind the 8 ball and I'm not sure we'll have it all done by the time we leave. ..

Oceans Apart, (Day after Day)*

2009-09-28T07:16:00.001+09:00

Living across the world from where I was just a few months ago I occasionally feel a sense of displacement. On the one hand I feel very grounded and rooted in my life here, but on the other, I can't shake the sense that something is missing. I was recently reminded that it's time for the rice harvest. This means that it's been almost a year since we left for Japan to help my father-in-law with the rice harvest. I can't believe it! We won't be there for the harvest this year, and as a result I have that sense of displacement, "How could I almost forget?!" Likewise, I keep thinking, "Is it almost time for the olives yet?" It's too early but I can't wait until we hear from my mother-in-law that they're ready to be picked.

In that vein of thinking about how we integrate our cross-cultural partners and lives, I've been reading some interesting articles in the paper lately and wonder if you've seen these stories? The first story is about a pair who has been living in the U.S. for several years and would like to stay in New Hampshire operating their authentic French bakery but the U.S. government assessed the bakery and its profits as marginal and therefore made the lady's application for an extension on her work/investor's visa ineligible . The people of the town essentially lobbied the State Department - writing letters etc. saying that this small business was more than "marginal" to their community. I found it touching and think I'd do the same. How wonderful would it be to have an authentic French bakery in your little community and why would you want to chase that away?

The second story is about a newly married couple right here in the Pacific Northwest, he's American and she's Canadian and they're currently unable to live together in one country.

What I find most frustrating about both stories is that there's such a tangle of legal....stuff. The boundaries that exist among nations are often arbitrary, although in some cases there are natural geographic constructs (like rivers, mountains, etc.) that act as dividers. It just seems like all of these problems could be easily avoided or resolved if we didn't have these rules. Naturally it's easy for me to say all this, and I'm clearly biased as all of this legal stuff occasionally makes things challenging for my husband and I and especially my daughter who, as things stand right now, will be forced to choose between her Japanese and American citizenship statuses once she is 22 years old.

Having said all of this, I should also emphasize that I'm in no hurry to give up my American citizenship. While that might simplify things in some ways (if my husband and daughter and I were all Japanese citizens) I just can't wrap my head around revoking a status that really feels like a part of my identity. In other words, it's not just that I'd choose not to be Japanese, I don't think I'd feel able to adopt the citizenship of any other nation either. Maybe there really is something to the notion of national identity and boundaries after all?

If you had to revoke your citizenship in order to become a citizen of another country would you (i.e. no dual citizenship allowed)? What if that was the only way for you to be with your partner/spouse?

*Yes I was a Richard Marx fan once upon a time. Don't mock.

Cry Me a Puddle

2009-09-19T05:30:00.001+09:00

Anthropologa has this post about crying and how one survey of women revealed that we cry an average of 2.24 hours per week. Whoa. Sounds like an awful lot to me.

Yet, I'm pretty free with the tears. I just need to see someone else crying and that's enough to set me off. Lately, I'm feeling like I'm on the verge of tears even more often. I'm convinced it has to do with the wacky hormones. I feel this...imbalance. And since I can't write anything else here without feeling like I'm *always* writing about how badly I want Baby #2, etc. I'm going to do some posting at my old blog on occasion. Because clearly, I need the outlet.

Multi-cultural books for toddlers

2009-09-17T03:24:00.001+09:00

Before I forget I thought I'd list a few of my favorite multicultural books. In an effort to present Peanut with a variety of books depicting kids of all colors, races and ethnicities, I'm constantly on the lookout for books and stories that are quality materials. Here's a sampling of what we've found recently:

Please, Baby Please by Spike Lee and Tonya Lewis Lee, illustrated by Kadir Nelson
The story is simple and sweet and perfectly geared for a toddler or preschooler. Amazing illustrations. I want to find all the books by this illustrator. The colors are vibrant and the child is adorable.

Everywhere Babies by Susan Meyers, illustrated by Marla Frazee
Beautiful story about all the everyday things that babies do - depicts babies of all colors from all kinds of families. Wonderful illustration of the many shapes and colors of babies as well as they families with which they live.

Where is Baby's Bellybutton? by Karen Katz
I love the simplicity of this book. In the board book format it only has about 6 pages total, but each one has a lift the flap and depicts children of different colors. My daughter has loved this book since she was maybe 6 months old. She's almost too old for it now (at 1 1/2) but many of Katz's works appear to be similarly illustrated and worth checking out.

Baby Faces by DK Publishing
This board book is a simple collection of baby photos paired with a word ("happy") or short phrase ("peek-a-boo"). Adorable. And babies love photos of other babies making this an almost sure-fire hit with little ones. Peanut *loves* this book. The words are too easy for her, but I think she's more interested in studying the photos and expressions on the faces of the babies.

Tuesdays of Grace

2009-09-15T16:13:00.001+09:00

There's an old saying that goes something like this:

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go.
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child born on the Sabbath Day,
Is fair and wise and good and gay.

In the spirit of this saying, I want to encourage more grace - and by this I mean acts of kindness. I heard Dr. Wayne Dyer once saying that acts of kindness actually improve our immune systems and can make us feel good physically as well as emotionally. Additionally those who witness an act of kindness (not just the giver and receiver but the by-standers!) are said to benefit as well. Isn't that just one more amazingly inspirational reason to do something nice?!

There's a lot of space on the web for sharing our emotions and purging our secrets, venting our frustrations, etc. I rely on my blog for that comfortable and non-judgmental space. But I also think that there's a missed opportunity here. Why shouldn't we also use our space for the sharing of good things? What I'm hoping to do is start a series of Tuesday posts wherein we use the comments of the post to share good deeds and random act of kindness. Hopefully, just reading the kind acts performed by others will be enough to lift the spirits of *all* of us.

I encourage everyone to use anonymous commenting since the desire and intent to do something kind shouldn't be judged in any way ("Oh she's always doing things like this. What a goody two-shoes." or conversely, "So and so never comments here. Doesn't she like to do kind things?"). I'm sure all of you who are regulars would never indulge in this kind of petty thinking, but I'm hoping that new readers and commentors will join in and I want to be clear about having some ground rules and expectations.

So tell me, what act of kindness have you performed on this Tuesday?

Note: If you ever need any ideas, you can always check out Help Others.

Aki Matsuri

2009-09-13T05:41:00.001+09:00

You are all wonderful and encouraging friends! I don't feel like such a dolt - unable to balance the needs of others in my family and feeling selfish for wanting to cram 36 hours into each single day hoping for more time with all of them!

Things have evened out a bit. Mom and Dad depart tomorrow. We've been all over in the last week or so. We spent several days in Leavenworth, WA enjoying the sunshine, sausages, and goats that live across from the hotel. Peanut *loves* goats and couldn't get enough of them! On our way home, we stopped near Wenatchee at a farm stand where we stocked up on tons of fresh peaches and apples and corn. There were lots of activities for little kids and since Peanut was the only kid around, she had the place to herself. We had an impromptu picnic and have been gobbling up the last days of beautiful summer weather along with her bounty!

Today we're hoping to head over to the local Aki Matsuri - a fall fair or festival celebrating performing arts, crafts and martial arts from Japan. There's even an enka performance at 4pm. Peanut *loves* enka!! She's like a 60 year old man trapped inside the body of a toddler. Additionally, I'd love for my parents to get to experience some of the Japanese cultural activities there as they've only been to Japan once and I don't expect that they'll visit again anytime soon.

As for me...while I've been terrible about practicing any Japanese or calligraphy since we've been back in the U.S., I find myself longing for bits and parts of our life there. Several of you suggested it might happen (the whole "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome that is) but I truly couldn't see it coming. Now I'm looking forward to a bit of Japan again. No sushi please. I like sushi but I had more than enough during our last stay there! But some tempura, a little enka, and a taiyaki would be more than welcome!

Too much of a good thing

2009-09-05T15:08:00.001+09:00

Maybe there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Although if you had asked me one week ago if that was possible I would have firmly asserted that this is impossible. But here I am in the late hours listening to Peanut wail as she struggles once again to sleep. It was a long night last night (read: we were awake for 3+ hours straight during the middle of the night) and here we are again. I think the excitement of having her grandparents here is contributing to some weirdness in the sleep department.

As for me personally, I am struggling to meet the needs of all involved. My father has well and truly lost his hearing and although he has finally admitted that he needs hearing aids, he hasn't yet taken steps to get any. This means that everything must be repeated at least twice for him, and there is a great deal of yelling in our house. At times this is comical, for instance when Peanut asks Grampa for juice and looks at him as though he hung the moon while he in return stares at her blankly. At other times, I just find it all to be a bit exhausting and sad. It is difficult to watch one's parents age. Additionally, it is frustrating to me that although he served both in the military police and the local police department for his entire career (and therefore spent ample time on the gun range to possibly have contributed to his hearing loss) neither the Veteran's Administration or police department is apparently willing to contribute a great deal towards the hearing aids. *sigh*

It's also difficult to continue to balance the needs of my husband when weighed against those of my parents. My folks would love to spend time with all of us (me, Peanut and Gboy) but my husband would like time alone with me now and then as well. I'm torn as I would like to spend as much time as possible (of the little time that I get with them) with my parents. It's a pickle.

In the end, we'll all survive it and have fun doing it, I'm sure. But the late nights and low sleep are once again wreaking a bit of havoc on my fuzzy brain and making it hard for me to think clearly.

Also, why must drunk people staggering home late at night make so much noise? Each time Peanut seems to quiet, they scream or squeal and set her off again. Argh.

I should be scrubbing toilets....

2009-08-26T03:00:00.001+09:00

but I'm not.* My parents arrive tomorrow night. They'll be staying with us for just over two weeks. I'm thrilled beyond words! I can't wait to see them. Once upon a time, I would have vigorously scrubbed everything in the house from top to bottom. But today, I can't quite muster the interest. Perhaps it's because I don't think they'll notice anything other than Peanut. They're definitely coming to see me (we have a really great relationship) but their first grandchild? The granddaughter they haven't seen in almost 11 months (well with the exception of the amazing powers of video calls and s.kype)?

Yeah, I don't think I need to worry too much about a little dust!

Oh, and I'm having FAR too much fun playing Blogger Bingo!!!

*Although I will be cleaning the toilets later. I'm just procrastinating at the moment. In fact, the toilets aren't the problem. It's those tile showers. How the heck do you clean them (a) without getting soaked in the process (b) with a sponge? I've just never figured it out and it bugs the heck out of me.

She flips, she flops

2009-08-25T12:14:00.001+09:00

Some of you may recall my lamentations that Peanut had started calling me "Okaasan." I made peace with it more quickly than I had anticipated. After all, when your kid needs you and calls for you in the middle of the night, well, that'll get your attention no matter what she calls you.

But interestingly enough, as suddenly as it came on, it went. Just the other day she stopped using Okaasan when calling for me or talking to me and it hasn't returned. I'm back to "Mama". (Okay once or twice in the wee hours when "Mama, Mama" didn't get her the prompt results she was hoping for I heard her toss in a haphazard "Okaasan" for good measure but it sure didn't sound like she meant it. And it's weird. Because now I kind of miss it.

I don't think I miss the actual name as much as I miss that phase of her life. It's just one more reminder that much of a child's life is fleeting. Peanut has a tendency to transition (especially in the area of language) more quickly than I realize. Before I know it, the old ways are gone. In this case, there was no lead-up. It wasn't like rolling leads to crawling leads to walking....It was there (Okaasan) and then it was gone.

Then again, if the past is any indicator, it may not be gone forever.

The end of summer blues

2009-08-21T00:15:00.001+09:00

If one more newspaper article or sales advertisement reminds me that summer is almost over I may scream. I love summer. I get excited about spring because it reminds me that the misery of long, dark, wet, cold (pick whichever adjectives apply) days may be over soon. I adore the start of autumn with all of the new school supplies and the start of a clean slate as well as the promise of cool days filled with warm soups and all of the fun of hibernating.

But to me, summer has is about just plain fun. Fun every day. Going to parks, pools, the beach, fairs, festivals and all that wonderful stuff which is so often free (minus the cost of an ice cream cone maybe). This is kind of ironic when I think back to how I spent my middle and high school summer days - lazing around with a book trying desperately to avoid going outside. But things change. With a new city and a new climate and much less humidity, I've discovered the joys of the outdoors in summer!

This is why I am always saddened when the media seems to gleefully herald the end of summer. And then a day like today dawns. It's cool here and the fog has rolled in. We don't expect to see temperatures much about 70F. That's cool for a summer day even by Seattle standards.

Please excuse me while I stick my head in the sand and ignore all the signs of summer's end. My parents will be here in just about one week and I'm hoping that a bit more of the summer weather will linger. Just enough so that we can enjoy a few walks in the park with Peanut. Just enough to take advantage of the fair. Just a little longer please...

My body image and my daughter

2009-08-16T05:52:00.001+09:00

Beautiful Mess had a post about her body image a couple of weeks back. She was contemplating how her own body image issues might affect her daughter. This really got me to thinking. And then I saw this episode of What Not to Wear and the woman on the show was talking about how her body image and how the way she dresses might affect her daughters.

I generally don't feel like I have a negative body image. Sure I had the "freshman 15". But I worked hard after college to transition to a lifestyle filled with moderate exercise and healthy but delicious foods. Prior to that, I never gave my eating habits much thought. Even worse, I *hated* physical exercise. I made some changes and found workouts that I enjoy doing and once I did, I was able to change my mindset. I wouldn't say I love exercise, but there are some kinds of exercise I do enjoy and there are others I still can't stand to do.

Even now, 10+ years after graduating from college, I work hard to maintain a nutritious diet for a couple of reasons. I want to ensure that I have good health for a long time. I want to have the freedom to enjoy cupcakes(!) and other treats when I want them without feeling like I have to deprive myself. Now, I also have the added incentive of wanting to set a good example for my daughter.

Exercise is a harder rule for me to stick to, in fact I haven't done a lot of regular exercise since my daughter was born. As a result, I try to make sure that I walk a lot, often an hour during the day when I put Peanut in her stroller and we go out and tackle the ups and downs of city streets in Seattle. But I'd also like to keep up a routine of some kind (including more aerobics and yoga) because I think it's important for all the above reasons. Likewise, I can't stand being out of breath just going up a flight of stairs!

But the whole thing breaks down for me a bit when it comes to wardrobe. I feel like I've got this healthy shape that I've worked hard to get, and yet I've got a bunch of baggy t-shirts and sweatshirts and "comfy pants." You know the ones I mean. The ones that you wear the day after Thanksgiving because they're elastic or drawstring and are very forgiving. But none of these things are flattering by any stretch of the imagination and in the end I don't want my daughter growing up and thinking I was a frumpy dresser, or more importantly that I didn't think I was valuable enough to spend some time on myself and my image. I don't want to come off as vain, but given my current standards, I think a small bit of improvement would not even come close to putting me at risk of that!

My mom always dressed like a mom once she was a mom. She has all these great pictures of herself when she was young and thin and *hot* and dressed like a cool, hip 1960's gal. Then she got pregnant with me and then two years later my sister was born and it pretty quickly swung the other way. She started wearing "mom jeans" and the like. I love my mom. She's my inspiration and my hero in countless ways. But a fashion idol she isn't. Not anymore. And not for as long as I can remember.

I don't want my daughter to think that about me. I don't want my daughter to be obsessed with appearances. I want her to understand the value of comfy pants and casual dress for sure. But I also want to be sure that she knows I'm not hiding my body all the time. I don't want to have to hide my bathing suit-clad body under a beach cover-up for my whole life (something I got used to seeing my mom do). I want my daughter to see me as confident; because that's one of the traits that I most want my daughter to have. I want her to be self-confident. Once you've got that confidence in yourself, it makes it a lot harder for others to shake you.

The "before" circa 1996 (i.e. my "freshman 15+" is still intact -please note the brownies which were ever present during my college days):

The "after" circa 2005 (i.e. I had walked over 400 miles in preparation for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3 Day about to start the very day this picture was taken):

To insure or not to insure - that is the question

2009-08-16T05:46:00.001+09:00

Kim had asked me what kind of insurance we have now that we're in the U.S. This was a pickle I must say. Neither of us is currently employed, and until my husband's business has at least one other employee besides himself, we can't claim it as a business expense. Since he just started his business and it's in the very fledgling state, that could be a while.

In the meantime, we're paying for private/individual health insurance. My husband felt that in the past, his health care costs weren't significantly reimbursed (those incurred in the U.S.) by the Japanese health care system and that it would be best for us to just bite the bullet and get some insurance. We want to be sure our daughter is covered and *if* I should end up pregnant one of these days, we want to be sure to have good coverage. I hadn't anticipated the x-ray and MRI for my tailbone (coccyx) pain but I'm even more thankful for the health insurance now as these expensive diagnostics are covered in full (and when you can't sit comfortably that's a major problem not to be ignored if at all possible!).

Since our current plan is to stay in the U.S. until the end of the year, we're expecting to pay for insurance for just about 6 months. After that, we'll be back in Japan and we'll all be covered by Japan's national health care system.

There may be better health insurance options but I'm not even sure what they would be. Anyone else who does or has lived overseas (maybe esp. in Japan but not necessarily) have any suggestions?

Health care can suck everywhere

2009-08-13T11:53:00.001+09:00

In the past I've mentioned some less than stellar experiences with doctors and/or the medical system in Japan. But I feel that I've tried to acknowledge how my lack of language skills, as well as my relative newness to living in the country, may well have factored into the less than optimal outcomes of my experiences there. To even things out a bit then, and to show that health care everywhere can be....lacking, I've got a story that I'll share regarding the American health care system.

A few weeks ago I went to see my doctor regarding some pain just below the tailbone. If you've ever had a pilonidal cyst, the discomfort is similar. I had a pilonidal cyst about 15 years ago. I was concerned that although I had surgery to correct the matter, perhaps it had returned (they can do that). I went to see my doctor a couple of weeks ago and while she couldn't see any evidence of a pilonidal cyst, she recommended that I get an x-ray to rule out any fractures etc. that might be causing the discomfort. I went down to radiology as soon as I left her office. Here's where the fun begins.

I didn't have long to wait before the radiologist or technician or whoever (let's call him the radiologist for the sake of conversation) came to get me. He escorted me back to the changing rooms and locker area where he started to show me around and then as we stood in the hallway to the changing room he asked, "Is there any chance you're pregnant?" I laughed and said in an off-hand kind of way, "Oh I suppose." Now some of you may understand that this is an incredibly loaded question for someone who's tried unsuccessfully for 14+ months to get pregnant. Not to mention that we haven't really been trying to prevent a pregnancy for the last few months and despite the fact that my period has not yet returned, we're nowhere near pregnant (several negative pregnancy tests at random intervals have confirmed this). Apparently breast-feeding really *can* be that effective as a measure of birth control. Either that or we're back where we started on the infertility treadmill.

Regardless, when I heard the question, it literally caught me off guard for a moment because as far as I can tell, there's pretty much ZERO chance that I could actually be pregnant, although in theory I suppose it's possible. But I think the radiologist heard my laugh and misconstrued my absolute disbelief as flippancy. He then proceeded to sternly warn me that, "This isn't a joke. This is a very serious matter. We can't take the risk that you might be pregnant." He went on trying to convince me of the gravity of the matter, but as it dawned on me that the hospital needs to limit its liability and sure there is the remotest chance I might be pregnant (ha ha) it also occurred to me that there were other people in the hallway who could likely overhear the whole conversation. I really had no desire to explain my entire reproductive history to the radiologist, never mind the crowd in the hallway, and I basically shutdown. He suggested that I go back to the lab, get a pregnancy test and then return if I had confirmation that I wasn't pregnant.

I headed back to my doctor to get the pregnancy test ordered, but only got as far as the main entrance of the hospital before I finally came unhinged. Not only was the radiologist out of line in as much as it's really not his business to give me a stern lecture about my apparent flippancy, but he then conducted the scolding in public. I was appalled that anyone might even suggest that I could be irresponsible with a pregnancy. He had *no* idea how hard we worked the first time to get pregnant. He had *no* idea how upsetting it was to test and re-test for months on end with no hope in sight. He had *no* idea what was actually going through my mind when I laughed at his question. And he didn't really stop to give me a compassionate moment to gather my thoughts before he launched into his speech.

Once I collected myself, I went to my doctor who agreed to order the pregnancy test. She gently explained that frankly, the dose of radiation and location in which I'd be getting it wouldn't really affect the outcome of a pregnancy. A viable pregnancy would still be viable and honestly, and unviable pregnancy would terminate regardless of the radiation. I went for the test.

It was negative. By then, I was too numb to even cry.

I returned to radiology and was greeted by a new radiologist who was escorted by my previous radiologist (presumably this was the hand-off to my new staff person). I cheerfully assured them that I was "cleared for x-rays" and the old radiologist, the jerk as I like to think of him, then had the nerve to say, "It's probably all for the best" just before he walked away. I almost hurled. "All for the best"? When was the bedside manner class and how did this guy miss it?

Needless to say, while I had previously been handling the whole, "still not getting pregnant" thing the second time around essentially by convincing myself that when the time is right it will happen, my interaction with this guy did set me back some. It's been really hard to forget the whole experience and yet I haven't been able to talk about it much. And perhaps what makes it all worse is that he was only trying to limit his liability. On the one hand, I get that's how things work in the USA. On the other.... how crap-tastic that I get to deal with emotional trauma so that he doesn't have to go to court.

Mt. St. Helens Trip

2009-08-07T07:13:00.001+09:00

Since a few people have asked about pictures from our trip last week, I dug through to see what we actually managed to photograph. Here's the best of the bunch:

This first picture is from the Hoffstadt Bluffs Visitor Center. We stopped to have lunch there and opted not to take a helicopter tour (although it sounded cool!). But if you look, you can see where the vegetation still isn't - down there in the valley - the lava cut a mighty swath through there 28 years ago and the devastation was still clearly visible.

We then went up to the Johnston Ridge Observatory and got far closer than I ever thought possible. I think of the title of this photo as "Are you taking the picture yet? It's 90+ degrees out here and we may pass out from heat exhaustion if you don't hurry up!" I love my husband and all of his quirks - one of which is the apparent inability to give me any warning about when he's going to take a picture. The result is that I often look confused about where I am.

Finally, a shot of the volcano (we call it Mt. St. Helens and I think of it as a mountain but it is a very active volcano after all!). The last few years have been quite active. In late 2004 an earthquake(s) triggered some lava flow and it was only in early 2008 that the new lava dome stopped growing. Get this: "From October 2004 to late January 2008, about 125 million cubic yards of lava had erupted onto the crater floor to form a new dome—enough to pave seven highway lanes three feet thick from New York City to Portland, Oregon." Can you even believe that? For more details, read here.

Bridges from one heart to another

2009-08-02T13:34:00.001+09:00

The other day, my sister J who had her baby just over one week ago, told me that she was feeling really sad. My sister's friend S was due to have her baby just a few days after J had her baby. Unfortunately, S developed cramps the day before her scheduled C-section (baby was transverse and there were some other minor concerns that the doctors had) and when the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat and performed an emergency C-section, their little boy was stillborn. A mutual friend had contacted my sister to give her this update and J was still feeling very emotional. She was uncertain about how to proceed - worried that contacting S directly might make her feel worse given the reminder of J's new baby.

I encouraged her to think about making a call and offering some support, thereby allowing S to make the choice for herself. I also suggested that my sister check out Share for more information. Additionally I contacted Cara at Building Heavenly Bridges (I'd visited her blog a number of times and I really admire the work that she does) and gave her some of this background and she sent me a sweet email encouraging both J and S to feel free to contact her.

While I think it IS sad that we connect with others in these circumstances - there are so many wonderful people out there to meet and get to know better - I wish it didn't have to happen this way. But I confess I'm incredibly grateful for the opportunity to make a wonderful connection like this and to know that we can began to make these heart connections. I hope that each of these connections brings a little bit of healing to all of us.

While you were out....

2009-08-01T12:34:00.001+09:00

Okay *we* were out. It has been, as I'm sure many of you have heard, unbelievably ho t here in Seattle. It reached 100F (I've even heard 103F) the other day. Our main living area is on the 3rd floor and we have no air conditioning of any kind. Needless to say, we decided it was worth it to get out of town for a night. We headed down to Long Beach, WA to enjoy some cool, fresh ocean air and a decent night's sleep!

On the way back we stopped at Mt. St. Helen's. I was astonished by how close we were able to get to the mountain (volcano!!) itself. It's no longer spewing lava - apparently that stopped in early 2008 after it was triggered by an earthquake in the fall of 2004. Still, there was plenty of amazing natural beauty and the effects of Mother Nature to stare at in awe.

This weekend we're looking forward to watching the Blue Angels (the navy flight demo squad) perform as part of Seafair. Every year part of the flight path for their airshow goes right over our house. We're able to sit on our tiny deck and watch them pull off some incredible stunts. It's loud but never dull and it's one of the reasons I love Seattle in the summer.

We now return to our regularly scheduled program.

Meltdowns of all kinds

2009-07-29T04:53:00.001+09:00

It's a blazing 89F right now and only projected to get hotter over the next few days. The sun is shining and even at night our usual Seattle cool isn't returning. This combo is proving to be a deadly mix when combined with a toddler who is touch-and-go on the early morning sleep. Peanut was awake at 5am this morning after a short-ish night. We had a pretty good morning tho she didn't eat all that much for breakfast, but that's par for the course these days.

By 8:30 am I had packed her up in the car and off we went to participate in a research study at the local children's hospital. Peanut is part of the control group which means that we go in for 3 different visits during the course of the first several years of her life and they have her play games (like peek-a-boo, doing puzzles, naming objects, stacking blocks, etc.), and do various tasks in order to get an assessment of how she's developing (can she figure out how to get the duck out from under a piece of clear plastic with one side open?). Then, similar aged children with plagiocephaly are given the same assessment and the two groups of kids are compared in order to learn more about the causes of plagiocephaly as well as the development of kids with plagiocephaly. Peanut seemed to really enjoy her "assessment" last summer and we were looking forward to more games today. She did really well for almost 2 hours and we were close to wrapping up when the meltdown occurred.

I should have been prepared for it - less sleep than ideal, hungry baby (despite the snacking she'd done all morning), heat, and then just the exhaustion from "playing" and "working" so hard with the doctor. But when the doctor kindly took away the piggy bank and coins that Peanut had been playing with (not before allowing her several chances to play with it and not before offering her a fun alternative) my daughter snapped. She pitched a full-on temper tantrum the likes of which I have never seen. She cried, she crawled on the floor, flailed on the ground, whined and refused any solution I might offer "Do you want me to hold you? Do you want to nurse? Water? Toy?" Everything was no- no- NO! The poor thing was in total meltdown mode and was sweating despite the A/C because she was so worked up. Needless to say we stopped for the day, I finally got her calmed down and we came home ASAP. Our participation was really conditional on her enjoyment of it and clearly the fun was over!

I would say that she is finally, *really* starting to assert her independence and wanted to be very clear that we understood how angry she was that she couldn't play with the piggy bank anymore. I brought her home, fed her a big lunch and put her down for her nap. Would you be surprised if I told you she passed right out?

Over-stimulated much?

2009-07-25T04:47:00.001+09:00

I've been wondering if Peanut is over-stimulated. We're having a devil of a time getting her to sleep these days - bedtime and naptime - oy. But that got me thinking about how under-stimulated I was when we were living in Japan. In part it was because we were living in someone else's space with minimal stuff. With everyone pitching in to do all the cleaning, the house work was minimal. Another possible culprit, lack of comprehension in the Japanese language area. Since I couldn't understand much beyond the basics, it made stimulating conversation really, really hard to find. Thank goodness, once again, for the AFWJ ladies. I don't know what I would have done without them. Being able to gab and catch up on pop culture, world politics, books, even national politics (Japanese or American) was a blast. The major problem with not being able to understand all that much is that I couldn't read for pleasure - my number one hobby. But beyond that, I couldn't even read the newspaper or bulletin boards for local events. Well I could sometimes read a sign on a community newsboard, but it might take me 5-10 minutes to decode the thing. It's not the same when we're here in the U.S. I've got dozens of local newspapers, magazines, and websites to check out for upcoming events and community activities. Needless to say, we're not lacking for things to do over here. But all of this activity highlights for me the *inactivity* of living in Japan.

I had this vague sense of ennui while we were living there, but I realize now that I was totally bored out of my noggin most of the time that we were in Japan and I couldn't find a way to put an end to it. Local parks were few and far between. Here I walk 5-20 minutes and I can be at one of easily a dozen parks and 2 different library branches. English-speaking friends were remote (at least an hour by train & bus and that was hard if it was my turn to watch Peanut which generally it is since I'm a SAHM). Japanese friends were hard for me to find. Most people wanted to talk to me about my Japanese language skills and why I was living in Japan. This tends to get boring for me quickly since I've had the same conversation countless times. But to be fair to the questioners and potential friends, it was also some of the safest area of conversation I could have. My Japanese as I've said seems pretty limited. In spite of the exhortations of nearly every Japanese person I've met who says, "Your Japanese is great!" I've also lived there long enough to know that it's a pretty standard response to foreigners speaking Japanese and doesn't really mean anything. It's the polite thing to say.

Needless to say, I realize that things could be better the next time around. I'm not sure what kinds of things I'll do differently upon our return to Japan in the end of December - I'm open to suggestions. But in the meantime, I realize that keeping up with my Japanese studies would be really useful in order to further my goal of making more Japanese friends over there. Now if only I could find the time!

Summer projects

2009-07-15T05:13:00.001+09:00

Every time I get a few moments in front of the computer, I can't remember a darn thing I was going to tell you all. For instance, right now all I can think about is why my Yahoo homepage was showing me that the current temperature is 93F. It's not anywhere near that warm here right now (sorry to all my friends in Japan but it's a lovely and cool 66F right now). And why is that I can't think uniformly in metric or non-metric systems? In the U.S. I can only think of the temperature as Fahrenheit and when in Japan I can only assess in Celsius. It's maddening to me! I simply can't do the conversion easily so I don't bother. Anyone have a shortcut for approximating the conversion? When I lived in Australia I used to do something like "double the Celsius temp and add 32" - could that be close?

What else? We've been doing our best to catch up with old friends but it's not always that easy. It's especially hard if you have to account for travelling on a ferry with a small child. We tried to go visit a friend over on the other peninsula on Saturday and we went by ferry. But we were late for the ferry we had intended to catch meaning we had to wait in the parking lot for nearly 45 minutes. Luckily, Peanut is getting really good at entertaining herself in the car (esp. if she doesn't need to be in her car seat) so even though we could get out and walk around she was actually just as happy to sit in the car and play peek-a-boo with us. But all told, we spent over 2 hours getting from our place to our friend's house and by the time we got there, we had about 2 hours to visit and grab some dinner before we needed to return.

Recently, Peanut and I also had a chance to meet up with Sunny and her adorable son Bean. She has my eternal gratitude for introducing me to a new and delicious cupcake joint. I am still luxuriating in the ability to have cupcakes and American style sweets whenever I want them!

I've also got about 30 books checked out from the library. I went crazy when I kept finding books (in English!) that I want to read. I'll let you know if I find anything good. Lately nothing terribly interesting. I also decided to get a few books about baking. I'm determined to learn more about baking this summer. When we're back in Japan this winter/spring, I want to know how to work with what I've got. Not sure how well this project will pan out (I'm a great one for starting and not completing projects), but it's produced one tasty yellow cake already. I should have taken a picture! Next time.

As for unfinished projects, I started a counted cross-stitch project for Peanut before her arrival. I couldn't finish it before she was born (1) because I ran out of time (2) we didn't know if we had a he or a she and therefore didn't have the name to stitch onto the wall-hanging. I'm hoping to maybe get it finished this summer! Wish me luck....

Hormones'll make you crazy

2009-07-13T06:03:00.001+09:00

Thanks for all the kind words. Naturally, things are getting better. Well, Peanut is still sleeping like crap. She's teething, snotting etc. and then there were the fireworks that some twit set off two nights ago at like 11:30 pm when she had just finally settled down for what seemed like some decent sleep. But hey - that's what makes life fun right? Living on the edge with less sleep than I'd like - it's a reminder that I'm lucky to have a wonderful daughter.

But Gboy has been really helpful the past couple of days AND I'm starting to suspect that my short temper and overall intolerance and crankiness is fueled by PMS. I've nearly forgotten what it feels like (it's been over two years since I had it). I'm normally an incredibly patient person and not likely to yell or get angry at all, but for the last few days....look out! At this very moment, Gboy is downstairs trying to convince Peanut that she really *does* want to nap today and that 20 minutes in the car isn't sufficient and he's been at it for the last 30 minutes or so. I gave up after 20 minutes myself so he's already outdone me and I'm incredibly grateful both for the reprieve in the moment and if he gets her to sleep I'll be even more grateful!

The other thing I gained was some perspective. It looks like the library I'd been hoping to work for won't have the money to hire me back as a substitute in the near future. That's the cost of a recession I suppose. This just means that I'll be doing full-time childcare for Peanut for a while as Gboy works on his business idea. If we can get that afloat, then we'd be happy campers. What this also means is lots of computer time for him. The fact that I found him playing computer games a few times doesn't mean that he's not working, it just means that I happened to see him playing some games some of the time. And haven't we all chatted it up with a co-worker or blogged from work or browsed the internet from work? Okay - I have! I'm not an irresponsible employee, but I have certainly had personal conversations at work and browsed the internet when there was nothing else to do.

Plus I have to admit that adjusting to full time childcare with no Japanese classes or calligraphy classes or "me" time right now has been bumpy. We'll work it out. In fact, Gboy has suggested that I might take some time for myself to work on a few other ideas for R&R (and maybe even income) if I were to say, write a book. I adore him because of his confidence in me. He thinks I can totally write a kick-ass book despite the fact that I've never taken a writing class, don't write except to blog, and really don't even have an idea for a book. Still, the "me" time would be nice.

Oh, and I'll add that the hormones made me crazy upset last night when I got an email from a friend, I'll call her A.Z., who said she wouldn't be seeing me this morning despite our plans to meet up with a 3rd mutual friend. A.Z. had forgotten what day our brunch was scheduled for and made plans for this morning. This is the same friend who spaced on our going-away party last October. I'm starting to think that maybe we were good friends when we worked together a few years ago but that she's moved on and I'm the only one sticking with this friendship (these aren't the only 2 examples of situations like this from the last year or two). Seems like I make all the effort to invite and coordinate and she finally agrees on a date to join us and then forgets/doesn't show/comes really late/leaves really early etc. Last night this hit my last nerve and was making me feel really bad for myself. I'm trying to be a grown-up about the whole thing and just move on. If she wants to spend time with me, she'll contact me and if not, it's just time to accept it and move on. Theoretically I'm okay with that, but last night, the hormones were really strong and it really upset me. But you know what? Knowing it's the hormones makes me feel a whole lot better. I'm not crazy, just hormonal.

Tired

2009-07-11T08:41:00.001+09:00

I'm fried. My brain is fried. My body is tired. My toddler is kicking my ass. Lately, she's been existing on MAYbe 9 hours of sleep at night (occasionally 8 or 8 1/2 like last night) followed up with a 1 1/2 hour nap if I'm lucky - today it was all of 45 minutes. I generally operate best with about 8 hours of sleep at night myself and since I need an hour or two after she goes to bed to get the laundry done, dishes washed, etc. I'm not getting anywhere near enough for myself. And then she has the energy of the Energizer bunny all day long. And Gboy must be celebrating his return to the U.S. or something because he's spending many hours on the computer playing games (I suspect some work is happening but not much right now). Needless to say, I'm feeling tired and cranky and out sorts. As I've mentioned before, our return to our house has been bumpy and I'm still trying to get things sorted and organized and rearranged and I'd love the help but honestly I'm tired of asking and while I haven't asked many times, I don't want to start telling/ordering him to do things because then I'm the mom of TWO people and that's freaking exhausting. And I get that the whole return to normalcy may be bumpy for him and that this is how he's working his way back into life here. The fact that this is so out of the ordinary for him tells me that something has changed but only temporarily. So for now, I'm trying to enjoy the 60 minutes of freedom that I have while Gboy kindly offered to take Peanut to the park to give me a break (at least he realizes I'm pulling a LOT of weight these days and it's wearing me down!).

Playing with (in) Japanese

2009-07-08T04:54:00.001+09:00

In an ongoing effort to maintain Peanut's access to all things bilingual (or as many things as possible) I'm searching for (1) a babysitter who sits Japanese for those rare occasions when Gboy and I can get away for a "date" (2) bilingual or at least Japanese play dates & partners. When we were living in Japan, Peanut heard English from me and also whenever Gboy and I speak to each other we use English. Thus, while we didn't have English play dates per se (although there were one or two AFWJ outings with some older bilingual kids) she had a fair amount of exposure to English despite the fact that we lived in Japanese household (with my in-laws) and community. I realized upon our return that the amount of exposure she'd have to Japanese wouldn't be equivalent here in the U.S. And now the shoe's on the other foot, so to speak, I can appreciate how truly valuable it is to have friends, resources and opportunities to learn a parent's language. Naturally it would be easy for me to just sit back and let her learn English here, but if I don't do something to ensure that she gets some Japanese playtime and friends here, Gboy (like most men I suppose) probably won't take the initiative and that would make me sad.

As I noted in my last post, Peanut is referring to me as "Okaasan" and it seems to be one of the few new Japanese words that she's started using reliably and frequently now that we're back in the U.S. She's getting really good at repeating my husband and she has also mastered her pronunciation of "ichigo" (strawberry) rather than referring to it as "akuchi" (we have no idea how that got so garbled in her mind). Clearly it's not as though her entire use of Japanese has fallen by the wayside, but I really want to be able to support her access to both languages.

I always envisioned that I'd help to enroll her in Japanese language preschool, summer camps, etc., but that was back when I envisioned that our/her entire life would be lived out here in the U.S. This is one of the reasons for which I'm so grateful that we had the chance to live in Japan; I think I have an entirely new appreciation of how difficult it is to balance out the exposure to two languages. It wasn't easy for me to accept that she was hearing and learning more Japanese than English when we lived in Japan. That may sound awful but it's the reality of my experience and although I'm ashamed to admit it, I think I learned something truly valuable from the experience. Children are malleable and flexible and can learn at an astonishing rate meaning Peanut is already learning tons of English now that we're in the U.S. but that doesn't mean that I can sit back and relax and just hope that her Japanese language exposure from her father is sufficient. I wouldn't do the same if the situation was reversed - I'd be looking for English story hours, play dates, etc. And that's exactly what I intend to do here, only now it will be Japanese language opportunities that I am seeking.

Okaasan, okaasan, wherefore art thou?

2009-07-03T05:02:00.001+09:00

At about the same time we returned to our house in Seattle, I noticed Peanut referring to me as (and occasionally addressing me as) "Okaasan." I find this interesting because I've never referred to myself as anything other than "Mama" and most of Gboy's relatives in Japan did the same. Gboy was probably the only person that she heard refer to me as Okaasan and that was maybe 50% of the time, the other 50% of the time he uses Mama when talking about me. And yet here we are with Peanut using Okaasan quite often when talking about me to Gboy or when she's by herself in her crib for example.

What I find most conflicting about this is that it was hard enough for me to adjust to being "Mama" in the first place. The whole idea of being someone's mother, especially since we had to wait for a while to have her in our lives making it almost unreal when she finally was, seemed foreign to me. Add to that the idea that I think of "Okaasan" as Gboy's mother since that's what the whole family calls her, and we have a strange mix. I don't think of myself as Okaasan at all. Peanut may as well be calling me Fred. I tried to explain this to my husband and he was really surprised to hear this. I reminded him that while the name "Okaasan" means something quite familiar and perhaps comfortable to him (having grown up with it all his life) it's unfamiliar to me. Furthermore, there's something frustrating about having someone else (or some other culture) dictate the terms of part of my relationship with my daughter which is sort of how this whole thing feels.

I'm able to see that there's something sweet about the fact that she's attached to me such that she'll call me both Mama and Okaasan to see which will get her the results she wants - i.e. me. I'm also able to see that this is just one of many of the interesting situations we're bound to run into in a bilingual/bicultural family. And for that I'm grateful; I'm grateful that Peanut has been exposed to both languages so much that she has a broad vocabulary of both English and Japanese already.

Coming out of the fog....

2009-07-01T14:10:00.001+09:00

I'll be back with a more thoughtful post in the next few days. For now, I'm wondering, should I tell you about:

The fat lip Peanut got when she was running around the airport in Itami and fell down
Our fleeting but lovely meeting with Kim and her daughter in the Narita airport (Why oh why did we have to have such a short layover this time around when we usually get stuck there for 8 hours!)
"New in Town" - the movie I watched on the plane and loved if for no reason other than that it was in English and joked about cold winters and lots of snow - struck me as incredibly funny
Salami, lamb, feta cheese and the lovely foods I've been rediscovering here in the U.S.
Connecting with old friends in Seattle
Missing new Osaka friends
Visits to half a dozen parks to see which might be Peanut's favorites
Recovering from jet lag in what feels like record time
Having to clean the house much more than I anticipated (wishful thinking had me convinced our bachelor friend would have hired a housekeeper before he left)
Talking to my family on the telephone and reveling in our proximity
Today's visit to the zoo - who knew goats would inspire my daughter to cry when separated from them?
How much I hate packing and unpacking and moving in general (okay we didn't exactly move but it sort of feels like it)
American television - I don't even care what I watch - I'm loving it!!
My library is amazing and I have about 25 books checked out that I'm trying to read as fast as I can - just finished this escapist bit
My cake baking project for the summer - I've got The Cake Bible and plan to use it!
Amazing blue skies and perfect temperatures with no humidity

The view and weather two days after our return.

Muffins are a wonderful thing

2009-06-25T12:40:00.001+09:00

That's right. Honest to goodness blueberry muffins were awaiting me in our friend's car when he came to pick us up at the airport at 11am on Monday morning. I was stunned by the generosity that he and his wife showed us. Not only did he pick us up at the airport (with all of our international baggage in tow) but he brought us muffins and juice (kindly provided by his wife) and when we got back to our house we found that they'd even stocked our fridge with a few basics. We were blown away by how much these little things all added up to make our re-entry that much smoother.

Our return flight was amazing. Peanut did great. Lots of sleeping. Very little complaining or crying (maybe the last 15 minutes of our domestic flight). It was pretty heavenly actually.

We've been buried under stacks of mail, layers of dust (our friend/renter wasn't as thorough about cleaning as one might hope) and bags still to be unpacked for a couple of days now. But we seem to be winning the war on dust bunnies and junk mail and I hope to be back to posting soon.

For now let me say, cupcakes have been eaten, late night junk tv has been watched (what else to do during jet lag?) and my own bed has been slept in. Life is good!

Pack up your hot dogs

2009-06-21T20:36:00.001+09:00

The post is from a song off one of my daughter's CDs. The song is about packing up your hot dogs in a backpack and going for a hike. I find the idea of packing hot dogs to be pretty funny. Maybe it's just late and I'm tired, or maybe it's completely nonsensical after all. Anyway, a few last things to go in the bags and hopefully we'll be done. We leave tomorrow but with the long flight(s) etc. and time difference, (technically we leave on Monday afternoon but we get home on Monday morning!) I have no idea when I'll be posting again.

So until then - catch you on the flip side!

What's in a name? Father? Mother?

2009-06-20T13:36:00.001+09:00

We're getting ready to leave in a couple of days and I'm up to my eyeballs in o-miyage (souvenirs).

But I wrote this the other day and didn't get a chance to post it so please read and discuss while I'm away from my computer indefinitely. Did anyone see this article about fatherhood? My husband is currently a stay-at-home dad (or “work at home dad) whichever term you prefer or perhaps depending on the day. Some days he’s actively working on starting his own business, other days, he really just concentrates at parenting responsibilities. Either way, since we’ve been in Japan, he’s done a lot more childcare than ever before and far more than many dads.

I recognize that financial limitations make it more practical in many instances for the guy to work and earn an income, esp. in cultures where women still don’t make as much as men even for the same work (are there cultures where that isn’t the case?!). Anyway, the problem as I see it, is that even if a family is lucky enough to have a situation where the father can occasionally be an involved parent on a weekday, the expectation is that he won’t be around and mom will. This would certainly explain all the "mommy and me" classes and so few "kid and parent" experiences.

There’s a nice little daycare/preschool here in Japan that we might ultimately send Peanut to, but the mothers are expected to pitch in once a month or thereabouts. I’m all about helping out and being a homeroom parent – but I’d like the same opportunity and expectation for fathers. We were informed by my sister-in-law that this would likely make the other mothers very uncomfortable so despite the fact that my Japanese isn’t all that great, I’d be the designated hitter in this situation. Huh. Wouldn’t it be just as nice for my daughter to have her father helping out in her school? And I recognize that while there may be far more stay at home mothers in Japan than there are in the U.S. this isn’t an unheard of situation in the U.S. either. Sad but true.

Frankly, I love that my husband wants to be so involved and it frees up some of my time to do other things. Like go back to work part-time as I’ve mentioned before. It’s an arrangement that in some ways may be unique to us. But I’m sure there are families out there with two dads, or single dads, or divorced dads – families for which the mom can’t be the designated hitter all the time. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate "girls' night out" and some "no men allowed" experiences every now and then. But honestly, the more open-ended arrangement for more parent + child experiences sounds kind of nice if you ask me.

Update: I've finally closed the comments for this post. The spammers were hitting this post hard. If you've come here purposefully - welcome! Please feel free to email me with any thoughts or comments you might have; I'd love to hear from you!

The countdown begins...

2009-06-15T13:56:00.001+09:00

One more week until we're back in the U.S.A. As in, 7 days from now we'll be boarding a plane at this very minute. Wow. I've learned a lot while living here. I had hoped that I'd get a better feel for the culture and my husband's history and upbringing here. I had hoped that I'd be able to better understand why he couldn't just say to his family, "My family and my life is in the U.S. now and I'm not coming back to live in Japan," (especially since that was really our original plan - barring any serious illness of his parents of course in which case we'd help out and stay for a while). Having lived here now for 8 1/2 months, I think I can safely say that I have in fact gained those perspectives. I'm not saying that makes all of life easier, but I think I have a better sense of the issues and factors that my husband has tried in the past to describe to me - to no avail.

I'm not sure that Japan and I will ever be best friends. But I do feel that I have a new appreciation for life and the culture here. I've enjoyed getting to know my husband's family better. I've met some wonderful people here through AFWJ and my Japanese class. As my Japanese language skills have improved, I've even found it easier to communicate with people in the village here and that in turn has helped me to feel more at home. And I'm *really* sad that my daughter will have to say good-bye to her grandparents and all of her extended family here. It makes me get all teary-eyed just thinking about it. Gboy's family is, by and large, an amazingly wonderful group of sweet, sweet people and I will miss them. I know for sure that Peanut will miss them. My whole extended family had moved away from my hometown by the time I was about 8 years old. No grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins - it was just my parents, my sister, and me. Whenever I got the chance to visit our extended family I was thrilled. I grew up watching "Eight is Enough" and "The Brady Bunch" and I knew that some chaos was inevitable in a family that big, but darn it! They looked like they were having an awful lot of fun too and now that I've witnessed Peanut with her cousins and family, I know they don't always agree, but they DO have a lot of fun. I hate to take that away from her even for a little while.

Our plan right now is to return to Japan in time to celebrate the 2010 New Year; this helps make the parting more bearable. And of course, there's the promise of real pizza, Vietnamese food, Mexican food, Ethiopian food, beans and grains of wide varieties, and baked goods made with butter, salt and vanilla (all ingredients that seem to be lacking in many baked goods here) and of course - coffee. I can't forget to mention the amazing Seattle weather coupled with lots of great parks within walking distance. And while Peanut may not have time with her Japanese family while we're back in the U.S., we've already got plans to ensure that she gets to spend lots of time with her American family and they're so excited to see her! These are all strong incentives for making the return home!

Love and marriage and a baby

2009-06-13T14:24:00.001+09:00

There are days when parenting is hard. There are days when working on a relationship and marriage can be hard. Mix the two together and occasionally it's a recipe for disaster. I love my husband and cannot begin to express how grateful I am for his commitment to be a truly active and involved father for our daughter. For instance, he loves to cook for her. If it were up to me, the poor child would probably exist on crackers and fruit (I am not the most inspired cook). But from the moment we introduced Peanut to solid foods, Gboy wanted to be in charge of her eating. Since she was exclusively breastfed until 6 months of age and refused the bottle after just a few weeks of trying it out, he never really got a chance to feed her until she was 6 months old. From that point on he's been making her a steady (and healthy!) diet of homemade soup, skillet dishes, gourmet hamburgers and the like. This is just one example of his amazing parenting skills.

And yet....as is often the case with two unique individuals, we have different priorities, interests and strengths as parents. As a result, we have been known to disagree and argue about how to parent. Today was a perfect example. On our short ride to town, Peanut started to fall asleep. Gboy began his usual routine of entertaining her in an effort to try to keep her awake. Since switching to one nap per day (usually going down at about 12:30) Gboy has been paranoid about letting Peanut fall asleep in the car for a catnap in the morning. Once upon a time, namely during the transition from 1 to 2 naps, if she fell asleep in the morning for say 20-30 minutes in the car, she would often struggle to nap later in the day. This was difficult for us since she wasn't napping much at all on a good day at that time. I'm not sure I think that a 15 minute car nap this morning would have prevented her from napping later in the day, but he was adamant that she be kept awake. I argued that perhaps we should let her sleep (she'd been awake since 4:45 this morning!) and just see what happened. More disagreement and discussion ensued.

What frustrated me most about the whole thing is that I'm not even sure what upset me or bothered me most. Was it that I felt he was criticizing my admittedly lame attempts to help keep her awake while he tried to drive? Was it that I felt my strategy was better? Was it that this is one battle I'm just not interested in fighting? Was it that the act of keeping her awake *every* time we get in the car (since it seems this happens all the time) is just so monotonous to me that it's become one of those parenting jobs which is inevitable and monotonous and I'm feeling selfish because I don't like that there are things about parenting which aren't all fun and games?

I just don't know. All I know for sure is that this was a juggling act that involved two people I love and it's a challenge to make all the players happy all of the time.

Sleepless in Osaka

2009-06-09T21:28:00.001+09:00

Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. I know that the dilemma of the "working mother" is common these days. These days, with so many moms working - be it from home, or part-time, full time, (you name it) I realize I'm not alone. That doesn't make the change I may be making soon, with regards to work, any easier to accept. There will likely be bumps in the road. But that's life and it's nothing I can't handle.

I think the more telling thing about my last post is that I suddenly find myself unable to get to sleep at night. I say "suddenly" but it seems that for the last couple of weeks, even though I do eventually fall asleep, it's often hours later than I would normally fall asleep. And since Peanut is up with the sun these days, it means not many hours of sleep for this mama! I suspect that my subconscious is either incredibly excited about the return to Seattle, OR anxious about the ever growing to-do list that faces us upon our return (is it possible I'm both?!!). Yep, I think the sleeplessness may be cured by a long flight across the Pacific Ocean.

In the meantime, I may need to schedule a haircut. My salon here is very affordable and part of the package is a kind of head and neck massage that would *surely* help me relax.